Postponing A Wedding?!?!?
I wanted other people’s advice on postponing my wedding. I`m suppose to get married on April 16, 2004 and my church messed up my wedding date four months before my wedding and now I have 3 months until the big day and no church. I was baptized catholic and *suppose* to marry catholic, but no other catholic churches will marry us due to the fact that we are not members. And I really want to get married in a church preferably catholic. Then three of my bridesmaids moved away and are not coming back into town to do any wedding stuff with my maid of honor and me. My parents are throwing fits because they don’t want to pay for everything in the wedding and my finance and I are extremely broke and can’t afford the whole thing right now. My maid of honor is getting married two months after me and I’m her maid of honor, and she wants the whole BIG wedding ceremony. So I have to pay for stuff in her wedding too, like the $300 bridesmaid dress, her bridal shower and her bachelorette party. I have been engaged for almost 3 years and I’ve had this wedding date picked out for 2 years. My maid of honor just decided to make it that close to mine so we could plan everything together. It didn’t really help out that much, if anything it’s making me not want to get married right away due to the cost that she is now wanting for her wedding. So I was wondering if anyone thinks that I should just postpone the wedding until next year so my finance and I have time to save up a little more. Let me know what anyone thinks, I’m open to suggestions.
Posted by Kayla; updated 01/16/04
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Though it takes some phone calls, there are churches that will marry non-members. I just got engaged not even 2 weeks ago and I have already got the banquet facility and yesterday I just booked the catholic church. It does depend on the church because I went to a Catholic school from K-8 and my sister got married at the same church however when I called to see about getting married there the lady was very rude and no one called me back since I am no longer a member. But I called another Catholic Church about 5 min. Away and the priest was wonderful and very accommodating. It really depends on where you call. Don`t give up if this is the date you have always wanted. My fiance and I are paying for our wedding ourselves and we`re having a very elegant affair on a budget. You can do this without a huge financial committment you just have to take the time to use the internet as your main resource and make phone calls. I reallydon`t know what to tell you about the bridesmaid issues but it really depends on what is the most important to you. Are having these ladies at your side on your wedding day means more to you then I suggest that you find a date when they will all be available. But we`re getting married in June of this year and I haven`t had much of a problem making arrangements (though it`s a Friday). April might not be too hard to find a church depending on where you live. Good luck!!
Posted by Sherri; updated 01/16/04
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I would think you church should be willing to help you get into another church if it is there error. There is also retired priests who will marry you outside of the church. I also get the feeling that you are a little overwelmed. I you love your fiance marry him in April. Church or no Church. If the church part is so important to you maybe you can have the church ceremony during the week and have another ceremony at your reception site on the actual day you were originally planning. Good Luck
Posted by Bobbi; updated 01/16/04
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Hey Its me again. I was thinking about this. I think you need to decide if you want a Wedding or a Marriage. I have been in the Wedding Photography business for 12 years. I hold negs. For one year. This year I contacted my Brides to come pick up there Negs. About half are separated. If you are not sure about getting married DONT... If you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. Marry him.... A big wedding with all the bells does not mean a happy marriage. My husband and I eloped. We wanted a house more than a wedding and we do not ever regret the choice we made.
Posted by Bobbi; updated 01/16/04
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Well thank you everyone for helping with my wedding situations. Well we definitely want to get married. We have been dating for almost 6 years and have lived together for almost 3 years. So it’s mainly a wedding for us not for everyone else. I gave up on the whole trying to please everyone with planning the wedding, ‘cause it’s a wedding and someone is going to be upset, that just comes with the territory of planning. Well I’m the one who really wants to get married in a Catholic Church, and I asked advice from our Priest and he said there wasn’t much that he could do. And when I called other catholic churches in the area the either wanted us to become members at that church or wanted us to pay WAY tooooooo much to get married there. I’m talking around or more than $1000.00 just to use their church. We have an ordained minister that could marry us but no Catholic Church to get married in. I really want to get married in a church, it has been my dream. This is just so stressful and my finance keeps telling me to make the decisions that I want, so he really doesn’t help. :-) If it were up to him, we would just get married at the courthouse. But I don`t really want that. I don`t want the BIG wedding scene either; I just want a nice wedding done cheaply, no bells and whistles.
Posted by Kayla; updated 01/17/04
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Hi, Kayla --
A little confused. What`s more important to you: the Catholic priest, or the Catholic church setting? The answer makes a big difference....
I agree w/ Bobbi that your church has a responsibility to help you find another RC church. It was their error. Try being nicely but firmly assertive!
An alternative: most parishes are "territorial", meaning that technically you`re supposed to live within their geographical area to be a member. But "non-territorial" parishes are kind of common; they`re usually ethnic one -- Italian, Polish, etc. Anyone can be a member, no matter where you live. And such parishes might be more amenable to holding your ceremony w/o pressuring you into joining the congregation.
As for the $$$ they request, obviously you have no control over that. But, again, it`s where your own parish can come into the issue. Light a fire under the church secretary (not the priest)! Tell her/him you expect this parish`s assistance in negotiating the same member "donation" at another church.
But Bobbi is only partly correct re retired priests. Church law demands that a Catholic ceremony be held only in a Catholic church; & all priests, retired or active, are obligated to tow the official line.
Now, that`s not to say you won`t find non-conformist priests who *will* break the rules. But liturgical guidelines are even now being implemented by the Vatican in *all* churches, making all the rules re what may & may not be done even more stringent.
Good luck!
Bonnie
Posted by Bonnie; updated 01/17/04
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Have you ever thought about having your ceremony and reception in the same place? I have a huge reception site and decided to have my ceremony there as well. I know you said you really wanted a church, but having the ceremony there as well has saved me time and money. I only have to decorate one place and since the ceremonies don`t last long, we can start right into the reception. The guests will be seated at their tables, but I will still make a "center aisle" to walk down and have the wedding party as I would if I were in a church. Just a thought if you can`t find a church and don`t want to push the date back!
Posted by Jamie; updated 01/17/04
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Today I made a decision to postpone my wedding. I have been engaged since Oct 10, 03. The wedding was set for July 17. I am from Kenya and the wedding was to be in Canada. I could not see myself getting married without my parents and there is no way I was going to make enough money to bring them over. I was getting stressed out and decided I was not going into debt for the wedding. I told my fiance that we will take the wedding to Africa.. I feel relieved.
Posted by Minneh; updated 02/07/04
