Difficult Bridesmaids
I am having a drama with one of my Bridesmaids, except this is with my *supposed* best friend and my maid of honour! She is complaining that the dress doesn`t suit her (it looks lovely) and it`s not her style, and that it is costing too much. Now the dresses have come in, hers doesn`t fit her, and she is also going to have to pay for alterations, and she`s stressing! She hasn`t even paid for any of it yet, my Mother has! She hasn`t made even an attempt to pay anything back, and seems to be ignoring the issue. I have already asked her if she was still interested in being in the bridal party - after she kicked up a fuss while choosing the dresses and she was great after that, until today. Any suggestions or ideas would be really great! - PS - the wedding is in just 5 weeks! HELP!
Posted by Judith; updated 11/05/03
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Hi, Judith --
Treat her to a private lunch for just the 2 of you, mentioning in this invitation that you really need her input as MOH. Easier said than done, I know: But at this lunch, encourage her to vent whatever`s underlying her craziness.
Try to hear it out as neutrally as you can, remembering that "... Sensible people pour oil on troubled waters, not nitroglycerine". At the end of whatever she reveals, you`ll have to decide whether or not you can deal with her issues.
Draw your lines for her continued participation based upon that, & just tell her what`s acceptable & what is not.
This is a highly *generalized* suggestion that won`t quite answer your *unique* situation. But it might be a starting point in addressing your problem ...
Best of luck,
Bon
Posted by Bon; updated 11/05/03
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Thanks for that - that`s actually a really good idea. We can do that on Saturday when we go back out to get the alterations done. I know what her underlying problem is - and that is that I"m getting married before her, and she`s been with her man, and engaged to him longer. I`m not trying to make it a competition, and I don`t want it to be a competition. I just want to get married, and have my best friend of the last 19 years with me when that happens! As we`ve been friends since we were both just 7, I feel that we should be better equipped to deal with these situations better than we are at the moment. It`s a tough call, but i`m going to have to say something along those lines to her and see what the reaction is! Thanks again...
Jude
Posted by Judith; updated 11/06/03
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Hope it helps!
Was just remembering a very intimate, in-home wedding we performed about a year ago. The bride & groom wore ordinary attire, only 8 guests were present (along w/ the cat), & during the ceremony the bride actually left briefly to grab a box of tissues to pass out!
Everyone was supportive & very touched ... Except "Elaine", the groom`s future SIL. Elaine`s wedding was scheduled for the following month, & she was in a snit at being "upstaged" by *this* wedding. Imagine: her 2nd wedding, w/ 250 guests, was compromised by this small gathering followed by dinner at a local restaurant for the 8 guests!
-- Bon
Posted by Bon; updated 11/06/03
