Monetary Gift On The Invitation

Wow, I think everyone is forgetting WHY you are sending invitations to your wedding and reception. You are asking your friends, family and coworkers to join you in celebrating a new beginning. Everyone knows that with a new beginning, there will be wants and needs. If these people don`t who to ask regarding your personal wants and needs, they are more than likely going to be offended by ANY request for a specific gift, whether monetary or otherwise. The common practice of word of mouth is what I believe to be the best practice. Tell your mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, best man and Maid of honor. Let them drop the hints, not you.
What you might want to do is to include a personal note in each invitation noting whom to contact (not you) for questions about directions, specific food requirements and such. This also opens the door for those who aren`t sure what to do for a gift. Now he/she has someone to call, not only about "how do I get to the reception?", but also, "What do I get John and Jane for their gift?"

I agree, you invite someone to your wedding, because you want them there and to witness your communion. Not because you want a gift especially money.. Sorry, but tacky in my opinion.

The suggestion of listing someone to contact for general, gift, etc information is probably the best I have heard so far. Tactful but still direct and practical enough to avoid the "five toaster" scenario. In our case, the two immediate families barely know each other yet and live on seperate coasts while the friends attending are scattered across the country and beyond (and strangers to each other anyway) so even the "word of mouth" idea is a difficult one to employ.

Still people, let`s try to be somewhat practical about all of this. I mean, we`re personally putting the honeymoon off for a year due to cost concerns and if people really do want/need money instead of gifts, let`s remember that it`s supposed to be about helping the couple "get started" right and as very few people get married at 18 anymore household "needs" are less obvious. Besides, as has been mentioned, monetary gift giving is perfectly acceptable in various cultures (such as in Taiwan where it is THE gift).

Customs change to fit an evolving society. Just think for a second about how many couples are living together before marriage now. If that is a now very acceptable practice, then maybe it`s time to re-think some of the old rules to fit how we now live.

John, I`m sorry, but this sounds greedy. I am registering at a department store for gifts, not begging for cash. Also, I`m proud to say I have no credit card debt. I think the main problem these days is people max out their credit cards and use the wedding as an "opportunity" to dissolve that debt. Well that is just pitiful. It really is. Learn some better spending habits. Learn the difference between a "want" and a "need", and that these are two different things. If you don`t have the money for something, don`t buy it. Its that simple.

John, I`m sorry, but this sounds greedy. I am registering at a department store for gifts, not begging for cash. Also, I`m proud to say I have no credit card debt. I think the main problem these days is people max out their credit cards and use the wedding as an "opportunity" to dissolve that debt. Well that is just pitiful. It really is. Learn some better spending habits. Learn the difference between a "want" and a "need", and that these are two different things. If you don`t have the money for something, don`t buy it. Its that simple.

I think registering for gifts and asking for cash are about the same thing. You are still telling your guest what you expect.

Gosh why is it so hard to understand that you don`t tell your guests anything unless they ask. I think it`s been said a hundred times already that if they want to know they will ask!!!
Expect nothing and be grateful for and cherish whatever you receive. It`s not about how much you can rake in or whether you need money more than crystal or china or toasters. It`s about the act of someone giving you a gift out of their own thoughtfulness and kindness. I really think some people here have truly lost the meaning of what a gift is. Gosh it`s really sad that some of you who only want want want cash will never be able to say to your grandkids "great grandma martha gave us this beautiful crystal, or quirky uncle bob bought us this quirky retro toaster that still works on our kitchen counter after all these years"!!
But what will people like John have to look at from his wedding guests after they have passed on? A vacation, some cheap crap from Walmart that he purchased on discount, maybe pay off his credit card debt. Wow, I`m sure your children will look forward to receiving those cherished heirlooms and then passing them down to their own children.
Sure, it`s nice to get money and people will choose to give you money. But why don`t you let your guests decide what they would like to give you and remember what the true meaning of a gift it.

Nicely said Hanna! I agree. In fact 2 of my wedding presents are going to be heirlooms from my grandma`s. My mom is giving me my deceased grandma`s watch on my wedding dad and my dad`s mom is giving me her china, which I can buy pieces to compliment it. They are not new and have been used many times and for many years but I could not ask for anything better, I look forward to that day to recieve these gifts!

I have to agree. Some people may like the idea, but based on the responses here, it is obvious that it will definately offend some people. I like the idea of not including any registering information, which is what I was planning to do. I expect some people will buy something they want to give me. Others may ask and I decided to say, if they do that we already have pretty much everything we need, but if they insist they can donate to our honeymoon fund. Also, I kind of like the idea to add a line (not on the invitation) but on a seperate piece of paper or a card included in the invitation put
"For gift inquiries call ..........." and probably have someone else relay the message rather than yourself because that seems kinda rude too. Unless of course they call you directly.
Good luck!

Angela you have a wonderful idea with the gift inquiries... How unique and should not offend anyone... Wonderful idea.

Angela, I think the point is that any mention of gifts in your invitation is not nice. It doesn`t really matter whether it`s on the invitation or in the envelope with the invitation, either way it doesn`t belong. You should just not write anything at all bout gifts.

Well, I think I`ll get out of this debate. Obvious slights aimed at me are not what I was looking for from this.

On a parting note:

Kasey - Sorry to hear you feel the money option constitutes "begging". Please have fun filling out your "begging for department store items" registration list instead. Also, congrats on paying your credit cards off. I`m sure it was a mass consumerism milestone for you. I can`t relate though I`m afraid. I use cards for my business and that only. I prefer to avoid useless debt and useless consumer items wherever possible. Have fun at the malls!

Hanna - Avoiding "cheap Walmat crap" has been the entire point of my posting here. I believe you missed that important idea. As well, if you prefer to get quirky little items from relatives - wonderful, but again....not something that we would use, or need when there are many other significant things that we do.

