How Many Wedding Showers To Have?
Ok... So here is the situation. My mom is going to be giving my a bridal shower sometime in may/june to be held at our house. My FMIL is also having a shower in my honor at their house at around the same time. We are no having a big wedding but it is mostly family so each mother said they would have a shower for me for their respective sides of the family..... Which means that there will probably be about 20-40 people at each. Now I have found out that my brides maid and my boss have put their heads together and decided to give me a shower as well... For my co-workers and other friends who are invited to the wedding (there should be about 15 people at that one).
I love the fact that all of these people want to do this for me and i like the fact that this is going to make the showers small and so none of them have to be in a rented facility. What is concerning me is possible overlap of invitations on people.... Meaning that his mom considers one of our close friends to be their side of the family, but she would also be on the friends/co-workers invite list as well. I dont want people to think that they are getting invited to these get togethers so that they have to bring gifts.
So here is my question then. Should i put a restriction on who is inviting whom to which shower (ie... Family shower means ONLY family and not friends)... Or do i tell the people holding the showers that they should tell the people who are invited twice to not feel obligated to bring gifts and such to both (just their company is enough). Just looking for suggestions... What do you think?
Posted by stacey; updated 03/22/04
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I think I would explain to each host your concern and tell them that family means just family to that side and work is work that way nobody is invited twice. You should make a list for each host that way there is no confusion.
Posted by Brandy; updated 03/22/04
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Just let them know they aren`t obligated to keep bringing gifts for each shower they attend.
Posted by Missy; updated 03/22/04
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I`d skip the shower that your mother is throwing for you. It`s not acceptable for the mother of the bride to throw the bridal shower for her own daughter. Let your mother in law and your bridemaids give you the showers and divide the guests among them.
Posted by Linda; updated 03/23/04
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To linda. I`m curious.. Why is it unacceptable for my mother to give me a bridal shower?... As for my bm`s giving me one.... It`s mostly my bos for my co-workers and friends (she said she want s to do something small). My brides maid that is in town is not extremely co-operative (she`s my sister) and i`d really hesitate to hand her the responsibility of a big thing like that.. Plus.. Wouldn`t i be hurting my mothers feelings by telling her she can`t throw a shower for her little girl?
Just curious
Cheers!! :)
Posted by stacey; updated 03/23/04
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First of all, you don`t hand anyone the responsibility of throwing a shower for you. A shower is GIVEN to you. It`s not anyone`s respsonsibility, nobody is required to give you a shower. It`s a nice thing to do for a bride, but it`s optional.
Tthe reason it`s not appropriate for a mother (or immediate family member) to throw her own daughter`s shower is because of the nature of the event. A shower invitation is basically almost a solicitation (for lack of a better term) for gifts. What I mean is that the whole purpose of the party is to supply gifts for the bride to help fill her new home and begin her new life. That`s why it`s called a shower, as you will be "showered" with gifts. For the bride`s own mother to act as the host would appear self serving.
I suppose if it`s common around your circle of family and friends for a mother or sister to throw a shower, then so so be it. But make sure of it first. It would be better to disappoint your mother with this breaking news than to have her embarrass herself in front of people who think it`s tacky.
I`m probably going to get flamed for this. But you asked.
Posted by Linda; updated 03/23/04
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Linda,
I`ve always thought the same. I did a lot of research of all the ediquette sites before my wedding. I believe you are right on with your advice. My Mom was very important in the behind the scenes-helping my MOH plan my shower. She even helped with the cost(since I had a small wedding party), but her name was not placed on the invitation.
Posted by RecentBride; updated 03/23/04
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It depends on your situation as well. Since I have children I no longer have any close friends that will be throwing me a shower. I do however come from a very close family where my cousins are my best friends. For the last 8 yrs that is about all I hang out with. IF my friends think that I can`t have kids and friends too that is their problem.
Times are changing and so is the etiquette on A LOT of stuff. You just need to do what is right for your situation.
Posted by Brandy; updated 03/23/04
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What does having children have to do with friends and showers?
Posted by Hanna; updated 03/23/04
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Thanks for the input guys... Very informative. First of all i`d like to restate that i don`t expect anyone to hold a shower for me... They all started this up on their own (no imput from me). I think it is still ok for my mom to have the shower that she is holding. It is afterall only for my family (cousins aunts and so on) ... So I think that for the situation... It is ok.
Thanks for the opinions
And ps... I would never burn or flame (whatever was said) someone for stating their idea.... I asked for it and I got exactly what i needed... Different points of view :)
Cheers all!!
Posted by stacey; updated 03/23/04
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Sorry, Stacey - I jumped the gun by ending my post to you that I`ll probably get flamed. More often than not on this system, people will ask for information and then go off the deep end if the information doesn`t suit their wants. I apologize. I was "ducking for cover" (so to speak) in preparation in case you went nuts on me! ;-)
I`m sure whoever throws your shower will make it memorable for you. I hope you have a great time!
Posted by Linda; updated 03/24/04
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Hi Linda
I was in a similar position about a month ago with way to many showers being offered. I handled it with great care and worked it out so two of the hosts teamed up together and had one joint shower. Then I was able to have another shower turned into a brunch following the wedding. It`s very difficult because you don`t want to offend anybody who has so kindly offered to throw you a shower. I would start trying to work things out first witht he people who are closest to you. Just keep in mind these people are all trying to show their affection for you and HELP you with the pressures of planning a wedding etc. Be sure not to invite the same people to too many showers, it can be quite taxing on your friends.
Posted by L; updated 03/24/04
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A lot if you think logically. All of my friends are still party goers. I am only 26 with a 4 and an 8 yr old. I have no friends to throw me a shower so a family member is going to do it.
Posted by Brandy; updated 03/24/04
