Help!! The Only Gifts That We Need Is Cash

I am a newleywed who was `tacky" enough to mention in my invites that gifts were unnecessary since the presence of my guests was enough, but that if they desired to give something to our new lives that cash donations would be appreciated. I can`t tell you how many guests have thanked me for doing that. They have said that it saved them time & effort finding the right gift and that they hoped it gave my husband and me a more extravagant honeymoon. I think the key to this is knowing your guests. I am a teacher & my husband is a cop, and we have everything we need in our house; what we wanted was a terrific honeymoon. One of you wrote that "if you can`t afford the wedding, you shouldn`t be getting married." I guess your mommy & daddy paid for your wedding, but the rest of us working-class slobs want to get married, have a great and memorable time doing it, and do not want to spend 3 weeks returning gifts they don`t need in exchange for other junk they won`t use.

Quit lecturing. The girl just asked for advice on how she could word her request, NOT for whether it was wrong or not.

Umm.. You should re-read her post. She didn`t just ask how to word the request. She said she wanted a way to do it without being rude. There isn`t any way to do that without being rude.

GO Kerry!

Um...I don`t need to re-read her post. I understood it the first time. She still was asking for advise on how to politely word her request. There are many ways to word things to seem polite which might otherwise sound rude. Maybe you should re-read her post...she didn`t ask for a lecture on whether or not anyone thinks it is rude to ask for cash in lieu of gifts.

Rastep, look you can work around the issue how every you like. The woman asked how to politiely word something in her invitation. Fact is there is no way to politely word any mention of gifts in the invitation. You can sugarcoat it all you like - do cutesy cliches or poems, but it doesn`t change the fact that it`s not acceptable. In fact (and this part is only my personal opinion) I think the cliches and poems make the request even more horrid. "Your presence is our present blah blah blah... We prefer cash... Blah blah blah. If YOU want to still do it, go right ahead. But I for one am not going to give incorrect information to brides who ask for assistance in treating their guests politely. Besides it`s not likely that all of us are wrong and you are right. Bottom line though, the bride who asked the question can be sure she has the right information and now she can make an informed decision. If she still wants to ask for gifts in her invitations, she will.

The registry is completely different. First of all, the registry doesn`t go into the wedding invitations. Second of all, guests only get access to the registry if they ASK for it. Some might want to get you something specific that you want and some may want to look at it just to get a sample of your tastes and color preferences. But the bride never tells her guests what she wants or where she is registered, unless her guests specifically ask her. Normally though they will ask the brides parents or the bridesmaids.

If you want $$$, then the best suggestion is to not register. If guests ask where you are registered, then the reply can be "We/or They (depending on who is answering) are not registered because we already have an established home". I guarantee you the majority of your guests will write you a nice wedding check. Good luck to you.

I want to add that there is a way of getting cash for your wedding presents without being rude. They offer wedding registries with a lot of items to choose from. You would register with them just like you would at any other place. But the only difference is, when you are ready to close out your registry after your wedding, you have the option of picking and choosing the items you want to keep or if you do not want anything you can sell everything back to them and they will pay you cash. This way, your guests don`t feel uncomfortable giving you cash and you don`t feel unconfortable asking them for it. I did my wedding through them last year, and I got about $8000. Check it out.

Sonia-where was this that you registered? I have never heard of that...

I think that if you are already living together, them most people will already asume that you have everything and give you money. I was just married in Sept. And my sister seemed to think that I was a good idea that I register somewhere, so I resistered for a few thing at Wal-mart. There was about 75 guests at our wedding and we only received about 7 or 8 gifts total everyone else just gave money. There was only 3 people who bought us stuff from the registry. I think that most people know that people want money more than gifts. I wouldn`t put anything on the invitation asking for money. I don`t think that thereis a good way to ask for it. Most people already know you would rather have money. Hope this helps a little.

Jenifer,
Its an online service. The webiste is www.giftNetworld.com. I didn`t know about them either, but I went to the biggest bridal show in Houston called Bridal Extravaganza, and they had a booth over there. Thats how I found out about them. I registered through them, and it was definitely a good experience, since I didn`t have to ask my guests to give me cash, but I still got cash.

Since your wedding has only 30 people, it would be easy enough to have a good friend or family member "hint" at this for you. It doesn`t have to be publically printed. People will get that around by word of mouth. Especially if you don`t register, or register for a small amount of items.

I have seen this suggestion many times before to have your mother or maid of honor "hint" that money is all you need. Why should you exploit those that love you most and give them awkward and unpleasant task of panhandling your own guests? The greed and selfishness of some brides astounds me. I think a general rule of thumb is if it isn`t acceptable for you to ask it yourself, don`t have someone else do it for you. Another thought for the day: Forget the gifts and cash. Be grateful for all those people who took time out of their lives to witness the birth of your marriage.
By the way, I will be asking for no gifts all or if they want to give something, donate time or money to a charity of their chosing. My fiance and I are graduate students, financially independent, and paying for our wedding in full. I know my family and friends love me, I don`t need a toaster oven or check to prove it.

