Parents Help Pay For Wedding
Hi there, i need an opinion, I come for a roman catholic faith and usually the parents pay half and half. Ive been battling with my mother for so long now about my wedding. My brother chose to marry in barbados which cost my parents 15,000 to make the wedding possible for him, this includes hotel, air everything now my fiancee and i are having a big wedding (99.9 % family) and his mom is giving us 10,000 for the wedding and all my mom does is complain when i ask her to assist us with the costs, i mention how my brother got what he wanted and it cost 15000 to make it possible but mom always says "but you brother did not get anything out of it!!, this is the stupidiest cope out ever on her part, and to boot she kicked me out of the house when i was 22 and not ready and nothing saved!!,, it cost my finacee 2,000 for the hotel i was staying at and to help me out, i did nothing to her to deserve this, she is an evil women with no friends left!!! and i know this is my wedding but i find it so unfair how she is trying to say that they have no money meanwhile they by big screen tv`s, all this fancy stuff all the time, she is full of sh*t!!! and its making me so unhappy and stessed out!! why cant i be treated like my brother!! i should get the same and to boot my mom never , ever wanted my brother to marry her, she is black and we are italian and she never excepted her and never will. When we first go engaged my mom contacted my fiancee mom to have a engagement party for us and my fiancee mom told my mom that she cant do it!! not sure why but my mom has been upset about this and in a way i understand her point** how can she of said no, i do know that my fiancee brother and sister never go an engagement party so maybe this is why, somebody please help me!!! mom and i are not talking now, she did put pay for some of the dep for my dress and i asked her to help me out more and she coped out again by saying they have no money which is bu*Lshi*T
Posted by tara; updated 04/15/04
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Tara, here`s a hint: If you think every single person around you is stupid, chances are that YOU are the stupid one.
I`m getting married next year and I am not getting a single penny from my parents. Do you hear me throwing a pathetic fit about it? Obviously you`re not focusing on the most important thing: Your love for your fiancee. THAT IS WHAT WEDDINGS ARE ALL ABOUT! I feel sorry for you becuase you think that everyone (including your parents) owes you something. Get over yourself and start acting like an adult and taking responsibility for the things you want in life. Honestly, I feel sorry for your future husband.
Posted by Katie; updated 04/15/04
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Tara, planning a wedding is tough. It is very easy to get stressed out. Your parents are supposed to help you. But if they refuse, you have to accept it and just get over it. My mom is a big talker. She says she is going to help me, until the time comes I need money for the wedding and she just doesn`t. But that is okay. Me and my finance are getting married in June and I having the wedding of my dreams. If your dream wedding is something you can`t afford, then it is probably not REALLY your dream wedding. Plan on you and your finance paying for everything (with the BIG help of that 10,000 your mother-in-law to be gave you). That way, whatever your mom does give you is just a bonus. If your mom is not paying for anything she doesn`t have a right to control anything. This is a major plus. I hope things get better. But to make the situation better, it`s up to you and not up to your mom. Good luck.
Emilee
Posted by Emilee; updated 04/15/04
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Ok let me just say I couldnt imagine having 10,000 dollars for my wedding. LMAO ANd you are complaining about ONLY having that much??? You desperately need a reality check, and maybe that is what your mom is trying to do. Best of luck to you and your FH cause it sounds like he is going to need it!
Posted by Brandy F.; updated 04/16/04
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Katie no, you are stupid, dont call me stupid, you mean to say if your mom did alll for your brother ( recently) you would not be upset! if your mom was favoring him, and by the way my fiancee feels the same way, when we have kids everyone will get the same treatment like it should be, and having 10,000 is not enough ( stupid) to have a big wedding i dont have a choice with inviting all the people; because it is all family, i feel sorry for your future kids katie, seeing as you think it is okay to favor, oh well no one is perfect!!!
Posted by ?; updated 04/17/04
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Wow! It`s great that you`ve come up with such mature come backs such as "stupid, stupid, stupid." As for the rest of your comments: They don`t even warrant a response. My parents HAVE paid for both my brother and sister`s weddings and will not be paying for mine. I`m not throwing a pathetic fit because I love my FH and we can put together the wedding of our dreams for FAR LESS than $10,000. Also, there is obviously a reason why your parents are not giving you the money you are demanding. Maybe they don`t have the money to give. Or maybe they don`t like your "I`m the center of the universe" attitude. Maybe you should step back and really look at the way you are acting. What mature 35 year old acts the way you are? It`s one thing to be upset about it, but it`s another to have a temper tantrum over something so small. Like I said before, maybe you should try to focus more on how much you love your FH and not on how much money your parents are giving you.
I wish you luck in finding happiness and maturity.
Posted by Katie; updated 04/19/04
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If parents don`t want to help pay for the wedding, then they should not attend the wedding and eat the food and drink the booze. Its not fair. My husband and I had a difficult time financing our wedding, nobody in my family offered any help at all, they showed up, they exploited our wedding to their advantage by having OUR photographer take their pictures, then demanding we give them copies of lots of different pictures, they made crass comments about our "small wedding", and I wished they had at least offered some financial help to offset their obnoxious behavior. If parents won`t help pay for the wedding, DO NOT INVITE THEM.
Posted by Missy; updated 04/19/04
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Missy, that is just not a very nice comment. There comes a time when people need to grow up and take responsability for themselves. Once you turn 18 there is no law stating that your parents are responsible for you in any way.
My FH and I are paying for our wedding on a very tight budget and my parents aren`t paying a cent. Let me tell you why... For one, I am 26 yrs old, I have a home and a family of my own. 2 My dad has cancer and cannot work, he is still supporting my mom and my sister off of what savings he had. He has been out of work for over a year and they are not sure when he can return, Since there is a possability that he will go back, disability will not help him even temporaily.
So i am going to assume that by your standards my parents should not be invited to my wedding, God forbid I would be selfish enough to say, Sorry dad, you are slowly dying and cannot afford to help me pay for MY day, therefore we do not want you there. Sounds resonable. Maybe I should call him right now and tell him that. I am sure if the cancer doesn`t kill him, a brokenheart would
Posted by Brandy; updated 04/19/04
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Tara, grow up. You`re acting like a moron. Were you dropped on your head as an infant? Seriously, read your posts and you will realize how petty and silly you really sound. I seriously doubt by your responses that you are mature enough for marriage. Most people don`t get 5000 for a wedding let along 10000. Make due you stupid little moron. Have a smaller wedding. You don`t deserve the day the way you`re acting. "my parents paid for my brother but not me" wha wha wha. You sound like a baby. You`re 35? Time to grow up lady and start acting like an adult. Get over it and pay for your wedding yourself.
Posted by Sarah; updated 04/19/04
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Brandy, everybody`s situation is DIFFERENT. In MY situation, if my parents were not to be supportive and pitch in to help pay for my wedding costs, if I were financing it myself, then I would be well within my rights to tell them to not bother to be there. After all, if I`m paying for it, I can decide who is there and who will not be. No they don`t owe it to me to pay for my wedding, and likewise, I don`t owe it to them to invite them. As for your particular situation, do as you feel you need to. I would not feel guilty at all for not inviting my parents. My parents are jerks anyway.
Posted by Missy; updated 04/20/04
