Bridesmaid Problems

I can`t help but wonder why it is so important for this girl to have a train on her gown. She isn`t a bride, so why does she need a train??? It sounds like she is just trying to be difficult on purpose.

First of all, You are the bride, and this is your wedding day. I have been a bridesmaid, and was flattered to be asked to be in the wedding. This is not her day to shine, rather it is her day to support you and be witness to your ceremony. While it is commendable for you to try to accomodate her, it is not expected that you plan the wedding around her. I can easily see that this girl has never planned her own wedding and has no idea what it entails. Be up front with her. Let her know that you would love for her to participate, but you aren`t going to bend everything to fit her schedule. If she can`t handle that, then she can take her seat as a member of the guests instead of having the title of bridesmaid.

I also had an unsupportive bridesmaid. The thing was, she had never planned a wedding and had no idea how stressful it was. Her & her husband had eloped - no wedding. So she could not be very supportive of me, I guess. I let her pick out her own gown. I figured it would be easier for her to do that. She did not help with anything else though. She offered no help at all with the wedding plans. Also, people can be resentful and jealous of brides. You need to be careful to identify who these people are.

Are you sure you can refer to this person as a "friend"?

Jayo, please don`t be judgmental. We have all been let down by friends at times in our lives, and I am sure you are no different from the rest of us.

If I were being judgemental, I would have stated that the girl was not her friend. I was advising Jenn to really think about this girl and whether or not she should be in the wedding. And no, I haven`t ever treated any of my friends the way this girl has Jenn. Are you referring to a personal experience?

Hi Jenn,
Im getting married in 17 days!! My cousin WAS my MOH (she probby thinks she still is). I didn`t hear from her in over a month and i tried calling her. Finally i emailed her and she responded. I told her i no longer wanted a MOH. She is the second one i asked to step down. I have had very limited help with my entire wedding planning. I researched everything, called and set up times to visit places and all that stuff. She came to some so i didn`t have to go alone. I also showed her the place for the reception. I figured since september, she has really only helped me about 7 days. In feb we went and picked out BM dresses and my undergarments. Thats the only thing she did this year. She insists she has done a lot and i shouldn`t complain about anything and that she is doing and paid more then anyone else in the wedding party. The only reason is which i am greatful for; she wanted to pay for the DJ as her gift to us. We never asked or anything. Then all she does is complain about it and she is doing more then anyone else. She did nothing at all for the jack n jill party. My oldest brother and his g/f spent over 200 on raffles and stuff. Every dress that i liked for the bm she didn`t........i had to change everything for her. Then she wanted me to have all the girls get clear shoes. Everyone else wanted dyables, which is what i had them get. She was mad, well i don`t want to spend this much money on dyables. All she did was complain about everything. She wanted everything to be the way she wanted it and to heck with me and everyone else. I have had people tell me i don`t know how to compromise, im stubborn, and anything else you can think of. Last i knew my FH and i were the only ones paying for our wedding. And nobody has bothered to help so they have no say in what i do. I had a person tell me IT`s ONLY 1 day what the big deal. Then another tell me im making too much of everything. We are having a very simple outside wedding. Im making too much of everything because i want my colors to match. I have done everything myself, the bubbles, our favors. Most of the planning and running around.
I just can`t believe someone would agree to be in a wedding and then sit and complain about everything.
I asked everyone and told them if they can`t do it then don`t say yes. And everyone has had about a year and a half to save up for everything.

Jenn as for your friend, she knew of the stuff that was gonna be expected and she should be a little more considerate. And she doesn`t need a train, i would do the light basted hem. If she refuses then maybe you can find someone close to her size that would love to be in the wedding and would purchase the dress.
She kind of sounds like my cousin. Has to be her way or no way. My cousin has to be center of attention and if she`s not then she`ll find a way to do it. My cousins dress can be either strapless or has straps. Which i told her straps, i don`t like the way strapless dresses look. And she`s like i thought we were gonna see what i liked best, meaning her. And i told her no, i want everyone in straps. Which i know her, she wants to flaunt herself so she is center of attention. I just guess i figured since we were close she wouldn`t be like this, but i guess i gave her toooo much credit. Everything still has to be about her and has to be her way.
I just hope your friend changes her mind and does what you ask. This is YOUR wedding, and there is no need for her to have a train. If you want the BM to have a certain look then she should accept that. Good luck with everything and i hope you day goes well for you.

