People That Attend The Reception Only...

I think that is such a racist remark! Please do not generalize. Just because someone is from a certain culture does not mean that we can make fun of them. I am not hispanic, but I find your message to be meaningless and racist.

Well, what do you expect from someone who has poor grammar (it`s not "Me and my boyfriend" it`s "My boyfriend and I") and actually uses `lol` in a sentence like some 17 year old.

Ignorant people say ignorant racist things. Kim`s obviously uneducated and doesn`t realize that what she is saying is inappropriate. I pity stupid people.

It happens in many cultures - Greek, Italian, Hispanic... Some people feel is it only close family that attend the actual ceremony, the rest come for the fun at the reception. Different cultures have different practices - that`s what you get when you live in a multi-cultural society. Get over it.

Our wedding had about 100 people at the ceremony and 70 at the reception. We did have several people attend the reception who hadn`t attended the ceremony. We were happy to have them join us to celebrate--they just did not feel comfortable attending the wedding for religious reasons (we were married in a Catholic church). I respected their beliefs and was more than happy to have them come to the reception and celebrate with us. I think it all depends on the bride, but I don`t think its always necessarily about the "free food."

If you invite people to your event, they have the option to attend the ceremony and the reception or one or the other. Don`t assume that just because they can`t attend the ceremony that they are only going to the reception for the `free food.` Never assume anything, it makes an ass out of you.

Besides that, what if the guests we only invited to one event? It is very common where I am from to recieve an invite for reception only!

Let`s return to Kim`s original topic, hmm?

"Hispanic" references aside, I`ve always felt as Kim does: I wouldn`t attend a wedding reception if I could not attend the actual ceremony. For me, the ceremony is the more important of the two, since it creates the marriage.

Consider this analogously to (Christian) funerals. Despite many variations, there`s usually some sort of service in a church and/or at the grave-side, often followed by a reception. Would you feel comfortable showing up only for the meal, after all obsequies were over?

On now to other issues raised in this thread ...

Lidia --

Poor grammar doesn`t automatically argue stupidity. That`s a gratuitous insult to Kim, whom none of us seemingly know. Stick to the issue she raises!

Furthermore, I`m rather tired of all self-styled "editors" of others` posts who waste the time of yet other readers interested in the topics themselves, not in typos or "mechanics" of writing.

Heather --

You make a good point re cultural differences. I`d like to hear more about this, concerning Kim`s question.

But I take issue w/ your "Get over it." A large part of accepting multi-culturalism is first understanding differences. Like Kim, I don`t know anything about cultures wherein wedding ceremonies are more private than their receptions, but I`d like to understand.

Could you offer a little more information? I`d really appreciate it.

Kip --

In keeping w/ the thoughts expressed immediately above, let me ask: where are you from, & why are "reception only" invitations common there?

Regards to all,
Bon

I am origionally from UT, where a lot of weddings are in the Mormon temple and if you are "not worthy" you cannot attend (religiouls thing). I had never ever attedend a ceramony or even recieved an invitation to one until this last August and it was for a friend of my boyfriend! So it is very very common to just go to the reception and "eat the food". Also, I have been to some not religous weddings where they were on a tight budget and had a small personal ceramony and invited some guests to the reception only, and not the ceremony, so as you see it is normal to me to recieve a reception only invite...

Bonnie,
You, like Kim, should learn a little about multi culturalism before you go and write silly little posts as this. It is not my concern to teach such ignorant people like you about the ways of the world. It amazes me that people like you manage to get around in this world. Shocking.

Heather --

Why the rudeness & hostility? You know nothing at all about me, except for what I wrote. And in what I wrote, I intended no offense to anyone. Sorry if that did not come across clearly ...

Never thought I`d need to "credential myself" on such a thread, but so be it -->

Actually, though I`m not intimately conversant w/ many different cultures, I`m amazingly schooled in at least 7-8 major world religions which I taught at various universities & colleges for 13 years. Throughout those years I opened my classrooms to Zoroastrians, Jehovah`s Witnesses, Mormons, Swedenborgians, Jewish rabbis, Muslim Imams, Hindu priests, Zen & Theravada Buddhists, & a wide range of other guest speakers. In inviting them in, I literally became a student of their experience of & familiarity w/ their own traditions. For, if someone is willing to teach me, I`m always ready to learn.

I`ve also created & performed hundreds of wedding & commitment ceremonies since 1996, ones that often included elements of Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, Christianity, Wiccan, etc. I`ve concelebrated ceremonies with Hindu priests, Roman Catholic clergy, & Jewish rabbis.

In none of the cultures I`ve personally encountered either through travels, through teaching, or through these ceremonies, & in none of the religions or religious denominations I`ve studied, have I encountered "reception only" guests.

Not too surprising, really! After all, though I`ve visited Islamic Egypt & Jewish (& Islamic) Israel years ago, it was as a tourist, not as a wedding guest. Ditto re other countries. While in Italy, Germany, Spain, & still other places, & even when I taught ESL in Slovakia for a month through a college program: not once was I invited to a wedding.

