Monetary Gift On The Invitation

I`m sure this won`t be the last reply to this post. There`s no polite way to ask for money, especially not on your invitation. Invitations should be just that, inviting someone to attend your wedding. It`s considered very rude to even mention gifts on an invitation.

Try scrolling down, you`ll find several other message threads on this subject.

And before anyone clobbers me over the head for my views, please keep in mind that these are MY VIEWS. You`re quite welcome to have your own views, but don`t bother trying to change mine with claims of how changing times makes rudeness acceptable.

KD

Believe it or not, people want to know what you`d like as a gift, it`s easier for them to hear it straight from you rather than having to guess, and most people know that it is customary to give a gift. Normally people do list where they are registered in with their invitations so I think if you worded it by saying, "Please do not feel obligated to give a gift, but if you choose to do so, monetary gifts are appreciated."

The reason why am asking cause we will be going right after the wedding and it would be a easy for us with out all the heavy gifts

Anyway thanks for the feedback

This topic typically starts WWIII - hopefully that battle doesn`t start again..

Although I understand your situation I can`t tell you that it`s ok to ask for money for your wedding. It is not acceptable to ask for gifts in a wedding invitation let alone specif you would like money. If you still chose to do so, then that is your decision.

Etiquette has not changed over the years -- it has never been appropriate to ask for gifts or money for a wedding invitation. My recommendation to you is that you opt to not register anywhere -- your guests are smart, they will get the point. By not registering you are making a statement without having to do anything rude.

There will be people who will come back and say "lighten up, ask for what you want, blah blah blah -- times have changed, it`s ok to ask for cash." but it is not proper etiquette to ask for money (or gifts) in a wedding invitation.

The ultimate decision is yours -- but read back on some of the other posts related to this subject. One bride came on months after her wedding and wrote about how glad she was that she didn`t ask for money -- and that she didnt` register anywhere and received cash gifts without ever requesting cash.

Think long and hard before you make this decision.

Best wishes.

Firstly, let me tell you that I am in full agreement with requesting for a monetary gift. Being from an Italian background, the tradition is to give and receive money as a wedding gift. Secondly, I don`t think it is impolite to ask for money when it is the accepted protocol. People who are not familiar with cultural protocol should be informed by a number of mediums such as word of mouth and/or the wedding invitation. People should not fear any repercussions in asking for what they need. A monetary gift is offered “in lieu of” an item that would have been purchased at a store. In fact, it is less likely to offend a couple especially if the item purchased is not liked by the couple. Where I come from, Showers are held for the “Gifts” and Weddings are for the “Cash”. Agree or not, that is my take on requesting a monetary gift.

Lino, gifts of money are perfectly acceptable and I`m sure appreciated. However that`s not the problem here. The problem is that people are asking how to ask for gift or money in their invitations. The mention of any type of gift, be it money or toasters, is not ever acceptable in the invitations.

If any guest can`t decide what to get and would like suggestions, they`ll certainly ask where the couple is registered. The polite response would be "the bride and groom have chosen not to register, they are just thrilled that you will be celebrating with them". Most guests will then get out their checkbooks. However, If they don`t ask, then the bride and groom have no business dictating.

Linda, I disagree with your point of view. It is my opinion that a couple should do whatever they feel is "necessary" to convey their message. The most appropriate way to convey that message is by "word of mouth" For people who are not familiar with the couple`s wishes, a tactful message could read " In lieu of purchasing a wedding gift, a monetary offering to John and Jane would be greatly appreciated".

Although in some circles it might be considered tasteless to request a monetary gift. People should not have any fears in asking for what they need (monetary or otherwise) as a wedding is not that much different than a political or charity fund raiser. The major difference is that you "actually know" where your money is going, and that`s to the couple who is starting their new life together.

If you actually think your wedding is not that much different than a political or charity fund raiser, then there probably is no point in even holding this discussion any further with you. But it is definitely good to know what your reasoning behind putting gift requests in your invitation is. Now others who are considering do the same might think twice and realize that they don`t want their wedding invitations to look like charity fundraiser invitations.

Linda,

We agree to not agree. You happen to believe that it`s impolite to be forthright with your gift requests and I don`t. Nothing more has to be said.

I would not attend a wedding if a money gift was requested - and no, I don`t care what culture the people are from. I don`t agree with it, so I would not go to the wedding.

You should wait for people to ask you. If they don`t ask then they already know what they want to give you and don`t need you to to decide for them. A gift is a gesture from the heart. How is it even a gift if you write in the invitation to give you money. Put that way it`s just a demand. I always thought the invitation was to proclaim how you would be honored to have your loved ones join you, not a place to ask for presents or money.

