Should I Get Married Or Not? So Confused :-(

I married a man and put myself in a very similar situation, that was ten years ago. We have been divorced for seven... Need I say more?? All kidding aside, I must ask, do you work? Do you have friends? Do you have hobbies? If you are your own person, self-centered people will be less likely to force their opinions you. Believe me, I had to do alot of soul searching to find myself after my husband mentally abused me (that`s what people like your fiance do, they mentally abuse- rather than hit you they act as if your ideas do not mean anything and that they are always right making you do things like constantly appologize for things you don`t want to) I would suggest you either start making a life for yourself outside of your relationship, so that you can channel your energy into a healthy lifestyle or get you two some serious counseling before you walk down that isle. If you change your mind about the wedding, don`t worry, you`ll feel better to have lost some of the money that would have been spent, then all of it. (I would love to pay my parents back the 30,000 dollars they spent on my wedding!) My mother has always told me, "Life is what happens, while you`re busy making plans." Don`t be so wrapped up in planning a wedding that you`ll regret for the rest of your life, take a look a the big picture while you can still save yourself. I`m sure that whatever you decide to do, everything will be just fine!

I went out with a similar type for 5 yrs (engaged 1) and we ended up apart, both marrying others. I have been married for 5 years....he has been divorced about 4 or so.He was a total MaMa`s boy and God forbid if I ever said anything about it or her! All I have to say is I am so glad I got out when I did. Believe me I loved him deeply and at first could not imagine life without him....but as time went on I did start to resent him. When we first broke up I really thought we would go back together again, but we grew further apart and as we weren`t together I could see more clearly how unfairly he had treated me. My advice to you is perhaps before things get out of control, or you start planning a wedding you should go and talk to someone together. A minister or a counselor that is experienced in couples counseling. Good luck......

My view on this is if you are not sure about it,you pretty much have your answer in front of you. I wouldn`t marry him unless I was sure wholeheartedly. About his being an only child and being spoiled and self-centered. I am an only child and neither of those things. Please realize that just because some people are only children doesn`t mean that they are spoiled.Alot of people have that misconception of only children. He may act like that but it might not be because of being an only child.I know people that have 4 or 5 siblings and are just like the way you described your fiance`. Good Luck

I totally agree. You can only get advice from everyone on here, but you heart will tell you what to do and what feels right. MY advice is to find someone who will make decisions WITH you not FOR you or on BEHALF of you. And he shouldn`t make you feel this way. Follow your heart sweetie!

Hope I`ve helped! MUAH!

Am I a fool for loving him or even marrying him?

I only had to read about four sentences of your post. My opinion is that you should RUN RUN RUN. I dated an only son to a single mother. Since she was a whore who didn`t know who his real father was, she decided to spoil him rotten and ruin him completely for other women. Last I heard, he`s on his 3rd or 4th marriage. He`s also being sued by numerous local businesses for non-payment of bills because thanks to his Mommaslut, he thinks the world owes him a living.

Well in my case my fiancee is very responsible. Doesn`t owe anyone any money. His mother knows who his father is. Never been married and has no children other then the one we have together. This is a response for an earlier reply. I didn`t say he was spoiled because he was an only child. I`m sorry if I confused you. I was just mentioning that he is an only child and his mother spoiled him. He is very responsible, he is a good father to our child and my son I had before him. He has a masters degree in economics, he holds down a very good career. He is a a good guy besides being self-centered. He`s very attentive to me and our children. I don`t want anyone to think that he is a rotten guy. I just wish that he would see that he is not perfect and that it is ok not to be perfect. I think his mother has him soooo screwed up in the head. He doesn`t like for me to talk about our relationship to anyone because he doesn`t want anyone to think he is not perfect. I always tell him maybe he needs to speak to his friends about us. I don`t know ladies. I`m just so confused because I love him dearly and I know he feels the same about me, not only does he tell me all day but he does show it a lot. My mother tells me to think long term. Is it something that will be a problem 5 yeras from now or is it something I think I can handle. Everyone else tells me that his mother is our biggest problem. The lady is a nut!! She showed up at the restaurant that we were having dinner at for Valentines Day. She showed up at our house on New Years Eve to spend the night with an over night bag, without even asking. I really think she is jealous of me. I had a big Thanksgiving dinner last year, someone overheard her telling one of my guest that she cooked the food, when she didn`t cook anything. She tries to go behind my back to get him to do things that she wants him to do after I told her otherwise. Boy this seems like a real mess. BTW - she is selling her house to move in the same complex we just brought a house in less then 1 year ago. Sometimes I think he is really happy that I came into his life because I`m the only person that he knows that has the balls to tell her to back off.

