Family Problems

Mary,....Do not worry about a thing. YOU and YOUR true family will have a wonderful time. Quote - (They treated me just like one of their daughters, put me thorugh school and everything.) Now, why should you worry? Your adopted family obviously cares so much (truly) about you and your well being. This is something very special between you/your fiance/your family <---the family who cares about YOU & took care of you when you needed it most. When they saw that you needed some help as a child, they were there. Now, you are grown up and your wedding day is a special way of saying "Thank You", as you & your partner start your new family together. Your birth family who is causing problems for this special event, haven`t they ALWAYS caused you problems? This should not be taken personally. THEY are the ones who are disfunctional, and THEY cannot ruin your event or your future unless you allow them to. They are NOTHING to you. I understand that you probably care for them, alot even. However, you cannot go around pleasing everyone. Especially for YOUR wedding. They can come, so what! They`ll say negative things, so what! They will cause a scene... So what! It`s not like "everyone" attending doesn`t already know that they obviously are the ones with the problems here. If I didn`t even know you, and I attended. I would know something was going on with your birth family since the program or invitation would say something to the affect that "Your Gardians or Angels" would give you away. You don`t need to get stress out about them. You cannot help that they are upset or should care what they have to say. Why are they upset? Because they want to be involved in your wedding? (If they have grown up a bit since then), and now want to be a part of your life or future life, this is not the time nor the place. They had their chance to be a part of your life. That time was when you were born and for the the next 18 years. They choose not to or not to do it very well. Another family who never planned on raising another child, took that responsibility on voluntarily. Life is not this way, Mary. This family who raised you are one of a kind, and you can NEVER thank them more than having them be a part of your wedding. That`s the least that you could do. Your real family doesn`t deserve anything else from you, ever. An invitation should be an honor to them. From what I see is that they are trying to bring you down with them. You were very thoughtful to at least invite them, now they should give you the same respect and take the invitation "quietly" without any suggestions or remarks, or leave it! You`re much different than they are and you cannot change them. I`m sure that it may break your heart to be firm with them, but you absolutely have to put your foot down. Your whole life will be a mess, you must go on. You must be a GREAT person, you have met another man out there who loves you terribly and a whole family who provided you (voluntarily) a loving place to call home. You hold your head up and think long term and into your future. Who do you really want to say "Thank You" to? Does it matter what these other people want? They didn`t jump through hoops to provide you with what you wanted (love/trust/confidence/companionship) and they didn`t even care to provide you with the things that you NEEDED which was a home/clothing/education/food. My advise is, "Ok, there invited...(you know there coming), you have fun and enjoy this event. Act as if you are on a cloud floating "above" them the whole time. If they want to cause a scene or problems....show them the door (with a smile), and make a mental note to self that you would not be marrying this person nor have the same friends that you have if you were as miserable and unhappy (with themselves-not you) as your "real" family is. Be thankful, and celebrate!

Mary, you definately should listen to Angie ....she`s right. Angie you rock ! I love your sincere thoughts and advice.

Jennifer, thanks! I was hoping to get the point accross without offending Mary. Good Luck Mary, we`ll be routing for you. And good luck to you too Jennifer.

If they do show up to your wedding, just let them know that if they start any problems, they will asked to leave and removed from the celebration. Fiance and his mother have not spoken in a year and, as of yet, she is not invited to our wedding. We think she knows the details because of a cousin and we could see her showing up anyway. If she does, that`s fine, but one bad move and either the ushers or a cop will escort her out. The appropriate people have already been alerted of this small problem and what may need to be done. It may seem harsh, but this is YOUR special day and NOT ONE PERSON has the right to ruin it for you.

I just wanted to thank everyone for being so understanding and supportive, it really helped me out!
Thanks again

~Mary~