Advise With My Sis....

Tell her the truth - that you just don`t know what to tell her other than to be mature about it and give serious consideration to what the church elders are telling her. There`s no harm in waiting a little while or to secure themselves financially before getting married. Rushing into things when there are issues and only hearing what you want to hear without even sitting down and giving serious consideration to advice from experience is a sign of immaturity.

If after she has discussed these issues looked at the big picture from every angle and she still thinks marriage is the right thing to do at this time, then you should respect her decision and support her.

Thats right.. Honesty is the best policy... But maby you should reminde her that it is her decision and that you would only be giving her an opinion. That might make things a bit easier to discuss. What think?

The problem I see here is the church elders. They should be happy for her and her future husband. Do you think that this should happen? You know your sister better than any of those elders do. Does he treat her well? Does he love her unconditionally? Does he get along well with your family? Those are the types of questions that should be asked. Money does not make a marriage. It may make it easier (sometimes) but it does not make it work.

What gets me about the elders, back in their day it was normal for women to get married at 16 or so, why do they feel it is their business to tell people of a younger generation that it is almost a sin to be married before 30 anymore. I think people should get married when they feel they are ready. After they are married they will have the rest of their lives to be financially stable. You never know what tomorrow might bring!

The advise that they should wait until they are financially stable, is good sound advise, especially since many conflicts in marriage are usually centered around money. However, unless their situation is rather financially unstable, it sounds like they are just saying a line to stop a marriage they don`t agree with. I`ve never heard of church elders telling a young couple they are too young like this (well not at 22, maybe at 18). Maybe they have noticed something but do not want to come out and say it. I would reflect on their relationship as you know it. If it is strong, if they both are supportive of each other, they know each other and what each other wants out of life (this includes the details everyone forgets like how to raise kids, if they want kids, when they want them, etc. As well how money will be spent and managed), and especially if they both truly love each other, then I would say they are ready. If they don`t have all of this then I would say they should take some time to learn a little more about each others plans and thoughts for the future. My guess is that if they`ve been together for three years now, then chances are they know each other and are ready for the next step. But I don`t know your sister or her fiance, so carefully reflect, and then be honest with her, but try to do so in the most unjudgemental way and tell her that she has your support no matter what, because she will need it no matter what she decides. Good luck.
P.S. Age is subjective, so never buy the line "you`re too young." instead consider the maturaty of the individuals, some 20 year-olds I know have it more together than some 40 year-olds I know.

When my fiance and I first starting thinking about marriage, we both agreed that we were "too young."
I confronted my mother on our theory. She asked why we thought we were too young. I mentioned the normal stuff, the stuff society tries to beat into our minds. But my major point was financial instability.
I thought my mom would agree. But instead she asked, "Well if you`re going to struggle, why struggle alone? Why not have someone that you love to help you and lift you up?"
After hearing those words, my whole outlook changed.
It was then I remembered, that when my parents married at 19 and 22 they didn`t have a dime. Now, with eachother`s love and support they`ve built a very successfull family business that continues to grow.
If your sister truly loves her fiance and he the same, money should not be the issue keeping them from marriage.

I`ve never heard of church elders trying to pursuade a couple not to get married. So it makes me wonder what your sister and her boyfriend all really like. If the church is going all out to get them to really consider not to get married then I`ll bet there is a reason. So other than money or age, what is really going on with this couple that would make people think they shouldnt marry.

Please, Alyssa. Don`t belittle my sister like this. I know nothing is going on. I just think the elders are looking out for their best interest. Its not like the elders were going to kill themselves over it. I think they just wanted them to really think all this through, because at times its seems they didn`t plan everything through, but at other times its seems like everything`s set. I`m just looking out for their best interest.
Thanks.....

If she is 22 and has been dating this same person for 3 years, no one else has the right to judge her decision to marry him. She is an adult who has been in a long term relationship with someone and its her decision to make.