Lesbian Bridesmaid

My uncle, who is gay, is walking me down the aisle. I dont think it should matter if she is gay or not. Most people believe that god accepts all people no matter what, right? So why wouldnt he accept your sister? That is the way she is. I think that if you fully accept her and her willingness to be so open about her sexuality, then you will fight for her to be at your wedding. It just doesnt seem that your family completely accepts her, otherwise this really wouldnt be an issue! But my best advise is to keep all peoples feeling in mind when you make your decision, including your sister! Good Luck!

Ya both my sister and her girlfriend are wearing dresses and the church is very special to me and my honey I think my problem is making him feel comfortable with having my sister stand beside us as we go before God, because she is in the party no matter what...he just thinks that God wont take us seriously if we have something that he clearly is against according to the bible...as for me I`ve never seen my sister more happy and she was married for 7 years so I am very glad that she can finally be herself...I guess it comes down to the whole thing about God loves everyone no matter what...but I just don`t want him feeling weird during our ceremony...hhmmm

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

Man wrote the bible and interpreted their thoughts on what God wanted. If your fiancee is ashamed of your sister (which I must assume he is to not want her involved in the wedding) then he is interpreting God`s word wrong. We are taught that God loves us all, yet why must some insist that He doesn`t. God won`t care if you have your sister, or your brother or your dog stand beside you. He is not watching the bridesmaids, He is watching the Bride and Groom. If you go to the alter with a true and pure intent to love and cherish each other til death do you part, that is all He cares about. If your fiancee can not see this, then he needs a little more soul searching into what God stands for. He stands for LOVE. That is the only intent and purpose for everyone`s presence that day. As for the table, if you or he feels uncomfortable, sit all the significant others at a separate table or sit your sisters partner with your parents.

You and your fiance will be taking vows before God. Your sister will not be. So I don`t see how he could find anything wrong with your sister standing beside you at your wedding. She`s there because she`s part of your family and her sexual orientation has nothing to do with your vows.

Vicki --

Hate to be the one to point this out, Hon, but you & your fiance have some serious differences to work out before any wedding takes place.

You & he view same-sex relationships differently. Also, your approaches to your religion differ. Then there`s the fact that he`s prioritizing his own beliefs & "needs" above yours.

Let me quote you something from a "Welcome to Guests" that my husband & I often use in *non*-customized ceremonies we perform -->

"The decision to get married marks a point at which the couple decides not just to participate in activities, but also to engage with each other more deeply. The physical and emotional well-being of oneÕs partner becomes as important as oneÕs own. The thoughts and opinions of a spouse are not only respected, but also actively sought out...."

You guys need to work through these differences ASAP. Your sister & her partner will be part of your married life, which presumably also will include the God in whom you both believe. In keeping with your fiance`s beliefs, won`t this God also refuse to be a part of your ongoing marriage unless you renounce your sister?

Just give some serious thought to how to handle your differences in ways acceptable *to you both*. Marriage requires compromises.

Hoping you both can deal with this with sensitivity on both sides --

Bon
Logosophias@netscape.net

You are all very helpful in my discussions with my fiance...he loves my sister very much, it is just hard for him because he is a devoted Christian...and he believes that same sex relationships are defying God...which who cares, to each their own....I think we will be just fine because he will someday finally realize that he is not God therefore he should not judge..... Thankyou for all your comments.....V-

Oh boy where to start. I am Catholic born and raised for 29 years- tell your future husband that we are to love one another unconditionally and also remind him about the Marry Magdaline story in the bible. This is your sister, your flesh and blood. Treat others as you would want to be treated. I am getting married and one of our bridesmaids is gay and her girlfriend will be there too. It is not what I choose or believe in but she is a wonderful human that respects all people/

Anyone you include in your wedding ceremony automatically means that you condone his or her lifestyle. And God sees "the act of homosexuality" as an abomination, so having her (and her same-sex lover) presenting you and your new husband to God is at best showing God you do not respect his Word, and you are getting married in his Word, for marriage is God`s gift for only husband(man) and wife(women). This is the truth coming from the Word of God and supported by 52 of our 55 Founding Fathers who were unashamedly Christian leaders. No religion required.

