HELP ME
I NEED SOME ADVICE MY FINACEE AN I HAVE BEEN HAVING SOME PROBLEMS LATELY.WELL, ABOUT 4 MONTHS AGO HE CHEATED ON WITH THIS CHIC.THEY HAD BEEN KNOWING EACH EATHER FOR AWHILE IT WAS SUPOOSE TO BE AN SEX THING BUT SHE STARTED TO FALL IN LOVE. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE ONE NIGHT HE WENT OUT AN DIDN`T COME HOME. I CHECK HIS CELL PHONE SHE HAD LEFT HIM A MESSAGE.I CALLED HER SO TOLD ME EVERYTHING.I WAS SO HURT BECAUSE I;M HERE TAKING CARE OF HIS CHILDREN BY SOMEONE ELSE.HOW COULD HE DO ME LIKE THAT.OKAY THEN I FORGAVE HIM IT TOOK AWHILE BUT I DID BECUASE I LOVE HIM.HE PROMISED ME THAT HE WASN`T GOING TO SEE HER OR TALK TO HER AGAIN WELL I SHOW IN HIS CELL PHONE AGAIN HER NUMBER.I TOLD HIM THAT IT WAS OVER HE AAGIN PROMISED THAT THIS WAS IT.WE HAVE BEEN ARGUEING ALOT NOT JUST ABOUT WOMEN BUT ABOUT HIM NOT COMING HOME.NOW LAST NIGHT HE SAYS HIS NOT SURE HE WANTS TO GET MARRIED BECAUSE ALL WE DO IS FUSS.DO YOU THINK THIS IS JUST AN EXCUSE OR WHAT.THEN THIS MORNING AT BREAKFAST HE SAYING HE DOESN`T WANT TOBE WITHOUT ME MAYBE WE COULD SEE AN COUNCELER.WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING ON?I NEED SOME ADVICE I LOVE THIS MAN WITH EVERYTHING.PLEASE CAN YOU HELP ME
Posted by BELINDA; updated 11/05/03
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Tell me what could you possibly love about a man that
A) has no character
B) doesn`t respect you
C) uses you
??
Helllllo?
Time to move on.
Posted by Dana; updated 11/05/03
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What Dana said. You can make excuses for the guy and try to rationalize his behavior all you want, but he will never respect you or be honest with you now that he knows you`re willing to be his doormat. NEVER. He cheated on you, you caught him, he said it wouldn`t happen again, you believed him, he lied about it, you caught him again -- how long are you going to let him treat you like this? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. If you keep taking him back and he keeps cheating on you and lying about it, you have nobody to blame but yourself. People can`t treat you like crap without your permission. Sounds like you`re giving him permission to treat you like crap.
Posted by zitiqueen; updated 11/05/03
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I agree with both of the ladies above. If you need to even be asking such a question - then you know the answer. Of course you shouldn`t be with him, but if you have that little respect for yourself and are that needy on the man, then stay with him. He obviously doesn`t love you - since he cheats and lies and stings you along...I suggest you either get out now, or get used to it - because it will happen over and over again.
Posted by Heather; updated 11/05/03
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He doesn`t love you. He doesn`t respect you. These two reasons should be enough to dump the guy. You say you love him, but you should love yourself more honey. He is always going to cheat on you because you have let him get away with it time and time again. Give yourself an ego boost and dump him. I would go to counselling, you may need it for youself. Find out about what kind of issues (mainly self esteem) that you have because no woman with a good sense of slef worth would ever let a man treat her that way. Move on with your life honey. Good luck to you
Posted by Sarah; updated 11/05/03
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Yes you guys r right i try not to beileve when someone cheats always will. I just look at things different.like maybe he change i have seen some changes since we`ve been together.but it`s like he really wants to be with me an his trying so hard.before we got together he was out there with the women.we have alot in common.we both enjoy being with each other.my kids love him,i just want things to be right.like i told him the only way counceling will work if you make up in your mind that your ready to change.i mean his not an bad guy i`ve been with bad abusive an all.he takes care of home i just love him so much.i kind of scared right now.then it`s so hard because we`re suppose to get married in march.i want to get things right first i think now is the time for me to decide it`s really hard because he`s been there for me when i had noone else help me
Posted by belinda; updated 11/05/03
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Well, he obviously hasn`t been there for you if he`s not coming home and is shacking up in someone else`s bed. I think you need to get your priorities straight - don`t stay with him for the kids...you need someone there for YOU.
Posted by Heather; updated 11/05/03
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I agree with all of these ladies. My advice is to run, and run fast. Don`t turn around and look back. You deserve better; get running honey.
Posted by Kay; updated 11/05/03
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Yeah, you keep saying you love him (reminds me of those Jerry Springer women who rant and rave about how horrible thier boyfriends are but then keep saying "but I loooove him!". Good Grief! Like the other women here have said - what`s to love about this man? Sounds like you just want to be with someone. Forget going to counseling with him and forget being babysitter to his kids while he`s out sleeping with other women. Move out and go to counseling yourself to find out why you love losers.
Posted by Wendy; updated 11/05/03
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You keep making excuses for his behavior, which makes me think you`re perfectly willing to be his doormat. He`s sleeping with somebody else -- that`s a great big red flashing sign that says "I AM NOT READY TO BE MARRIED!" If you insist on forcing him into a marriage he is clearly not mature enough to handle, get ready for more misery. And remember that YOU could have prevented that misery.
You say you have kids? Great. You`re teaching them that it`s okay to treat women like crap. Thanks a lot.
Posted by zitiqueen; updated 11/06/03
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Belinda,
The best think you can do for yourself is to let him go. I know it is hard to give up someone you love but it isn`t healthy for you to stay with your fiance. If he is making excuses then he is not sure of HIS love for you. I think he wants to keep you around because of convienance. My ex-fiance and I use to argue alot also the closer we got to the wedding and one day when I asked him if he even wanted to get married and he replied, "I don`t care if we do or if we don`t." I knew then it was time to go because if a man unsure about marrying you then he really doesn`t want to get married. And when a man feels like he is backed into a corner he will do all kinds of mess. He feels backed into a corner and that is why he is cheating. He is not ready to be committed. I know you love him and it is going to be a hard thing to do but trust me you can do better by yourself. I still love my ex-fiance but I knew I had to let go. Just remember not everything that looks or feels good is good for you.
Good Luck.
Posted by Nadia; updated 11/07/03
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Question...are you not concerned about contracting an STD or STDs? You continuously allow him into your bed, life and heart. You need to be worried about who and what he is sleeping with. Since he already has children, condoms are clearly aren`t a top priority in his life...Is YOUR life a priority to you?
Posted by Denise; updated 11/07/03
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Umm duh lEAVE HIM HE CHEATED MORE THEN ONCE,AND HE CALLED FORGETTABOUTIT ITS A LOST CAUSE,.
REMEBER UR A CHIX WHN HE GETS LAIDE ONCE U GET LAIDE 10 TIMES,HE IS NO GOOD, BE TRUE TO YOURSELF THATS HAT COUNTS.DONT TAKE HIS WORD
Posted by me; updated 11/19/03
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I have been there before and I took him back because I thought he changed and that he would never cheat again.....Then cheating wasn`t the problem I couldn`t trust him any more. That is what you need to realize... You will never be able to trust him ever again. It will always be there in the back of your mind. I know how hard it is to end things. But You really need to. What is a relationship without trust?
Think about it.
Posted by MKS; updated 11/20/03
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I agree 100% MKS..
Posted by Me; updated 11/20/03
