Gay Parent

I divorced my daughter`s father 18 years ago. My partner of 6 yrs. And I went to San Francisco last month and got married. My daughter has not talked to me since. My daughter`s shower is in one month and the wedding is in July.There are about 170 guests. I paid for her gown and tiara,wedding invitations, and the shower and about 60 guests of mine for the wedding. My daughter is taking it out on my partner by not inviting her to the shower, rehearsal dinner and wedding because of my life style. I received an invitaion without my partner`s name on it. I am very hurt by her behavior and I sent the invitaion back that I would not attend. My mother said if I don`t go she won`t go. I`ve never at any time given my 3 children reason to be embarassed or to have done anything for them to be ashamed of me. My partner has helped her with college papers, helped her finance their house and my partner just resently paid for a weekend in NY with my daughter and her fiancee and my son who was home on leave with tickets to a comedy club. Since I paid for the shower.. Can`t I invite who I want? Although my partner will not go where she is not wanted and I`m not feeling to good about this situation...or does it go back to the " its her wedding day and what ever she wants" no matter who she hurts? Any suggestions?