WEDDING GIFTS

Sarah,
First off is this your wedding no didn`t think so, second off don`t really remember saying I was having a wedding. It`s cheep skates like you that try to wiggle there way out of getting a gift for other people, obviously gifts are parts of weddings lets try to remember that, or this discusion would not even be an isue. I would never expect a gift from anyone nor demand anything, personally I myself would not ask anyone for money. I was saying that I would not take it so personal if someone did ask for money for a wedding present. Everyone goes through had finacial time and could us the extra money rather than pots and pans. I feel people need to start giving better advice even if you have to play the devils advocate obviously that was my biggest mistake!

Janelle,
First of all, I never said I didn`t provide a gift to my hosts, I always do, whether I`m going to a birthday party or a dinner party, or a wedding, so calling my a cheapskate is presumptious (as we have all seen you be) and rude. What I said, if you read my post again, is that a gift should never be expected. Unfortunatly, as you have pointed out in your post, everyone goes through financial hardship, and I, for one, would rather have my GUESTS show up and enjoy my day without providing me with a gift over having them have to choose between feeding their kids or finacing my honeymoon. The kids win hands down. And I do know financial hardship, I am a full time student. My fiancee and I have lived together for 2 years. Given the preference, I would prefer cash, but the debate isn`t whether or not cash is an appropriate gift to give, but whether or not it is acceptable to put that into an invitation. And the answer to that is NO NO NO! I would never write that into an invite because I do not expect a mound of gifts or cards from my guests, I expect them to come and enjoy themselves and have a great night celebrating my fiancee`s and my new marriage, THAT is what the whole wedding is about, not money or gifts. If someone whom I invite is strapped for cash, I would rather have them bring me nothing at all then an envelope stuffed with money. If they did feel obligated, a nice inexpensive picture frame is a lot nicer than $10 in an envelope (for that may be all they can afford). How do you think that person would feel while the B&G are opening all these gift cards with a lot more money and then they get to theirs? They would be embarrassed. I suggest if people don`t like the gifts they recieve, donate them to someone who would appreciate them but can`t afford them. A women`s shelter or homeless shelter would love that toaster or coffee maker. No one on here has said that giving money is bad, what they have said is requesting it is bad, rude and presumptious. It is insulting and although the intent may not have been to insult the guests, it does. It suggests to them that the true reason for the invite is to gain access to their pocketbooks. NO gift info should EVER be included in an invite. You invite your "guests" to come and join you in celebration, not to finance your honeymooon or home. If their intent is to do this, then they are having the wedding for the wrong reasons. And BTW, if you aren`t planning a wedding, then why are you on here bugging us that are? I mean, don`t you have more to do with your life than sit here and snarl about what is and is not proper ettiquette, because everyone here has seen that you don`t have a clue what you`re talking about.

BTW, the word you were looking for was CHEAP. Cheep is was a baby bird does when it`s hungry.

Sarah, you are absolutely right. Your points are articulate and well stated. I believe that the people who keep forcing the issue of asking for specific gifts or money are people who are looking for some validation of their poor manners. Just because something may be "acceptable" to you does not mean it is right. I would hope that anyone who has considered asking for anything (including monetary requests or placing gift registry cards or honeymoon contribution information in invites) will read these posts and think, "Oh my god - I can`t believe I almost did that. I`m so glad I figured out what is appropriate before I made a fool of myself in front of all of my guests." (But perhaps that is wishful thinking...)

I would also like to reiterate that none of the posts I have read suggest that a couple should not register or that they are not allowed to have a preference about what kind of gifts they would like to receive. What people are saying is that it is not acceptable to REQUEST those things in writing, via invitation, etc. However, the etiquette tips I have read have suggested that it is acceptable to spread your preferences via word of mouth. Tell your bridesmaids, your mother, and your close friends what your preferences are. That way if anyone asks them what to get you, they can suggest whatever it is that you want (cash or whatever). Please keep in mind, though, that when you ask people to spread the word about what you would like that you are not sending them out on a mission to get the message to all of your guests. They should only bring it up if asked.

All of that being said, I suggest that the people who are struggling with what is proper etiquette and what is not should buy a bridal magazine (Martha Stewart usually has a good etiquette section) or a wedding etiquette book. The answers to so many of these questions are politely - and easily - explained within. And perhaps it will be easier for those who are committing faux pas to take the advice of published authors, as opposed to those of us posting on this board.

Sarah you really need to stop talking for other people if they have something to say let them say it. The only reason why everyone is disagreeing with me is because I went on here had something to say and said it, doesn`t bother me. But you really have no right to tell people they shouldn`t be here getting married or not. I never stated weather or not I was getting married because that had nothing to do with this conversation. If you want say who can go on these boards than work at Party Pop, until that happens shut up because there is not a dam thing you can do about it. I have seen you on here before and you can deny it all you want go ahead and say its another girl named sarah or what ever but all you do is harass people about there grammer, spelling, or decisions they are going to make. Your not helping anyone, I never said to make out a list of what you want for your wedding and stick it in the invitations. Where I come from its ok to put where your registered, not a big deal. Just because there are like 5 women on here who dissagree, wow that must mean thats the way things are done. Ya right wake-up, you do things the way you think they should be done and let the rest of us do it the RIGHT WAY. That does not include asking for money or presents, but simply stating where you are registered!

Jenelle,
Again, I have no clue where the heck you come from...is it some red-neck, population of 300, where there is only one place to register and you extend the invite to the whole town by placing the invite (and registry info) on the telephone poll? Your comments are bizarre.
Oh, I must be the 6th gal to disagree with you...I MUST be wrong too?

When you are referring to the word whether (in reference to in opposition), it is spelled WHETHER, not weather. Weather is what it is outside (rain, snow, sun). If you`re going to come on here and try to attempt to sound credible, the least you could do is spell correctly. And as for my name, Sarah was the most popular girls name in Canada (where I am from) for 24 years (during the late 60`s to mid 80`s). Do you suppose that maybe, just maybe there could be 2 Sarah`s getting married that like this website, or perhaps that is beyond your simple twisted little mind too.