Congrats

Mel

Jenn Dump her and be done with it. This is your wedding day and you cannot take a chance on her messing things up for you which is what she is doing at this point. You ave more important things to worry about. See if you can find someone else that can fit in the dress and have them replace her. I have had to replace 2 persons so far but not because of attitude, they got pregnant which is a joyous thing, but the wedding will go on without her. Take it easy and give it all to God, I am sure your wedding will be beautiful.
Tamra

I am getting married in four Months and I was having problems with one of my bridesmaids too, which is actually one of my good friends. I let all the girls know a month in advance when there fitting date and that they needed to place a order and had to pay at least 60% down on the gown. And she was the first person I spoke to when I was telling her I was trying to get all of the girl a gown at a reasonable price. This specific gown that I wanted them to wear is a Alfred Angelo #6832. This was a little pricey so I was telling her that, I really want the girls to have this gown because it is So Beautiful. And I wanted to keep the gowns under $160, to fit everyones budget. And she was telling me that it is your wedding and if they cant afford it then maybe you need to choose someone else. And she goes on about she put aside $300 for the gown because she knows me taste. Etc. Etc.
Now, when the whole bridal party got together to get there fittings. She arrived and told me that she didn`t have and money to put a deposit down, because someone had stole her income tax check out of her purse. (Lie, because when I when to her apt 3 weeks later she had a big screen TV). I was upset. I asked her what happened to the $300 that she claimed she put aside a month ago. She said a bill came up and she had to pay it. So I said when will you have money to put a deposit down. She told me the following Thursday, so I said ok well they will hold all the gowns until you pay. Not to mention I needed her because one of my other Bridesmaids whom I asked me to be in the wedding, when the time came to put up money she totally dropped of the face of the earth, I haven`t talked to her since then and it has been wks. But anyway I needed this girl because then I would be left with 3 bridesmaids and 1 Jr. Bridesmaid. Then the next week rolled around and I haven`t heard from her so I called her Friday evening to make sure she had the money to get her gown and she said yes! So the next morning I got a call before I was getting ready to leave to pick her up. And she told me that she dont have the money this week but she will definately have the money in 2 wks when she gets paid. Because she had a bill that needed to be paid and it was in disconnection period. So I said ok pay your bill. Then later I remembered her telling be the week before that she was going to King Dominion this weekend for college day. And I was iriatated and I called her and of course she was not home and so I left a message on her voice mail. Telling her that I cannot hold up all the other girls gown and that I am sorry but I will have to drop her from the wedding party. She called me the next day crying and upset saying that she dont understand why she can`t be in the wedding and that it is only 2 more weeks and I can`t wait tell then. I said NO! Then after feeling abd all weekend I called her monday and I told her that she could be back in the wedding if she still wanted to be and I was just upset and I apolgized to her. And I told he that the next time she got paid I needed the money so we could get the gowns ordered. Cause it was not fair the other gowns had to be put on hold for her. So two weeks later she call two days in advance and said she had hit a deer and she needs money to get a new car and she will not be able to come up with the money for the gown. Now, you know I was really pissed off about now and I said is you car drivable she said yes my hood is bent. And it needs to be replaced and it cost more to replace it so I might as well go to the auction and get another car. So I was done. I told her that she simply cant be in the wedding. Then she said that she will try to get the money if she can borrow it. So I said Ok. Well she didn`t get the money, so she was going to go to the mall a return a watch that she had bought. And the stones kept falling out. And then she was going to take that and pay for her gown. So I told her to give me the money and I will use my bank card and pay for it. So the next day I call her and ask her if she got the money and she said quietly she didn`t go and I asked why not and she said the the lady was not in and that she will not be able to go to the mall until the following weekend. So I asked her why cant you go when when you get off work Monday becasue she gets off work at 1o`clock and she said are you going to take me I cant drive my car up there so I desparately said yes. So the next day I got a call and guess who it was (Yes) I call the lady at the other store and she said it was on in maryland which we are in VA and it would be closer to got there then drive to richmond and hour and half away. So we go there and to make a long story short. She totally wasted my time because tshe told me that the manager at the store said she could get her money back and when we got there she couldn`t . She had to do a exchange. By this point I was upset because I had to burn up my gasoline and my money to get back across the bridge and she didnt` offer a apology. So I told her she could not be in the wedding again. She sobbed and said that she was going to take the borrow the money from her mom and she would give it to me the next day I said ok. I told her to call me by 4pm and she did not I called her she did not answer and when she called me I lied and told her that I had already called the gowns in and it was too late. Which she still did not have the Money.

And to my surprise because I waited a whole 4extra weeks I have to pay a $35 rush delivery fee four of the girls gowns to get them shipped on time. I was really upset.
So my advice to you is to drop her from your wedding because it seems like she is going to to nothing but make problems on your special day.

It seems lke she wants to be the center of attention.

Good luck and congratulations

Maybe you could show her somehow that it wouldn`t look good.If she is still being difficult,call her on her bluff. Say,"ok,don`t be in the wedding." My sisters had a girl like that and she changed her attitude immediately.

I think some people do not wish to participate in weddings, but they have difficulty admitting it.