Wedding Help:My Parents/Family Don`t Get Alon

Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding!!!!

I understand your situation quite well as I`ve been in a very similar situation and I understand how hard it is. My heart truly goes out to you -- it makes a time in your life that should be happy into a time that you are sad and stressed.

I too had to face this same sort of situation with my recent wedding. Is it safe to assume you`d rather not have your dad`s friend at your wedding? From your post it sounded that way, but if I read it incorrectly I apologize.

Here`s what I`d recommend (based on the assumption that you want your mom there and not your dad`s friend..) Sit down with your dad and explain the situation in a calm manner -- try not to get too emotional and put him on the defensive (easier said than done as I couldn`t do it and ended up threatening to run over my dad`s wife). If he can`t understand how you feel and how it will affect your wedding day you may have to make a decision. You either let him bring his friend and pray everything turns out well -- or you tell your dad that he won`t be invited if he plans to bring her.

I know it`s easier said than done -- but believe me, it has been done. Having challenging family dynamics makes a wedding stressful and because I was in a VERY similar situation I can sympathize with how you are feeling.

I sincerely hope everything turns out for you. Think long and hard before you talk to your dad and be ready to make the decision that you know is right.

My thoughts are with you!

Hi, Kara & Meredith!

I really don`t want to offend either of you, but I have to significantly disagree. A bride or groom`s parents are adults w/ their own personal lives that go way beyond revolving around a wedding. Sure, in an ideal world everyone would put away their differences for the sake of a son or daughter`s wedding, but this world is hardly ideal.

Kara, I don`t know how long ago your parents divorced/separated, or how long your father has been w/ his new partner. ***But that`s the reality of your parents` lives now.***

If you want your father to be present at your wedding, you needn`t like his partner but he must be allowed to bring her. Minimize his role in your wedding, drawing certain lines if you must, but remember that this *one day* will be over very quickly, whereas your relationships w/ all these people will continue into your future.

Your mother, even if this infidelity occurred quite recently, needs to bear up too. You apparently already confronted your dad over the presence of his partner, true? (Sorry if I`m wrong, but that`s how it sounded.) You need to confront your mom, also ... Nicely. There`s no reason why she should be indulging in a crying jag at her daughter`s wedding, just because her former husband brings his newer partner!

My advice? Invite both parents & any one guest each wants to escort. Warn them ~ teasingly yet w/ a hint of seriousness ~ that you expect them all to be on their best behavior! Then, for both the ceremony & the reception, separate your mom & dad`s seating so that they needn`t interact except at the most insignificant & superficial level. Then, having done your best, relinquish responsibility for your own role in their behavior; & just don`t get into endless discussions of this w/ other relatives.

In the end, on your wedding day you won`t even notice much of what occurs ... Other than your own happiness!

As Meredith said, "easier said than done", but don`t let such issues wrest control of your wedding away from you ...

Regards,
Bon

Kara,

Many of us find ourselves in this very same situation. I understand, and will tell you what I plan to do. It may or may not help, but I hope it does.

I wrote a long letter to my Mother and included a small gift to her. (a small, personal gift that can be carried in her pocket) I told her how much I love her, and how much it means to me for her to be present at my wedding. I let her know that I understand how hard it would be for her at the wedding with my Father`s new wife present. I asked her to carry this gift with her, so she will remember how much I love her and need her there.

I also made sure that my mother had plenty of company during the wedding and reception. She was never alone, or without a dance partner. My friends, cousins, and brothers were wonderful about this. I made sure she was a part of every aspect of the celebration...

It all worked! (: good luck to you.