ASKING FOR PEOPLE TO PAY WEDDING

Hi meme
I am not asking people to pay for the wedding, and It was my fault that I did not state it clearly. We have already paid for most of the things: place, wedding , musicians, dress, few flowers... We are short on money though for decorations, and other details like bows or wall flowers or guest book .... We basically can` t spend any more on those things, and It is fine by us because we rather use the money to pay for my parents airfare to come from Morocco to the wedding, we are not destitutes or homeless. I was just thinking that most of that after a weddings most of the people throw or store their decorations, but never use them. So there is no shame in asking for donations, or borowing some of these things. After my wedding I will be glad to donate what I have right now. Any way I just wanted to make that clear, and you are free to think whatever you want. And please don`t attack me like that because you know nothing about me. Think about it.

Meme,
I agree with saloula. Usually i am not one to advocate for begging for money or the sorts, but it seems like all she wants to do is borrow decorations, centerpieces, etc. Which really like she explains is something most people throw away after their wedding anyways, or store. Some people donate it to goodwill or to a close friend.

On this site you see many people asking if anyone wants to share things....

Now if she was asking for money, or for people to donate certain things like the food, her dress, etc, i can understand ur reaction.....

You must be very unhappy inside meme, I really feel bad for you....

I AM A VERY HAPPY PEPSON WHO IS LOVED BY MANY PEOPLE.I WAS NOT ATTACKING SA BUT THE OTHERS WHO HAVE POSTED RECENTLY.I HAVE 3 WONDERFUL CHILDREN,AND IN A FEW WEEKS WILL BE MARRYING A WONDERFUL MAN!WE HAVE NO ONE HELPING US PAY FOR ANYTHING. WE`VE BEEN INGAGED FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS AND DIDNOT START PLANING UNTIL WE COULD AFFORD IT.A NEW HOUSE AND CAR HAD TO COME FIRST. SO SA ,I DIDN`T MEAN ANYTHING TOWARD YOU,ONLY THE OTHERS THAT PLAN A WEDDING THEN ASK FOR DRESSES,RINGS,FOOD ETC.I GUESS I AM TOO INDEPENDENT.HAVE A NICE DAY.

I think it is perfectly fine to ask to borrow things for your wedding. My fiance and I have set aside five thousand and it is nowhere near enough. Weddings are very expensive now. I completely understand where she is coming from. I dont think you should attack her meme. It`s not a matter of independance, it is a matter of where she is financially and some people cannot help where they are. I am borrowing lights and plants form a co-workers wedding two months before mine. My fiance and I have both two cars and a house. We are not poor and yet we still cannot afford to do it alone. My advice to you is to not be so judgemental.

My wedding was 10 years ago. My hubby and I were getting married on a budget. I was just finishing up college and he was just starting his carreer. We were both adults (23 and 25). We did not feel right asking our parents to pay for our wedding. I was fortunate that people offered help just like you are asking for. Someone gave me a beautiful pair of earings for our special day. A family friend gave us the flowers as his wedding gift to us. We supplied the vases which I picked up at a thrift store. My veil was borrowed from my sister. My dress was purchased used for $50 (hand beaded I am sure it was pricey when new). The use of the lovely cabin for our honeymoon was also a gift. My friend, a prfessional caterer, displayed the food elegantly. A few friends offered to make dishes for us. I am a cake decorator so I tackled the project of baking, from scratch, and decorating my 5 tierd wedding cake. However, I had no idea how difficult that was going to be with everything else going on and would not recommend that to anyone!

Anyway, when the wedding was over, I had no need for the many beutiful decorations and wedding stuff. We lived in a small place and storage was limited. I passed the cake plates on to the next bride. My dress was donated to Goodwill and everything else was given to anyone who could use them. I am a huge advocate of reusing and recycling.

I hope it does not offend anyone that I am willing to wear a used wedding dress or other wedding items. I do not believe the success of a marriage has anything to do with how much money was spent. Success in marriage is about who you marry and the communication you share.

Best wishes to all,
Julie

I don`t think meme was rude, in fact I think she has a point. She didnt mention any names, some got defensive at their own will.
Grow up

She did attack me explicitly, and you can read her comment at wedding donations by saloua

Don`t have time for your drama. For some one who`s asking for donations you sure are very stuck up.
No one should be obligated to agree with any one particular person. Learn from it and move on, have a ball.

Meriem-
Apparently you are the one who needs to grow up. You sure seem quick to make judgements especially when this is just some ridiculous wedding site. I think people should stop defending themselves because they have nothing to feel bad about, let alone from an opinionated, self-righteous loser such as yourself. You have my pity and I`m really sorry...maybe someday you`ll figure a few things out within yourself. I hope so Meriem .

In the hispanic culture its perfectly normal to ask for help with the differents costs of a wedding we call them sponsors or padrinos

Well, well well...Jan;
In the Spanish culture they don`t ask. They offer. Maybe you`re just another moocher. I`m greek so I wouldn`t know. And yes this is a website to get ideas, not to be cyber-panhandleing. Meme says it on her second response, she wasn`t attacking anyone. I only use my computer at work, because I am looking TO BUY A DRESS, not to get it sponsored.

