Who Pays

I think that you have deeper problems here than who is paying for what. A marriage is about partnership, that includes debt. If he is unwilling to help incur some cost in the wedding, then what does he expect from the marriage? You should sit down and have a long discussion about both of your expectations not only for the wedding, but for the marriage. Come to a compromise. That is what marriage is about.

Thank you Sarah,

I feel the same way (that there is an underlying issue here). I just didn`t know how to articulate it.

I agree. If you guys decide to go ahead with this marriage, ask him how much he is willing to pay, than double that and use it as your budget. For example if he says he can only pay $200 dollars, than you put in $200 dollars and have a VERY simple wedding. Don`t start off your marriage letting him make you pay for anything.

It seems to me that he wants the wedding, just doesnt want to pay. He knows you really want the wedding and will pay to have it. Once he sees that your not going to shell out the entire amount, he might even add more $ to his contribution. Hope it works out....

I`m sorry but if you are getting married there should not be "your money, his money". There is no "you pay" or "I pay". That should be raising up a red flag right there. It should be "our wedding" not "your wedding" paid by "our money" not "your money".

Krissy

Thanks to everyone for your advice. I truly appreciate your honesty.

"Honey - don`t eat that. I paid for it, not you!"

I can`t even imagine a marriage with separate debts, finances, etc.

Ok I think maybe,the girls are looking into it deeper than what it is.I see kind of text book answers. (sorry girls no offense). I can kind of understand.When we started planning and I threw $3000 out for a figure,anthony said ,no way its too much,all we need is me , you and the rings! Yeah, he`s right but for women,we vision the whole thing.Men don`t.Most men dont visualize theyr` wedding day in detail like we do.Oh they think about calling you THEIR wife,having kids,the honeymoon. Actually ant. Is more happy about the honeymoon,to him,thats the fun part.Men look at 3 grand and say,we can buy a car,or put it toward the house,then we`ll be a married couple with a nice car! it is kind of silly to spend 3 grand on 4 hours(im doing it too) but thats what women envision.Anthony didn`t realive all the little cost that add up.I still hear how he cant believe we spent 300 on paper!But when he sees how happy its making you and you show him,he`s not gonna have to go without for you to have a nice wedding,he`ll come around.I tried what he said in the other way.When i wanted to spend 200 on chair covers,i told ant. I would pay,he got mad and said its all our money so if im paying,hes paying.It takes some people time to get used to that idea,so gently tell your man,if you pay its still coming out of HIS pocket. But if he proposed to you,he`ll most likely come around..good luck let me know how it turns out!!! STACY

You are being reasonable - he is not really be reasonable. $3000 is not much for a wedding, or even a big party. He should be willing to compromise on this, because you are already compromising by agreeing to have just a small wedding in order to save money.

I just read the additional comments:

Stacy:

You were right. We`ve since had a talk and your comments were actually at the bottom of the issue. He wants to spend the money on something like a house or honeymoon rather than a wedding which he kinda views as boring. He admitted that that`s what he was reacting to and it wasn`t so much about the actuall dollar amount in the first place.

Missy:

You`re also right. In our talk I pointed out where I had compromised so that we could have something we will both be happy with and he couldn`t (and didn`t) argue with that.

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I`ve also backed off talking about the little wedding details and the money. I`ve decided to just come up with a basic outline of expenses so he can see what I had in mind and how it can add up to $3,000. I`m also coming up with ideas and options that I think we`ll both be excited about.

Once he realizes that I`m not trying to have him in a stuffy suit in a big cathedral and lots of pink flowers and tons of people (his biggest nightmare) but something more like a party celebrating our new life I think he`ll stop being so wary. BTW-no offense to anyone who had a big wedding in a cathedral with pink flowers. :)

Bride, im so glad it worked out for you! My BF is the same way,he dosn`t care for a lot of people coming,especially people he really doent see often or even like too much.Maybe you can do what I wish i did,and for a LOT less money.They have cruises.Free weddings on it.You take 6 people plus you and him photos included,cake and cruise for like 800! good luck