Help!! The Only Gifts That We Need Is Cash

Wedding parties are to celebrate your union and your joy, they are not intended as fundraisers. If you need a fundraiser, maybe you should have one (sincere)! Have a separate Marriage Fundraiser Party (I think it`s tacky but what the heck) - at least you are being HONEST!

Registry cards? Requests for money? Hints verbally that you want money? Retarded money-grubbing poems? I think those are all TERRIBLE. I have been to a lot of showers and weddings in my life and I always bring gifts - not because it is required but because I love the person and want to be gracious. No offense but I think some of you here are not being very gracious at all! I cannottll you how sad it is to get a request for money or a particular gift! In fact i don`t think it`sTACKY I think it is ultimaltey HURTFUL. It shows you have cheap superficial values in life. That`s my op.

And to put a mroe practical spin on it: Why are you getting married? Why are you having a shower? Why are you having a reception? A honeymoon? Think about. I hope you are doing it to celebrate your great joy and have those people that love you show that they want to celebrate too! Not just fill your coffers. BTW I am Italian and although we have a loft of gift and money traditions at weddings it was always considered rude to ever ASK. You just don`t ask. If 500 people come and not one gift you should stil lbe happy!

Let me ask you a question: If you can`t afford rent, child support, upcoming trips, etc etc then prey tell me: WHY are you getting married?!

Love and hugs to all!

Deb

I don`t think that`s tacky at all. If you are asking for money to pay for your wedding then that`s one thing, but if you are simply requesting that if they are bringing a gift, then you would prefer monetary gifts then that`s quite gracious. You are not demanding or begging money. Anyway,this is how I am going to do mine: In the invitations I am including a small typed insert that states; "The bride and groom are conveniently registered at Bed and Bath, However monetary gifts are preferred."
Good luck.

I would never ask for cash. Period. I`m an adult and don`t require that others support me financially.

Natalya, the best way to do this is to let you parents and attendants know that you would appreciate cash gifts...but tell them to ONLY let people know that IF THEY ASK. Do not just tell people. My aunt asked my mom if we were registered or what we needed and my mom told her (only because my aunt asked), they are registered at the Bay as well they are saving to buy a house next year so you can help them save for their down payment if you choose.

CR**! It`s a preference not a speculation. People get 10 of the same items as gifts. What do you do with 10 of the same things, especially if you already own the same thing! Be real!

Diane, I can`t beleive that you would actually put that on your invite. It is rude to assume that your guests are bringing gifts. You know that they will bring them, but like anything else, you should never assume. I would be offended if I ever received an invite that said ANYTHING about bringing gifts. Sorry, just my opinion.

Only you know what`s kosher and not with your particular group. There are tons of etiquette rules, and I for one know which of my guests are like post#1 and which would be more than happy to know what exactly I need.

From an environmental conservation standpoint, I hate wastage, and I always try to be a responsible giver. Weddings as it is are prime waste-producing events. HELLO 21st century values and responsibility!!!

Try to tiptoe around the post#1 folks and do it the `proper` way, then spread the word via your grapevine that you are saving for a house, honeymoon, whatever. I still wouldn`t ask point-blank for money, but I`d get the word out to the pertinent crowds what my wishes are.

BTW--you can`t sabotage the meaning out of your special day by simply being in need of funds. Good luck to you--

I am so flummoxed by that first post!
Is that a suggestion that only wealthy people get married??? Marriage is NOT about money or child support or rent. It`s a special union between two people who want to share a life--money is irrelevant to the vows.
How a simple question can be extrapolated to this is beyond me.
To all the plebians wishing to share a life of love, etiquette is just a guideline for social behavior. Use your own intuition in the way you address your specific circle, and best of luck and love to you Natalya--

Although marriage is not about money people are likely to give gifts. When you marry a bit older you likely have everything you need and more. What is wrong with spreading the word that you are having a wishing well wedding/presentation wedding. I think that it makes sense.

My point exactly Laura.

There is absolutley nothing wrong with spreading the word. I just think it`s rude to ask outright for gifts, money or otherwise. That is why you have your attendants and family "spread the word".

As a teenager I used to think the same way, that stating your preference for monetary gifts was rude. However, as an adult I realize that you are not asking for a gift, but you are simply stating that for those people that plan on giving a gift, while any gift at all is appreciated, monetary gifts would be preferred. It`s not required at ALL. It`s PREFERRED. Nowadays, people tend to marry at a later age, after they have already left Mommy`s and Daddy`s home and are living on their own. In my parents time they went straight from their parents home to living with their new husband or wife in their own home and so they did not already own any furniture or appliances. In this case gift giving was a known requirement.
However, in this day and age a couple stating their preference for cash gift is quite normal.

But, if you already "have everything you need", why do you need money?

Diane, I will say again that i don`t have a problem with requesting that if people are going to give gifts that money would be appreciated instead. What I see a problem with is that you are asking for gifts on your invitation. Unless that is not you in the previous post. I beleive it said something like "For your convenience the bride & groom are registered at Bed & Bath, however money is preffered". I think it terrible to actually put that on your invite. This is were the "SPREAD THE WORD" comes into play. I am also in my late 20`s and my FH is in his mid 30`s. We don`t live together, however we have lived on our own for many, many years. We do have a lot of things that we won`t require as gifts, therefore we have registered for a few things, but we have no were mentioned that we are registered anyway or prefer money. Our families are telling people this info, if and generally WHEN guests ask what we need.

What`s the difference between saying it as opposed to including it with the invitations? Isn`t it just a rude to tell someone that you prefer money as gifts?

The difference is that you don`t go around saying it. If someone wants to know they will ask you.

There are two distinct groups here -- those who have class and those who don`t. If you feel it`s appropriate to include requests for gifts/money, etc in an invitiation then you have no class whatsoever. The rest of us would never think of doing such a presumptous thing!

This has nothing to do with class or no class. It`s about reaity. Anyway everyone is entitled to their own opinions. My 300 guests have no problem with me including my preference in the invitations as a matter of fact quite a few of these people suggested that I did this. Class or no class I will be going to the bank with a smile after my wedding!!!

Diane, re-read what you just posted. "I will be going to the bank with a smile on my face after the wedding". A wedding isn`t some big Jackpot that you win. I`m sure your 300 guests would be none to pleased to hear you say something like that. Anyway, good luck I hope you enjoy your wedding.

ETIQUETTE-(Noun).....The conduct or procedure required by good breeding.

I just had my wedding 2 weekends ago and whilst we registered at 2 places, we were still fortunate enough to pay our wedding off with the generous cash gift and furnish our new home with our registry gifts. WE DID NOT ASK FOR CASH - people are going to give you some regardless. Don`t be tacky and rude.