Blah, Blah, blah.... Let`s get to the point here.
Your fiance is obviously very judgemental. In a marraige, you do not only marry one person - but their entire family. He does not have to agree with your sister`s choices, but must deal with them. If he is not respecting your sister - he is NOT respecting YOU, and that is the first area where I see trouble in the future for the two of you. If he was a true, devoted Christian, he would not be judgemental, hurtful and arrogant - and would realize that this union and promise to God is to love and respect one another always. I think he has issues that are deeper than this situation and is using this as a scapegoat. You need to really consider what is most important to you - because this WILL come up again in the future (kids/baptism/christmas/easter)..... How will he approach it then?

Thankyou very much for your input. We have discussed it and he is realizing that this is my sister and no matter what she will always be there and will always be invited to things and this he does accept. I know that we could run into situations later but that is something that I am will to deal with when the time comes. Thankyou

V-

I have to ask this? Does your fiance look at her as your sister or as strictly a lesbian. I don`t know your friends or family at all, but if he wanted everyone out of the wedding party that is sinning, I bet you guys may be walking down alone. Tell your fiance to drop the ego down a notch or two and I would seriously take another look at him. I have noticed that sometimes the more "Christian" people are, the more they forget what life is all about. I do believe that the bible is against homosexual relationships, I am not saying I believe in it, but God is the only one to judge and I am sorry to say, your fiance is not God. I wouldn`t even discuss this with him further. Just let him know that she will be in it and that you hope he can get over his issues, if not, I would seriously rethink things.

Best of luck,
Jennifer

It might be wise to remind him that based on the bible, Jesus embraced the unembraceable- he loved all people, and I think gay and lesbians suffer the same fate in today`s society as the `untouchables` in the bible. A marriage is a sacred event, that should be blessed and supported by your family. A marriage is just that-a joining of families, no matter what their make up. The intolerance I see people exercise `in the name of god` is appalling. Especially when the argument was based on a time when the mortality rate of children necessitated more procreation. Surely I think Jesus would be happier to see people love and honor each other, and were nice to each other, rather than show hatred and inability to be tolerant loving Christians even if not everyone practices the same beliefs.

I think it`s time to remember h2b that God loves everyone no matter what they are. It`s 2003 for goodness sakes people shouldn`t have that kind of attitude. Don`t mean to sound cheeky but I think it`s a bit homophobic.

We are told God wants us to love each other for what and who we are not something other people want us to be.

I think it would be very hurtful to your sister if you decided not to have her because of this reason. If you both love her you`ll respect her and the person she choses to be.

I am getting married in January and have a gay person in my wedding party and I never thought twice about it.

Think of how you would feel if you were in your sisters shoes. If everyone accepts her and her partner for who they are and love them then it shouldn`t matter.

This is only the beginning. So he doesn’t want her in your church... What`s next, no holidays? What about when you have children? Can she and her partner be around them? Is this how you want to live your life? You absolutely have to make a decision now, will you side with your groom or your sister? I can see right now where this problem is heading in your future.

I am a lesbian. I got married in a Lutheran Church by a Catholic Priest AND a Methodist Minister. Gay people can be Christians and can go inside a church without is falling straight to the ground.

I lost some family members when I came out. I didn’t lose others. But I do expect those who accept me to accept my life partner. If they don’t, they are not truly accepting me, now are they? Put it in simple terms, if your mother said, “Your fiancé is not welcome to our Christmas Dinner, “ how would you feel? This is exactly, under no uncertain terms, how you are treating your sister. And it’s OK. I’m not faulting you for this. I’m only saying be prepared for this for the rest of your life and be prepared to defend your and your husband’s views in this matter. If you support him in this, his views are your views. You cannot ride the fence. Pick an attitude and don’t be wishy-washy about it. That’s all I’m saying.