Cash For Gifts

What about Gift Registry? Isnt that saying get me this only!?!?? And is not that the NORM NOW?

Real Woman? or spoiled little child......
I believe you post this every so often to get everyone`s ire up. All I`m going to say to you THIS time, is I am very happy I am not one of your family or friends. Where were you drug up?(as the saying goes).Listen to yourself....why should your family and friends finance your life. Have the wedding that YOU can afford. As for the registry question...this is true. But the registry is tipically used for shower gifts which because the Bride or couple do not host their own shower and the reason for a shower is to shower the couple with gifts
It is acceptable. When it comes to weddings, of course everyone is going to bring you a gift, but you should not expect, or request one. The day is for you to invite people to share the happiness of your day not to BEG for gifts and money. I`m going to tell you you do not have to lower yourself to BEG for money, because most of your guests will bring a card with money in them. People know everyone can use cash....I always give cash, but if EVER I received an invitation such as you plan on sending I would go to Walmart and buy you the cheapest blender I could fiind. We got married two weeks ago and we received cards with money from everyone except about 6 guest and they brought us lovely memorable things....and we did not have to beg. I say it again Real Woman, real women are not rude, crude, or looking for the world to support them, they are educated and independant ready to do what is needed to do for and provide forTHEMSELVES in a respectable way!
I bet your parents are proud of you...hmmmmm

This is to Recent Bride:
The Realwoman did not post this again. Once a thread gets 20 replies the 21st reply will start a new thread with the orginal post. So that`s obviously what has happened here. Plus if you saw the original thread Realwoman came back after her wedding and told everyone that she actually took everyone`s advice and did not ask for money. She admitted that she was wrong and thanked everyone for setting her straight. So I guess since she was willing to admit she was wrong and did the right thing she really is a Real Woman.

Real Woman (Kerry),
I`m sorry, I just knew that I`ve seen you post this before. I thought that it may have been what you said about 20 or more posts, but when it was dated with that day`s date I thought you reposted. I am sorry for this misunderstanding.

You people need to lighten up. RecentBride, why don`t you realize that some people aren`t as touchy or as offended as you. You seem like the b#### on here. Sounds like you would be better off not showing up any anyone`s wedding. Yes we are all not perfect like you. Please tell us, how are you so perfect because we all so want to be like you.

If you would feel offended enough to buy someone garbage for their wedding, you need to be kept off the guest list completely. Don`t go at all. Maybe you should politely tell somebody then that they should make a change to their wedding invites? Not everyone is perfect like you, some families are more laid back than others about asking for money. I just recently got an invite to a wedding and the woman put "monetary gifts appreciated" sure it wasn`t the coolest way to put it, but this lady is going to be my future sister and law so I won`t do something so tacky and buy her crap she doesn`t need. We all know that her and her new husband will be moving across the country so we all know she probably needs the $$$. If you want to burn bridges with your family then go ahead. It would be suck to be related to you.

And no, this is not the author of the post. Just one more person on here who thinks you need to be slapped.

Lighten Up, I was appalled reading your post to Recent Bride. Yes, she may have gone over the top questioning Real Women`s post, but none of us need to lower ourselves to anyone else’s standards. I was much more offended by your post than hers.

I agree with every Point recent Bride on wedding gifts. Although I may not have agreed with how she said it. Weddings are for gathering together to celebrate a joyous event. They are not for expecting gifts. Courtesy is to be offered by the giver, not to be expected by the receiver. In inviting (in other words the bridal couple are the givers here) people to wedding, they are to extend courtesy (gifts, food, dancing, whatever). They in no way should be asking for courtesy to be extended to them. No one has the right to ask anyone for a luxury. Down payments on houses are luxuries, not required. They can rent. If they cannot afford their own down payments, blenders, toasters, whatever the case may be, they are not ready for marriage.

Wedding showers are quite different. A loved one gives wedding showers, they are not to be thrown by the bride or wedding couple themselves. Again, courtesy is to be offered by the giver, not to be expected by the receiver.

This is what I read in Recent Bride’s posting. Sometimes we have to look beyond how someone says something and read his or her intention.

