Rude Bridesmaid

Explain to her that due to a lack of Communication between you & others you thought they would be unable to be in the ceremony but you misunderstood. Since you had issued offers to them First & that position is Limited Thank You but your Services aren`t needed.
Tami

I understand you are upset about her questions, yet from what you have described, I can`t exactly understand why. If she is committed to being at her sisters wedding (which sounds like the date was announced first), then her asking would be important. She will want to be at both weddings. As for the park, a wedding in a park is no less classy than a wedding at a hall, I`m sure she didn`t mean to hurt your feelings by that. And as for asking questions about who is paying, perhaps she was just curious. I have two friends who are also planning weddings and we talk about who is paying for what, I don`t think that she meant to offend you with that question either. Perhaps there was more to upset you, I would suggest asking her about her questions. Confront her and tell her you were a little offended by them. She is to be your sister-in-law for the rest of yours (and her) married life. By kicking her out of your wedding after you invited her to be a part of it, you may cause a family disturbance. Don`t forget, her husband and your soon to be will always be brothers, and you don`t want to cause a rift between them either. Just ask yourself, is it worth it? I don`t think that she meant to offend you or put you off by her questions, she probably was doing what she thought any bridesmaid would do, ask questions about the wedding. Try to take some time to cool down and really look at the reasons why you are mad. Put youself in her position and really ask youself if she intended to hurt you. I am betting the answer would be no. Anyways, good luck to you and I hope you find peace with whatever you decide.

Sarah, before i posted my message re: rude bridesmaid, i had the same thoughts but there are certian things i can not ignore....

She knows my parents do not like my fiance. She knew there was a possiblity my parents would not have anything to do with the wedding and knows it is a sensitive subject with me. She is not a close, personal friend i have heart to heart talks to. I see and talk to her once or twice a year. Why should she ask me such a question knowing all this?

Weddings anywhere are beautiful but she knows my fiance does not have a lot of money and she was surprised when i said it was going to be in a nice hall and responded by saying "oh. I want to know what to expect."

Who wants to start a family relationship with hard feelings is right. I think she should have thought of that herself. It hurts me to have to tell her no because i dislike going back on my word. If she where a good person she would understand if i said i had promised the position to someone else. I hope she backs out graciously, wishing me good luck and hope if she has something bad to say about me that she chooses to say nothing at all.
Thank you sarah!

Nicol, why does her response "oh, I want to know what to expect" bother you? Shouldn`t bridesmaids ask what to expect? I think you may be making a mountain out of a molehill, perhaps reading too much into things. I think uninviting her to be your bridesmaid is a lot ruder than anything she has done (according to what you`ve told us). And as Sarah says, you will probably create much bigger issues within the family by doing this.

Nicol, I`d recommend you pick your battles carefully. In the entire process of planning a wedding I`ve found that there are many many many battles to be fought (at least in my family there seemed to have been). I agree with these ladies that perhaps the issue has been blown a bit out of proportion. It`s easy to happy though and no one faults anyone for being sensitive on certain issues. It`s so easy to read into things when it comes to family dynamics. I`d recommend that you not uninvite her to be your BM`s. I`d simply let the communication problem go and give her the details of the wedding as you feel fit.

If you were to univite her, it may cause many more problems in the future that could be avoided. It`s ultimately your decision though. Please be sure to think the whole thing through before making what could be a rash decision.

Thank you all for your responses. I thought it over last night and came to the conclusion that whatever her intentions were - good or bad - that i am keeping her in the party.

If she says something in the future that bothers me, i will nicely ask her what she means by it and clear the air right there and then. Also, i do not want the brother or her or future family members hold a grudge against me and start things off at a bad foot.

You all have valid ideas, and agree and thank you all very much for your advice. Good luck - best wishes to everyone!