I am happy you feel that way.

It is customary to give gifts. If you tell people not to, they still will. Would you really go to a wedding without a gift? Well, probably... The least you could do is make it easier on them. You sound like you are just trying to make yourself feel better. Want a cookie?

I tell myself I will be nice on this board. I am erasing things that I would really like to say to you...

I had three people OFFER to "hint" without me even mentioning that I would prefer cash. So, I guess, you could wait for someone to offer? My mother seems to be doing it on her own without me ever having asked her to.

This is getting to be a waste of time... I try and give advice in the nicest manor... But some people are just ...RUDE...

I guess all we should do is just stick with our own intuition and forget about the rest of us. Nobody has to take my advice, I just like having it out there.

Natalya-

I am sorry your post has become a focal point for stressed out brides (myself included) that clash with views and advice. Do what you think is best. Your people will understand you.

Geeze, everybody....!
*giggles* We all have different viewpoints and desires, thats what makes us different, right? In 2004, traditions are changing and dying....Brides are putting MEN on in their bridal party, couples are eloping more (mostly because of the stress of planning a wedding and everything that goes with it), things change over time, people...thats what keeps time going:change ;)
Just a few words from me
Anyways, Natalya...
If you would like to ask your invitees for money rather than actual gifts, then do so....its YOUR day, honey! Just be tasteful about it....you don`t need to hire a poet to write some cryptic message, nor do you need to explain yourself...everybody`s needs are different! "In liu of gifts, the couple would appreciate monetary donations that will help them begin their new life together" (just a suggetion) anyways...I think you have every right to do so...and yes, people will still bring you gifts, and you should send them thank you notes as well...you might get a safe to put all the cash in *giggles*
Blessings and best of luck, my dear!
Peace,
KerrEy (just notating that Im not the other gal ;) )

Kerrey, you are mistaken if you feel that the current year has anything to do with proper etiquette. Time does not change what proper etiquette entails. By telling this bride, and I quote "If you would like to ask your invitees for money rather than actual gifts, then do so....its YOUR day, honey!" you are setting her up to look rude and presumptous.

True, it`s a day in celebration for the bride and groom; however, it is an event that is being HOSTED. Therefore, your guests should be treated with respect and telling them you want money for a gift is rude. It is proper to give gifts at a wedding, but it is never proper to tell your guests what to bring you.

If a couple would prefer to receive gifts of money, then they simply should not register. Guests are not stupid, they will put two and two together.

Gifts and money should never be mentioned in a wedding invitation - ever.

Kerrey, you are mistaken if you feel that the current year has anything to do with proper etiquette. Time does not change what proper etiquette entails. By telling this bride, and I quote "If you would like to ask your invitees for money rather than actual gifts, then do so....its YOUR day, honey!" you are setting her up to look rude and presumptous.

True, it`s a day in celebration for the bride and groom; however, it is an event that is being HOSTED. Therefore, your guests should be treated with respect and telling them you want money for a gift is rude. It is proper to give gifts at a wedding, but it is never proper to tell your guests what to bring you.

If a couple would prefer to receive gifts of money, then they simply should not register. Guests are not stupid, they will put two and two together.

Gifts and money should never be mentioned in a wedding invitation - ever.

This is better known as a wishing well. I recall seeing on invitations this notation. Another way is to get the work out that it is a wishing well wedding so tell someone that likes to gossip and it will spread.

Would like to revive this thread! My fiance and I were both in previous marriages for 13 years and have 2 of everything! We don`t want fancy towels or silver tea sets. We both really need $ to offset the cost of our small wedding and honeymoon.

I was maid of honor for my good friend`s wedding 7 years ago when she was in the same circumstance. I made her a "money tree", a small painted, glittered tree in a pot with clothespins on it, and we put on the invitations that she was having a money tree reception.

No one complained, most came in and clipped their card (with cash inside) to the tree, and a few gifts showed up as well. Most guests said it was a great idea. I would like to do the same or something similar. I don`t feel I`m asking for $, I`m just asking, If you are going to spend $20=$30 on us anyway, we could use the cash.

What do you all think?

I like the money tree idea. Good luck at all your weddings, whether it be the problem of the monetary gifts in question, or where to seat family members, or what to choose for your food selections, no one that I know over the years of being in the wedding business is ever satisfied 100% with what you choose to do. I agree it is your day and whatever you choose to do is beside the point of "the wedding", the marriage of two people in love. So, good luck to you all.