I registered for my honeymoon. A neat concept, at www.thebigday.com. It`s kewl your guests can buy a part of your honeymoon from your "wish list" and then they mail you a check periodically.
They even send little insert cards that you can put with your "save the date cards" and mail them to your guests. Ettiquette says you can`t put them in your invitations. Which doesn`t make sense to me and I am a Bridal Consultant. Guests are going to want to get you a present what better time to send the registry information. Some people your parents won`t be in contact with. Ah well just to let you brides know from a former and future Bride and Bridal Consultant also the big day lets you create a wedding website for free!
I have talked to most of my family and my wedding is not until 12/05/04 and they did not find it offensive that i registered for my honeymoon and and sent them the cards. Parts of my family aren`t speaking with each other and none of my friends even know my parents. Since we are still young, (24/25) and he is military (not a lot of moolah), and we are paying for the entire wedding ourselves our parents can`t really help us and we still have a VERY modest budget and wouldn`t be able to afford the honeymoon otherwise they want to share in our day and when we said we would have to cut the guest list due to budgetary concerns they asked if they could help that way. THat is what real families do. They help each other out and if I had not talked to them they would not have known. I gave out verbal Save the Dates since I had seen them recently at a funeral for my grandfather in their christmas cards I am sending out of town accomodations, registry cards (premade my the company) and the maps. Because my family is coming from all over the country (I didn`t want to exclude anyone) so we have to limit to hor derves. We are getting several favors for them. Along with donation to our favorite charity in their name. My first wedding my Great - grandmother sent me a beautiful gift and she wasn`t even invited because I didn`t know where she was. It is understood now days that if someone invites you to a party you bring a gift. Even if it`s just over to dinner at a friends house and like realwoman said they are not mind readers. My family just love doing things for each other. That`s what family is about. If I hadn`t told them they would have no idea b/c my parents aren`t even in the loop they are too busy in thier own lives to worry about my wedding details because they aren`t paying for it. Most of them don`t know my friends anyway. I live in a different country than them. To chastise someone and say that`s rude is wrong because it is understood in this country you go to a party you bring a gift if you can`t attend you send your regrets and a gift in your absence. I just made it easier and very personal because they can buy a particular part of our honeymoon and we can thank them for making it special. Not everyone is blessed with a huge budget and yet you do want it to be a day you`ll always remember. Another way is to have a dollar dance, warning ahead of time. It gives everyone one on one time with the bride and groom. I think people should be generous with their time, love and money. It really does come back to you if you are.

Sorry so long.

I think that people usually are generous, but by telling people to give you cash and having (yuck) a tacky dollar dance, you are not being generous with your money, your being generous with theirs. If people don`t know your parents, they will ask someone else they know what you would like (if they want to know that is). It is not up to the hostess to expect a gift (whether customary to bring one or not). It is her responsibility to be thankful for whatever she receives. We too are on a tight budget, however, I would never dream of telling people to give me money. If we get some, great, but if we don`t, that`s OK too. People aren`t stupid, they know money is tight as I am finishing 4 years of university and we live together on his small income. If they feel cash is the most helpful, they will give it, however, some people feel cash is not a good gift and feel awkward giving it. Please, for those of you with some class, don`t write any gift info in your invites, it is rude. And please (unless a part of your culture) don`t have a dollar dance. (Just a note, if the dollar dance is a part of your culture, you won`t need to plan it, your guests will initiate it themselves). We are all here to get some advice while we plan our weddings to the men of our dreams. Lets remember what we are having the weddings for and stop trying to make them into a money making sceme.

AMEN! Sarah

Amada`s Quote, "I think people should be generous with their time, love and money. It really does come back to you if you are."

Well, I had already mentioned this tacky practice and another poster reiterated it, it’s still tacky any way you look at it.

Even when living in a culture where it is expected to bring a gift, it’s still tacky to tell them what to bring. Anyway you look at it, it’s not right.

Now to address this lovely quote- your so-called kindness of giving does not come back to you if you are giving because others are coercing you to or you are giving for any reason other than you want to give from your heart. If you’re giving a gift because you were told to, this is not coming from your heart and you will not be rewarded.

Everyone can justify to himself or herself asking for gifts all day long and it’s till wrong. It’s still tacky and it’s still rude.

RealWoman, Do you take VISA, MASTERCARD, and AMERICACN EXPRESS, too? I`m sure that your guests would appreciate being able to get the mileage....