If some of you think this is about "amassing a fortune" or paying off debt you`re just plain wrong. But, the discussion is getting old and I believe it has been talked to death.

I would never go to a wedding where the couple had been living together, it conflicts with my personal beliefs so I would have that right to not attend. Also, I would consider it insulting that someone expected money out of me, for honoring them by witnessing their wedding ceremony. John, grow up.

Not the forum for the "living together" question Chris. Oh and believe me, we`d never invite someone who`s likely never truly examined how their quasi Christian beliefs conflicted with how we choose to express our love for each other.

Love is love...period. Formulate it how you might but please don`t pretend to take some moral high ground in this circumstance. Last time I looked "he who has not sinned shall cast the first stone" comes to mind.

Although I certainly do not believe we are "sinning", by your own beliefs Christopher....please....cast that stone

What you are saying is, I MUST attend the wedding if I do not wish to??? I beg to differ with you.

No I`m not casting stones - I`m just gonna pass on the wedding invitation. (As well as the request for cash).

This is nothing short of rediculous. The pretense here is pretty thick. Both preceeding comments are strictly my opinion.

I`m no genius, but I would deduce that the guys are in favour of asking for cash, while the gals think that asking for cash is tacky. This generally speaking, of course.

Those who are opposed to asking for cash, please ask yourself the following, and try to be honest with the answer. Take a minute before you answer, no matter how obvious the answer seems.

(1) Do you need cash to help pay for this wedding?
(2) Would you refuse cash as a gift from a guest at your wedding?
(3) Would you be disappointed to receive cash as a gift from a guest at your wedding?
(4) Would you think poorly of guests who gave cash at your wedding?
(5) Do you believe that your guests would be diappointed to learn that you might spend the gift of cash to cover the costs associated with the wedding?

There are no "correct" answers, of course - just honest answers.

For those who have no practical outlook to the wedding, then by all means, continue pretend that you don`t need the cash.

I am assuming that the people debating this topic do NOT have the $30,000 it takes to throw a wedding sitting idly. (Yeah, yeah.... I know. Don`t drag this particular point out ($30,000), because I am speaking in general terms).

If you do have the cash, then good for you. Most of us do NOT!

Don`t lecture me on my spending habits, darn it! I happen to feel that I have done a fine and responsible job.

There are times for eitiquette, times for tact, and times for practicality. Those who cannot see that there are time to find a common ground of applicability for all three will suffer in one way or another.

Be honest.

If you want to dance around the subject, pretending that you would rather not receive cash, go right ahead. Pretend all of you guests are ignorant or have no concept of what it takes to put a (typical) nice wedding together.

THAT`s insulting, if you ask me. Again, my opinion.

I mean, could it be that your guests were never young.... Needed to buy a home for their family... Had to pay for a wedding.... Or WERE they?

To me, the cash would come in handy to pay for the wedding, home downpayment, etc. So would a well-thought-of gift. They are both meaningful.

What good is that beautiful $300 coffee maker (the one you always wanted) if you have nowhere to plug it in?

If you need the cash, be honest about it. Find an eloquent way to put it right on the invitation. Try:

"We`d prefer not to receive any boxed gifts, please".

Honest and to the point.

Then again, I`m a guy.

KuKa,
Money gifts are perfectly acceptable. It`s fine to want money as a wedding gift, and it`s fine to give it. What`s not fine, is to request it in your invitation. The invitation is not appropriate for mention of gifts. It is strictly for requesting the honor of your friends` and families` attendance, no strings attached.

If your guests ask you what you would like or what you might need, you may certainly tell them, even if it`s money you want. But if they don`t ask, it`s not your place to initiate gift talk or make gift demands. I suggest that you try to remember exactly what a gift is. A gift is not about an obligation to give in to your demands. Your guests owe you nothing. However you owe them gratitude for whatever they CHOOSE to give you.

"You can ask family and friends to advise anyone who asks that you would prefer cash....but requesting cash is tacky".

Maggie... Something doesn`t make sense with your train of thought.

Your saying it`s OK to ask for cash by proxy, but not on your own. This would lead me to believe that the guests are idiots and could not have figured out that "it`s really the Bride and Groom who have requested cash as a gift!!"on their own.

I don`t think this is what you meant.

Linda,

I am quite clear on what a gift really is. In addition, I would hold any gift given to us for our wedding day.
In high regard.

I am also sure that I made no mention of any demands.

What I am pointing out is that it is pretentious to:

A) have someone do your "dirty work"... That is, have people other than the wedding couple inform the guests that cash is a preferred gift.

B) refer to the common custom of offering gifts a wedding as an afterthought. Birthdays, housewarmings, Christmas... All have their customs, among which offering gifts is a well documented custom. Weddings just happen to cost about 1000 more to produce.

We would not be demanding gifts. What we are saying is that, should you wish to participate in the custome of offering gifts, we would prefer cash (to help pay for the this whole shindig, for example).

Can you honestly say that you have planned to attend a wedding, but also planned to not offer a gift to the couple? (Not for financial constraints, but for sheer prerogative).

Putting on a facade, dancing around the topic, and otherwise feigning interest in letting your guests know you would like cash as a gift does not agree with me personally.

Like most matters, I`d prefer to be up-front and honest about something that concerns me, and those I care about directly.

I guess it comes down to this:

We would prefer cash as a gift. Whether this message is conveyed on invitation itself, via a phone call from to Best Man or the Bride`s mother is inconsequential, as the result is the same.

The guests will know our preference. I won`t treat them as though they are ignorant about what it takes to put a wedding together.

To say that one method is pretentious, taboo or tacky, while the other is perfectly acceptable is a matter of personal opinion.