Wedding Dinner - Guests Pay

Laura your idea is perfectly fine. I am saddened by the messages responding to your request.
My friend is doing the same thing for her small wedding of 17. I feel that true friends and family would love to share in the event. That`s right people focus on the wedding and the couple NOT that you have to pay for dinner!
The term is " Non hosted dinner" or "No host dinner"

Oh ok so somebody makes a "term" for it and that makes it okay. Yeah right.

As I said Laura, you do what is right for you...
Ignore negativity that can cause you stress at this busy time in your life, you don`t need it. It`s not about the "term" non hosted dinner or even the event. These people are to caught up in what they think should be happening. Your wedding is about the love between you and your future husband. It is YOUR wedding and YOU can do whatever YOU want at YOUR wedding and they can do want they want at theirs. Those negative people won`t be going to your wedding so there isn`t anything to worry about!
Be happy! All the best.

Tania, it seems the other way around to me - that a few people are too caught up in pleasing themselves, doing what`s most convenient and money saving, without much regard for their guests. If the wedding is really all about YOU and WHATEVER YOU WANT, then you should run off just the two of you and get married. No need to invite anyone because it`s all about YOU.
I think there`s another term for your way of thinking-- Bridezilla.

Bottom line - You don`t INVITE people to cover the costs of your wedding festivities. Period.

Would one have a bouncer at the door collecting money in advance to ensure no guest thought their meal was free?

How about you also ask them to pick up the tab for your dress, the flowers, and the officiant`s fee? Why stop at just charging them for the meal? You could MAKE money on this event.

Ladies, ladies please! I can`t be Bridezilla because I am the friend of the bride. Heehee - this is like a bad drama t.v. Show. ANY WAY I am sure that the Bride and Groom in a perfect world would love to pay for all 17 people. However, they can`t afford and as many other couple have the $ from the parents backing them up - they do not. So the couple has invited all 17 to the wedding ceremony and then extended the OPTION to join them for a non hosted dinner.
This is 2004 people - be open to the ideas of others - your way is not the only way. Sometimes people have to make tough decisions. Again I as a friend of the bride have no problem with having the option to attend the non hosted dinner. Infact all 17 are confirmed to attend. No gifts are being given. Our thoughts are not that they are getting married and the owe us a free meal. We want to share their Wedding day with our friends because we value their friendship.
Friend of Bridezilla - Tania

Ladies, ladies please! I can`t be Bridezilla because I am the friend of the bride. Heehee - this is like a bad drama t.v. Show. ANY WAY I am sure that the Bride and Groom in a perfect world would love to pay for all 17 people. However, they can`t afford and as many other couple have the $ from the parents backing them up - they do not. So the couple has invited all 17 to the wedding ceremony and then extended the OPTION to join them for a non hosted dinner.
This is 2004 people - be open to the ideas of others - your way is not the only way. Sometimes people have to make tough decisions. Again I as a friend of the bride have no problem with having the option to attend the non hosted dinner. Infact all 17 are confirmed to attend. No gifts are being given. Our thoughts are not that they are getting married and the owe us a free meal. We want to share their Wedding day with our friends because we value their friendship.
Friend of Bridezilla - Tania

While I can understand why you would choose to have a no host dinner and think that is perfectly okay, I do kinda feel that with a wedding, it should be about bringing the people you love together to share in your joy and love. When it is possible, you should try to provide for your guests. There are many other ways to have a nice wedding dinner without costing much so that your guests wouldn`t have to pay. You could have an outdoor dinner in your own or someone elses backyard. Round up some folding tables from friends and relatives (even card tables would work) and buy some cheap fabric to create really nice table cloths. Set up candles, flowers, etc. For a simple display and put up christmas lights (preferably white) around the yard. For the food you can go to costco or BJ`s or another wholesale store and get the food and simply ask one of your friends to prepare that day/night as gift to you and your groom. Or if you are having your wedding at a church, they often have a room that you could use to hold the dinner in that you could decorate. It is possible. A friend of our family did all of the food for one of my cousin`s weddings (I even made one of the deserts myself) and there was an incredible selection of really good foods enough to feed a good 100-150 people. Anyway, that`s an idea. But don`t let people on this message board make you feel bad for whatever you choose. While I agree with many that the wedding isn`t just all about whatever the bride and groom want (you should consider your guests). I`m guessing that you wouldn`t choose to do something that you feel would offend your guests. These people are most likely really important to you and that is why you chose them and only them, I`m sure they know this and would have no problem paying for their dinner, it is just nice, if you can, to be able to provide that yourself. One thing if you are asking them to pay for their dinner in leiu of a gift you could also write on the invitation no gifts please. Whatever you choose, do what is right for you and your guests. Good luck on your wedding, i`m sure everything will work out just fine.

No matter how broke you are, you should be able to pay for 12 people. Isn`t either parents helping out at all? Will one of them be willing to pay? I would not attend a dinner where I was expected to pay. Sorry. You can word that on the invitation, don`t be surprised if people skip dinner. I say, scale down on the wedding then to the bare basics, so you can afford dinner for 12.

Avoid talking about dinner (and who`s paying for it) on your wedding invitation. Your invitation will be something you and your family will cherish forever and it need not include this information.

Instead, send out a separate, less formal invite for your dinner party. Organize it like a luncheon for which invitees send in a check as a part of their RSVP. Your invitation will include a menu and at the bottom will state the price. Be sure you include tax and tip in the meal price and that you denote what beverages are included. That way, you will have collected everyone`s checks and paid in full in advance for their meals before arriving at the resteraunt.

As a separate event with a separate invitation, the rules of wedding etiquette do not apply to your party. Along those lines, you may want to leave out the word "wedding" on the dinner invitation. Everyone will always associate this dinner with your wedding anyway, but fewer eyebrows will be raised if the invitation does not directly state that this dinner is your wedding reception/celebration and you want your guests to pay for their meals.

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That`s a great idea Andrea.

Invite them to the ceremony then either by word of mouth or informal invite (easy with 12 people) - spread the word that you will be going out for dinner afterwards - perhaps someone else could `organise` that part in name.

"As a separate event with a separate invitation, the rules of wedding etiquette do not apply to your party. "

Uhh, yeah. But social etiquette still applies. You don`t invite people to your celebration and ask them to send in a check for their meal. It`s horribly rude. Whether you write the word "wedding" or not on the invitation makes no difference. You think if you don`t write "wedding" that all social manners get tossed out the window?

The only time you can ask people to send in money to cover their dinner is if you are organizing a charity or business event. I don`t think your friends and family being invited your party constitues charity or business.