We`re getting married in a few months, are both around 30, have most everything we need, etc and are wondering how to handle this issue. The simple fact is, people want to give us something but the only things we need are much more significant than we could ever actually ask anyone for (and registering is basically asking in my opinion).

So...wouldn`t it make more sense to tactfully ask for monetary contributions that together could be used for something far more valuable to our future life? What we really need right now is a downpayment for a house and not a new coffeemaker or set of chrystal wine glasses.

I believe that mention of gifts in any form should stay off the actual invitation but the insertion of a registry card with it has become quite standard and if you are going to provide a "wish list" for everyone (however you do it) anyway, then isn`t a request for money the same thing?

If you have to choose between a useful, practical gift of money that would improve someone`s life and some sort of consumer product that does little other than sit on a countertop I say go with what you need and if the Victorians in the group don`t like it, tell them that their thinking style went out with dowerys and hope chests.

I think registering for extemely expensive gifts, which I have seen done too many times, is just as rude as asking for money.
Usually the request is made in the bridal shower invite but never the wedding invite.
I have seen certain circumstances where the bride and groom put their registry card in the wedding invite but the groom was on 2 week leave from serving in Iraq and they only had about a week to put together a wedding. Wasn`t much time to sort it out.
All of my guest are family and people I have known for over 20 yrs and close enough that I call family so I know nobody would be offended if I requested money, most of them know that is what we want anyhow so we can buy a house. We aren`t even worried about a honeymoon, we aren`t taking one.
If you are going to ask for money even Miss Manners agrees that word of mouth is best.

Word of mouth is only acceptable under two circumstances. First, the word mustn`t come from YOUR mouth. And second, the word should only be given to guests that ask.

And who was it that said hopefully this did not start WWIII? People will do what they want and everybody has an opinion, just like everyone has body parts...butyoudont always have to show it just like it doesnt always need to beheard. The wording from one of the upper replies sounds very polite to me, use it or not is your question. Only you all hte couple can answer it. Otherwise spread it heavily through word of mouth. Mothers are good for this task. GOOD LUCK and hope all turns out well and im sure your invitations will look great no matter what the words and your guest wont care almost everyone is thrilled about a wedding period. End of discussion. Good luck. May your day be blessed.

Money is such a huge debate, I had no idea. Your wedding is your wedding. At wedding, usually, people bring gifts. They are all appreciated. And I for one, would like to know if someone would rather have money, because it is easier. My only concern comes from when people ASK for money. I have a hard time with that one. This is an option: instead of putting in your invites that you need/want money as a gift create a voicemail number your guests can call and put in your invitations. Me and finance both have cell phones, and I hardly ever use mine, and no one has my number. So I am putting my cell number in the invitations, and when people call they a message that gives them lots of info about the theme of the wedding, directions, rain info (our wedding is going to be outside), and where we are registered. This is, in my opinion, a polite and helpful tool for any quest that are interested. I don`t know if this solution is for anyone else, but it is working for me. Good luck

Wow john you really feel entitled! Anyway I don`t think its "Victorian" to give someone a nice present like a coffeemaker. Get over it!

Monetary gifts at weddings has become a very contentious issue. It`s obvious that there are differing views on this topic and this matter should be approached with "caution". It has always been my opinion that a couple`s "gift wishes" should be expressed to those who inquire about gift ideas. Being from an Italian background the custom at the wedding reception is a Monetary Gift or "Boosta" as we like to call it. The best way to convey the message to those inquiring about gift ideas is by utilizing your family, close friends, and parents to "spread the word". I will admit that I had once mentioned that it would be a good idea to request for a monetary gift on the invitation but I now have a change of heart on that point of view. However, as far as I`m concerned the only acceptable gift is cash only because that is the Italian custom. That`s not to say that a couple should be expect people to go overboard with the $$$ but as an offering "in lieu" of what would have been spent at the department store.

I`d rather have a coffeemaker!

Yes I would love a coffeemaker too, the one I want is also a cuppacino maker and espresso maker, price..300.00, do I expect my guest to buy it, yeah if they all pitch in like 1.00 and the whole guest list can buy me one gift! just kidding!
There are little things that i would like to have that I probably wouldn`t buy myself, but aren`t really needed so we aren`t going to worry about them. I will let people give what they choose. If I get duplicates, one will get put back until the one being used breaks, with kids, anything is possible!