Cash For Gifts

What`s wrong with requesting a gift that will actually be used??? My fiance` and I both have our own homes, completely furnished with everything needed to live. After our wedding he will be moving into my tiny, one bedroom apartment until we find a house. Where are we supposed to store gifts??? I would much rather request monetary gifts to be used toward new things for our new home, rather than more kitchen appliances that I will be stuck returning because we already have 2 of everything. Besides...the bride is entitled to make her day special for her! It`s her wedding, not her guests. If they are so ridiculous and silly as to be offended by what she needs and wants, they`re better off staying at home...good riddance!

Holly, the problem is that it`s not acceptable to request gifts at all, money or otherwise. If your guests ASK you what you would like then you can politely answer them. But you can`t initiate talk of gifts by requesting anything.

People register for wedding gifts all the time and announce somewhere within their invitation where they have registered in order to get the gifts they want and need! Would that be considered "asking for gifts?!" Rather than announcing that I`ve registered at a store, I`m announcing that I/we would appreciate money instead. We are NOT, by any means, "asking for money." From my own personal gift-giving experience, I know that I would rather give money then shop for a gift that the receiver probably will not like, need or use!

Hon, you don`t announce where you are registered. You don`t put the registry information in your invitations and you don`t go around telling people where you registered. The whole idea of a registry is to give people ideas about what you like and need IF they want to know!!!!! Which means keep your gift talk to yourself unless you are asked.

First of all, DO NOT call me hon. Second, are you invited to my wedding? NO! So keep your NASTY attitude to yourself. This message board is for advice, opinions, and help.....not knock-down-drag-out-fights. If you don`t like what I`ve choosen to do, that`s fine, but you don`t need to get ugly about it! My wedding, my choices. I really don`t understand why every posting I`ve read here is full of contempt and attitude. I came here looking for advice, not a fight!

Holly, the only one here that I see as starting a fight is you. Your right, we`re not going to your wedding and no we don`t have to like what you are doing, but no one here is trying to shut you down, they are mearly stating their opinions on what is right and what is wrong. Personally, I don`t care if you choose to ask for money or not. I plan not to for my wedding because I believe it is rude to tell your guests what to give you for your wedding. I will just be happy with their presence (being there) for my wedding themselves. Please don`t feel that anyone is attacking you because none of us has any vested interest in what you do. But we are also allowed to post whether we agree or not. This is what the boards are for. If you are getting so upset about this, perhaps it might be because you feel that in some small way the other`s here are right? Just look at your decision and think about it from a neutral standpoint and perhaps you will either a) agree with your decision to ask for money
Or
B) see that yes, it is a little presumtious and rude

Anyhow, good luck with whatever you decide to do. I hope you have a beautiful wedding either way

Holly,
Sorry for calling you hon. I didn`t mean the term in a nasty way, I call just about everyone that most of the time... Habit I guess. Anyway, you asked about the registry so I answered. Sorry you don`t like my answer. I don`t care what you do since it obviously doesn`t affect me. But other people obviously are looking for the right way and if I know what it is I will say it.

Lady`s, I fully understand that this message board is for opinions, that`s why I looked at it in the first place. I was merely shocked at how some of these women have "talked" to eachother...total strangers being hateful to other total strangers. And please, let me explain that I am not asking for money or gifts, I was just considering informing my guests that if they were going to give something, my fiance` and I prefer money. We are not greedy, money grubbing jerks who are begging for or demanding money. We will be grateful to any one who celebrates our wedding by their presence, not their presents. I think that anyone who has agreed with receiving cash has been completely misunderstood as being selfish, demanding, greedy, ungrateful, etc....that is not correct. Different circumstances bring different needs. Let`s not be hateful and harsh because we have different feelings on what is proper and what is not! Let`s be happy that we`ve found love and have weddings to celebrate that! I apologize for MY attitude to any one who may have been offended!

Lady`s is possessive (as in the lady`s purse). Ladies is plural. You should have used ladies.

Just to stir the pot .... Get over this spelling thing.....
Do you not get it? No one has proper grammar on this board.

If you would like a monetary gift consider having close friends or family drop the hint when the question is asked among them. Also, you could consider a very small gift registry.

My mother realized that me and my FH already have everything we need (except for the down payment on our new home), and offered to hint to those that ask our situation.

WOW! All you 2 are concerned about is silly spelling and grammar mistakes?! Pretty sad! Gina, that is a good idea, thank you!

