Wedding Reception - Kids Included Or Not

Hi There :)

We are in the midst of planning our wedding and are trying to figure out how to break the news to my cousin and my fiance`s sister that we would like to have an adults only reception. The guest list for the event is very small (only about 40 people) and for a reception we are just having a nice, elegant, candlelit 7 course meal at a very fancy hotel. The sister and cousin`s babies will be about 15 months at the time of the wedding. We would really like this to be a classy, relaxing event for all involved. We both love our nephew and my second cousin; but we also know how unpredictable toddlers can be .......and what a handful they are. We have offered to pay for a babysitter for the children during the ceremony and the dinner - a hotel staff member who would babysit in the parent`s hotel room (most guests are from out of town and are staying for the night at the hotel as well) - but this is apparently unacceptable to the sister (doesn`t want to leave the child with someone she doesn`t know)....... I don`t know what to do!!! I would love to just give in and say to just bring them along, but at the same time I how distracting it would be --- The dinner only starts at 7:00 - which is usually the child`s bedtime ..... So what happens when the baby gets tired and cranky??? Do the parent`s have to leave as well??? My fiance`s mother has offered to stay with the baby in the hotel room (she lives far away and doesn`t see him often) - but that would mean her missing almost all of our wedding dinner!! Any advice would be appreciated!!! I don`t want to offend or hurt anybody - but I just think that the type of wedding/reception we are having is appropriate for toddlers..........

Thanks, Mae :)

........I meant inappropriate ......... Mae :)

Denise,

I somewhat in the same boat as you. I have two flowergirls that will be in my wedding, yet I would prefer that other children not attend either the ceremony or reception. When we sent out invitations, we did not include childrens names on the inner envelope hoping people would understand. Well, apparently some of my guests didn`t as many have RSVP`ed that their children will be attending.

Personally, I feel that the decision to include or to not include children at a wedding and reception should be made by the bride, groom, and those hosting (specifically who is paying the bill). Some brides and grooms feel it`s a family event and thus children should attend. On the other hand there are brides and grooms who feel it should be an Adult Affair only. I don`t think either way is right or wrong, it`s simply a difference of opinion in regards to how the B&G want their event to go.

You need to decide if you want your cousin there or not. If it`s really important that she` s there, it sounds as though the kids come with. If you really feel strongly about the children situation you can nicely tell her you`re sorry she won`t be attending and that you`d really enjoy having her there at your Big Day. You could also offer to help find a babysitter for the children if this would help her.

I certainly sympathize with you right now because it is such a hard decision. You don`t want to offend anyone, but at the same time people are being a bit presumptous with regards to their children (I`m referring to my family being presumptous not yours).

So far only three uninvited children will be attending my wedding and I`ve decided to simply let it go. I determined that I would cause more damage by saying something about their children coming than it`s worth in the end. 99% of my guests understood by the people listed on the innver envelope who was invited and who was not, so I am not going to say anything.

Good luck to you and best wishes!

Why wouldn`t you want kids at the wedding ........its supposed to be a family affair - right!?

Jenn, perhaps you didn`t read what these ladies said. It`s a personal choice for the B&G as to if they want children at the wedding or not. Depending on the type of wedding you have and the behavior of the children in your family it`s a tough decision to make.

Many couples opt to not have children at their weddings because of the potential disruption, cost, and accidents that DO happen at happen at weddings where children are involved. One wedding planner posted something on a thread telling stories about `incidents` that children caused.

I`m in the same boat too!!! Getting pressure from the family to have the toddlers attend - they are making me out to be selfish by not allowing them to come b/c it would be tough for the out of town couple - as they do not want a stranger babysitting as well!! AAHHH - so frustrating!!! Still don`t know what to do !!

Amy

I decided not to include the young toddlers of the family....... All were welcome at the church but I knew the reception would be tooooo long for the little ones. My sister and brother had friends come pick up their tots. My cousins who traveled with 3 youngens under 5 had another relatives older child come to watch the little ones while at the reception. Everyone had a great night out and didn`t have to worry........

I think it is a personal choice whether you have kids or not. I am going abroad to be married but my sister is staying at home to be married in June and although she has 2 kids and a niece and a nephew no other children are invited due to the fact she wants people to have a great time not spend all night running after the kids and she also doesn`t want kids running all over the place by parents who are too busy having a good time to remind the kids to behave.

Don`t feel pressured by people threatening not to come if their kids don`t - if you are important enough to them, they will respect your wishes and find a babysitter. The wedding is for you two no one else, don`t do anything you will look back on and regret.