Family Issues
My fiance comes from a very well-to-do family, everything about them (especially his mother) always has to be huge and flashy. We want to have a simple and fun wedding. We live in Arizona, so we planned to have it outside at a ranch and have a bar-b-que. All of our friends and my fanily thought it was a great idea, but when his parent heard they threw a HUGE fit. His dad said it was disgraceful and disrespectful, (because it is supposed to be a sacred day), and his mother started bawling. So now his mother and 2 sisters have started taking over and planning this huge gala wedding in an exspensive hotel with a few hundred guests, and they would pay for everything.
Maybe were being completely stupid, but me and Ben have told them no, and that we will be having it the way we want and we will pay. But now his family has started to say they wont come, and his mother wont speak to him.
Neither of us will enjoy our wedding if we do it the way his family wants, and none of my family would be comfortable. But if we have it our way, it could ruin any sort of relationship he has left with his parents.
I have no clue how to handle this?????
Posted by Leah; updated 01/27/04
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Hey! I am sorry to hear of your dilemma. The best that I can tell you is that this is YOUR big day. It is not your fiance`s family. I know that it would be very tough dealing with the family in this situation. I think it sounds like his family is very immature and selfish. I know that it is important that his family is there, but they have to make that decision to grow up and realize that this is the two of yours day and not theirs. Try not to let yourself feel bad about it...b/c there is really nothing that you can do...they have to do it themselves. This is your big day and I wish you the best of luck...Let us know how everything turned out!
Posted by Whitney; updated 01/27/04
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Leah-
It sounds like your mother-in-law is very selfish. Have the wedding YOU and YOUR FIANCE want. They will come around. If they truly love their son they will be at the most happiest day of his life.
I am having problems with my family and his but they will not ruin what I have planned. They just don`t see the big picture of things. Hope things turn out wonderful.
Just remember make yourself happy, don`t try and make others happy because you will end up hating your wedding day.
Posted by Shelley Ann; updated 01/27/04
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It`s truly a shame that your future in-laws have forgotten that this is not a social event for them but a celebration of you & your fiancee`s love/commitment to each other. It is great that your fiancee, Ben, is man enough to stand up to his family and support what you two want. Try to maintain high road and, if possible, incorporate some things that perhaps your future in-laws may want. However, under no circumstances should you allow anyone (your family or his) to completely take over and ruin your wedding day. Politely, but firmly, let them know that you are willing to incorporate some of their ideas into YOUR current wedding plans but you are sticking to what you want and whether or not they attend is completely up to them. If ehty want something big and elaborate then suggest they throw rehearsal dinner.
Posted by Valencia; updated 01/27/04
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It`s truly a shame that your future in-laws have forgotten that this is not a social event for them but a celebration of you & your fiancee`s love/commitment to each other. It is great that your fiancee, Ben, is man enough to stand up to his family and support what you two want. Try to maintain high road and, if possible, incorporate some things that perhaps your future in-laws may want. However, under no circumstances should you allow anyone (your family or his) to completely take over and ruin your wedding day. Politely, but firmly, let them know that you are willing to incorporate some of their ideas into YOUR current wedding plans but you are sticking to what you want and whether or not they attend is completely up to them. If ehty want something big and elaborate then suggest they throw rehearsal dinner.
Posted by Valencia; updated 01/27/04
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Man alive, i thought i had problems when my mother in law told me they wouldnt attend if it wasnt a methodist minister :)
I think you should sit down with them and explain that you are in no way trying to `offend` them or be sacreligious, but that you want to have a fun comfortable wedding with your friends and family. I liked the idea of letting them do the rehearsal dinner, and then having the actual wedding however you and your fiance are comfortable.
If they cant accept this then, as tactless as it sounds, so be it, have fun without them. :)
Posted by Sandra; updated 01/27/04
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Compromise, compromise, compromise
Sit down and do some compromising. Its totally ok to have both. Let them have their fancy wedding, and than have a reception the way you want for your side of the family and friends later.
Posted by elbintdee; updated 01/27/04
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I am sorry..but I strongly disagree with elbintdee....Leah, this is your day!!! Do not let them have the wedding the way that they want unless it is what you want also....once again, this is your day and you should do whatever pleases you...I am sure that everything will work out for you! Good luck!
Posted by BrideBE; updated 01/27/04
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Just want to say thanks to everyone for their posts, really helped me out :)
I really liked Valencia`s idea about having them do the rehearsal dinner. I suggested this to my mother in law and at first she was quite ticked off, but when Ben told her she would have nothing to do with the actual wedding planning, she decided she liked the idea, so shes already started planning away. By the looks of things i think we might be having a rehearsal dinner that costs more than the wedding :)
Posted by leah; updated 01/28/04