According to proper etiquette such as Emily Post, it is rude to ask for any gift at all. Now, that being said, yes, it’s your wedding, your family and friends, your relationships. You know what you can do and not do. Protocol calls for the invited guests calling your mother or Matron/Maid of honor and asking what you are looking for or where you are registered.

Money is always the best gift in reality. But for some reason people still consider it rude and inconsiderate to give. It is thought to take no effort to give cash. It’s the way we are. I personally love receiving cash. But I have been reprimanded for giving it. Even gift certificates are considered in poor taste. I also agree that this is bunk. The best gifts I received for my wedding was gift certificates and cash. We spent the cash on our honeymoon, when I wrote my Thank You notes, I wrote things like, “Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift. We enjoyed a fancy dinner (or Broadway Play) while in New York. Thank you so much for providing this opportunity.” The gift certificates we received were for things to do together, dinner, movies, ski lift, roller-skating, etc. That was so fun! We did things and went places we may not have on our own. This is something you can suggest to people who refuse to give you cash. This way they still have to put effort into it and you can really use it later, together.

As for people being rude on this or any board, I have found that when people don’t get the answer they are wanting, they accuse others of being rude or hateful. This drives me nuts for what it’s worth. If you want advice, be prepared to get it in many forms. If you want people to only agree with you, be honest and say so.

Dawn, thank you for your kind reply! I am fully aware that people will have different opinions than me. I just don`t understand why some of these opinions had to be so harsh in the way they were presented! Thank you for your input!

Holly, I agree that people can answer with what seems like rude replies. But we must remember that inflections cannot be conveyed on this board. Most people just do not write well. Meaning, their words are fine, their grammar and spelling is fine, but they are not "creative writers" and do not express emotion well in their writing.

Take the time to read this post twice as an example. It can honestly be read two different ways and still make sense to the reader. Read it once in a caring manner (as I’ve intended) and read through it again in a hateful manner. The same words apply to both instances. So, we are at our own mercies many times to figure out people’s emotions behind their written word.

I will go on record that some people leave no room for doubt by the their comments made. They belittle, call names, and are just outright hateful. There’s nothing you can do for these people. In all honesty, they have very little social life and this is it. Or, they are insecure in their own lives, have little control over their lives or some other negative situation going on. Instead of reaching out in a loving way to give the same advice, they must maintain some sort of imagined control by attempting to control others on these boards, rather than tackling the issues in their own lives. If this is the case, we are dropping to their level by even acknowledging the comments to begin with. Let them straighten out their own attitudes or misfortunes before trying to help us. But there is nothing we can say or do to help or change them.

Dawn, thanks for the laugh! You`re absolutely right! I felt sorry for the two women who had hatefully pointed out my silly spelling/grammar error. It`s sad that they are so insecure that they had to belittle me (and everyone else who has made such mistakes) like that in order to feel good about themselves! It`s interesting to see how different people are and how they respond to messages posted on these boards!

I`m amazed at the majority of you who claim they know the proper & "right" way to get married. It seems to me that the proper way is whatever works best for the bride & groom. Some of you are so clouded by tradition that you dare not make your wedding unique. Do what you like. Ask for cash instead of gifts if you want. If you don`t, DON`T. You know your guests & how they will react better than the people on this board. Good luck & best wishes.

Having your say in the wedding and reception is one thing, but doing things your own way on your wedding day doesn`t eliminate the fact that need to remain tactful, hospitable and gracious to your guests. Asking for cash is not about bucking tradition or having a unique wedding. It`s only about being rude and presumptuous.

And registering for gifts isn`t presumptuous? By registering, we are assuming that people want to give us something we will use in our new married life. How is it rude to save them time by giving money instead of hunting through registry after registry in search of a gift in a comfortable price range (each guest has his/her own comfort zone when it comes to spending money)? As long as you let your guests know that their presence is preferred to their presents but that if they insist on giving you something in celebration of your marriage that cash is preferred, most adults would not be offended.

As already mentioned, it is also improper to tell people where you are registered. Your guests are to find out through another source: the mother, Maid/Matron Honor, etc. Asking for gifts in any way, shape or form is in bad taste.

As other sand myself have also stated, it’s your wedding, your friends and your relations. You know them better than anyone. If it will not be found offensive by those you’ve invited, go ahead and make this information known to your guests in whatever fashion you would like.

Only the wedding couple can answer this. But if you ask what is documented proper etiquette; no do not ask for anything in any way. Any published book on etiquette will back this up. We are not just blowing smoke.