Kip reminded me of something I ought to have remembered about the Mormon Church. Not because I studied the Mormons as extensively as some other religious groups, but because my niece wasn`t invited to attend the ceremomy of a Mormon friend for the very reason Kip offered. But, you see, I`m not close to my niece, & this *did not* occur a number of years ago.

***KIP, many thanks!***

Heather, why do you suggest that others who post on such messsage boards should be aware of culturally- or religiously-specific wedding customs? That`s hardly a realistic expectation.

Heather --

In rereading your post just now, I more carefully noticed your mention of Greece. And I`m recalling so many wonderful episodes of my time there: lovely experiences with people we met in a week in Athens & in visits south. But, again, no one there happened to invite me to a wedding.

Just wanted to add the above to the list of "cultural experiences" I`ve had during my 48 years, while still being ignorant of many marriage customs/traditions.

In the end, what can I say other than: sorry that *ignorance* offends you. To me, it`s a challenge that I`m in fact countering in these replies to you.

Excuse me, I am far from stupid or racist. Gee if I was racist, I would not be in love with a hispanic man now would I? I am sure there are some white boys I can have, if I wanted. That email joke I was referring too, somebody who was HISPANIC from HIS family sent me! So are they racist against their own race? No, they were making a joke. Get it?

Lydia, what is your problem? So I am stupid because I made a grammatical error? So I can correct it, what`s your excuse or are you naturally that b*tchy and rude? I pity the poor man that gets stuck with YOU. Why are you on these boards anyways, your advice and comments are from from helpful.

If a bride and groom invite people to the reception only that is fine. I am talking about people that casually blow off the wedding (and don`t even bring a card) and show up at the reception. Vegas here I come.

As some smarter people on this board obviously saw, this post was not mean to be offensive or racist, and I thank them for their candor. A few people on here need a lesson on it.

K, Where are you gettin married at in Vegas? That is where I live!! If you need any help let me know! My email is kholie17@aol.com

I wish everyone could just get along!!!! =)

Hi thank you for the well wishes. We probably will get married at the luxor they seem to have some nice packages. We both just want a small quaint wedding. It does not need to cost 10k to be special.

I agree, my wedding is only going to cost around 2,500! I got lucky and have a lot of hookups =) ! Luxor is cool, I think you cant go wrong with any of the big hotels- they all seem pretty nice. Any MGM property and Mandalay Bay are nice as well. My email is kholie17@aol.com Feel free to contact me if you need anything =)

I did not see the original posters remarks as racists. She clearly stated she received an email and wanted to know if this is true. Things are true about cultures in a general sense. I am Italian, I know for a fact we do some pretty weird things other cultures don`t. A good friend is Hispanic, sometimes her family gatherings make my head spin. She asked a valid question.

I have attended a reception and not the wedding only once. I had not been invited to the wedding. The couple got married in a 200-year-old church that only held a handful of people (I think 50). But they invited over 200 to the reception. But that was their choice, not the guest`s. I personally would not attend the reception only without first discussing it with the bride/groom, whomever I was invited by. I don`t think it`s rude to only attend the reception, but it`s not my feelings we`re concerned about it in this situation.

Now in reality.... I had no clue whom was sitting in the church when I walked down the aisle... I certainly had tunnel vision for the altar. I didn’t care if no one showed; I was getting married. That’s all that really mattered at the end of the day, wasn`t it?

I think it is important to remember that when hosting a reception, you must be a gracious hostess! Regardless of a person`s race, culture, religion, spelling ability, or reason for attending just the reception, it is the responsibility of a hostess to be gracious and hospitable. If more people handled themselves with some measure of grace, the world would be a much better place! (that rhymes!)

I held my wedding at a historic location that seated only 50, so my invitations were limited. I had a giant reception. I had many guests appear that were not even invited. However, they must have felt that they would be welcomed. I made them welcome because it was the gracious thing to do!

Heather, another woman on there that has nothing else better to do but call us people "stupid". How do I function in my daily life? How to you? I`ll bet you got beat up alot in high school, perhaps that is why you are so bitter? Who lit the fuse on your tampon? What exactly is your problem

I do not care if it is supposedly common in the hispanic culture to not attend the wedding, but to attend the reception. My family is white, and we don`t blow off the wedding, unless it was made specific that the church is too small (which then is ok) but everybody in his family gets married in a large church, plenty of room. His family seems more laid back about things, I have read some strange things on wedding invites (cash, etc) but oh well. One way to combat the problem is to have an out of town wedding-that keeps us from being swamped by 100 kids as well, plus it will save us money by not paying for people who could care less about the wedding, but attend the reception.

I am an American of Mexican decent and was not offended by Kim`s posting. It made me laugh actually (I had already heard that joke). Unfortunately, I have found it to be true. When my husband and I were married there were probably about fifty people there for the ceremony and about 150 for the reception. Be warned...in my family it was like pulling teeth to get family members to send back the response cards for the dinner/reception. We ended up having to call to get the number attending. Then some of them did not even show up! Get the total number of people you are inviting and figure 30% of them will not show up. That was a good guideline for me. Good luck!

People it was a joke....take it for what it is ...relax. I`m sure her intent was not to offend anyone....racist jokes are said all the time....just take it for what it is...its not the end of the world.....and by the way i thought it was funny ....