Thanks Miriam.At least one person saw my point of veiw.Where i come from, people offer their help,decorations,etc.no one asks people to finish paying for their wedding.Every state is different.As for the cost of weddings,i know how expensive it is.The cost of mine has doubled since we started PLANNING.But would never ask anyone to pay for any of it.We planned this and went over budget and WE`RE paying for it. I am a strong believer in``IF YOU CAN`T AFFORD IT YOU DON`T NEED IT``.It`s like saying,``I`ll have this baby,but can`t afford it ,so,i`ll just ask around for formula,diapers,etc.I am sorry if i have offended any of you,and there we`re some of you who seen my point of veiw.Thanks for getting the picture of what my point was.If 2 people truely love each other,they shouldn`t put a rush on getting married until they can afford it.After all,you will spend the rest of your lives together.

I can understand asking friends and family to borrow things like wedding gowns, veils, garters, etc. That they wore in their wedding. Or asking a friend who works at a bakery to make a cake as your wedding gift. Things like that. I don`t understand coming on the internet to ask strangers for stuff. I just find it to be strange. It does seem like "cyber-panhandling".

Meme,
I am sorry, but living in sin with another person until you can save up for a wedding is just plain nasty.....whats the point of a wedding if your already living with someone, have kids from them, and have bought a house. A wedding is supposed to celebrate your future life together. The way ur doing it sounds like your just having a party to show off after the fact that your already together.....

If you don`t have the money, just get married in a simple ceremony, but don`t live in sin until you save up for a nice big wedding....

The only difference between you and a prostitute is atleast a prostitute is getting paid.

Who needs to be home watching a soap opera when you can get a saga on the internet.

LOSERS!!!!!!!

Welcome to it, Nancy, you fit right in.
Now the other lady who condemns, should read her bible and learn there is only One Judge.
I hope your weekend is great.
Regards,

Miriam Vasconcelos

Meriem,
I bet your guy is cheating on you. It`s so fun to make fun of people like you because you really are pathetic. That`s how I know your guy must get on other chicks. Perhaps, that`s where your insecurities arise. If your guy really is cheating on you...I am sorry. We can`t all find the right guy.
Adios-

I`m getting married in October and my fiance and I are paying the "freight" so to speak. As far as wedding gifts are concerned a "monetary gift" or as I`ve come to learn by reading on these mesaage boards "presentation wedding" is what I will be having. Requesting cash does not mean that you are asking someone else to Pay for your wedding. After your "day" is over, it`s just you and your spouse. In my culture, a "Monetary Gift" is the only accepted protocol for a wedding gift.

Meriem,
If you believe there is one God and He Judges, why don`t you follow what He ordered us to do. Why don`t YOU read the bible where it says you shouldnt commit adultry, or do you just want to take what you want and leave what you dont want...hmm.....

I`m a bit worried about joining this thread - goodness knows what you`ll all say about a message from a woman living in Britain but here goes.

First of all, over here it`s considered pretty normal to see message boards with messages asking if anyone has a certain size wedding dress or decorations they no longer need etc.,

I`m getting married in October and so far the budget is running at around £16,000 (that`s pounds, not dollars) for 100 people (Britain is an expensive place) so I have a friend who is making the wedding cake and another who is making the bridesmaids dresses - they offered and I`m happy to accept the help or the budget will have to go up yet again.

I`m amazed that the US seems to have such a "this is the way it should be done" attitude. Over here I`ve been to church weddings, civil ceremonies, couples putting a website on their invitations asking for donations to pay towards the honeymoon, gift vouchers being asked for, registers of gifts or gift lists being included in the invitation or being available without going in the invitation. I suppose what I`m trying to say is over in the UK it`s all acceptable. Every couple is different and we all have different cultures and ideas.

As for being an unpaid prostitute if you live with your man before you marry - well I`m 41 years old, my ex husband used to beat me and I left him. I`m marrying a wonderful man in October and yes, I do live with him. Having been a survivor of domestic violence I know I`m a strong woman and would not dream of insulting another woman by calling her a prostitute - life can be hard enough for some women and we don`t need to add to it with upsetting names.

So ladies - whatever your wedding is like I hope it is the type you want. Listen to your heart, not to other people - they have their own ideas of what is right and ALL your ideas are correct....for YOU.

The last thing I am going to say (yes, I know, we Brits do love to talk!) is that spending cash doesn`t make the wedding special - we`re lucky, we have the money to spend. But if my man was going off to fight in one of these terrible wars we have at the moment I would marry him wearing my jeans rather than never marry him at all...

Good luck with all your weddings, large, small, expensive or less so. I`m sure you`ll all be beautiful.

J xx

I think equating women and men who live together to prostitutes is the most digraceful and ignorant thing ever said. People choose to live together for many reasons, and no, it usually isn`t because they can get free sex every night. The ONLY difference between people who live together and people who are married is a slip of paper. Their love is the same, their daily lives are the same, etc. They wake up every morning with morning breath and still role over for a kiss before they go make coffee. They still fight over bills and kiss to make up when the problem is resolved. Anyone who thinks a marriage or a cohabitational arrangement is based purely on sex should have their head examined. "Someone", who are you to judge? Do you know these other ladies on this board? Do you know why they decided to get married or live common law? Does it even matter to you if they do? People who live together have every right to celebrate their love as people who don`t live together. It is not gloating in their love (if this is true - then every couple who celebrates and anniversary is guilty of this). Congrats to everyone out there, and I hope that you`re weddings are all you wish them to be.