What`s the rush to marriage? It sounds like you have a lot of issues to work out before saying "I do". Leverage your power as his fiance to insist on marriage counseling. I would insist on that and a 1 year trial period to make up your mind. I would not toss this relationship out without making every effort for it to work, but I can tell from the frustration in your post that this his behavior is making you miserable. Marriage will only make it worse. Did you notice that the first half of your post was complaints, and then wrote what you liked about him? It`s time to take a firm stand. Do not back down. Your happiness (and the family`s stability) depends on it.

Good luck!

Okay here goes, you seem to discuss 3 things a lot. First you hate his mother, it`s difficult to marry someone and truely be happy if you can`t atleast tolerate his family. Second, his success and decent money. A question for you....should you stay sacrifice your own dignity and ability to be heard and express yourself in order to make sure you have someone to take care of the house and things. Not trying to be harsh at all but to exxagerate slightly...a pimp takes care of his girls but that doesn`t mean that she should marry him. Three, his ego. For a marriage to truly be a fair partnership each has to be willing to admit when they`re wrong sometimes. To respect the opinion and desires of the other. It doesn`t seem to be that. You said he kind of like when you stand up to his mom...but he doesn`t think you should be the same strong person when it comes to him? I realize that things are complicated with the child involved but if you`re not truely happy and just gets worse kids can pick up on these things. What if you have a daughter some day. What would you think if she was with a guy exactly like yours? Would you want better for her? Also, again to use an exaggeration......you love him yesand things are good a lot of the time, but women who are beat by their husband love their husbands too and have good times with them. Like a said a harsh example maybe but just think. Just think about it...a marriage is forever. Whatever decision you make respect yourself and make others respect you too (including your man) Luck.

Christine.

What I was doing is pointing out the positive about him. He is not a pimp nor am I a whore. I also am very responsible financially and everthing else. I`m trying to weigh the positive and the negative. If you must know I have my masters degree in accounting so I was not referring to his finances because of a reason to stay I was pointing out that he did have some decent qualities! I don`t need anyone to take care of me or my children. This is not about momey, I do care for the man despite his faults. I did not come to be criticized I came for advice and you seem to have been the only one that had to throw an insult in order to get your point across; and even if I didn`t have my shit in order why do I have to be a whore or he a pimp in order for him to take care of me. We do have a child together and a house so maybe we agreed for me to stay home and take care of that. Before you throw salt on a would get all the details 1st!. Ladies before Christine, thank you very much for your advice and you have helped me quite a deal but like one of the posts said I have to make the decision on my own but believe me you have made my decesion a lot easier. It`s nice to know that you are not alone when dealing with certain issues. Thank you again and GOD Bless. Enjoy your weddings. I called the wedding off and have moved at as of Tuesday, October 21st.

Confused....I`m soo sorry if you took that to be an insult. I was just using the pimp thing as an exaggerated analogy I wasn`t at all trying to imply that you were a ho or he a pimp. And I believe that you can take care ofyourself. I was doing one of thethings that helps me make a decision....using an exaggerated version of the situation. I`m sorry if I offended you I really wasn`t trying to.

If you are questioning whether or not you should marry this man -- you probably take a LOT of time to think things over before you walk down that aisle. I can`t tell you what you should do because there is probably much much much more to this story than what you can type -- but I do feel comfortable telling you to think long and hard about your decision. You may have the dress, DJ, etc....and you may have a house with this man but these things can be reversed IF you want them to. The house can be sold and the profits divided..the dress can be sold, the DJ can be cancelled.

Go with your gut feeling.

No matter what anyone replies to your question with you go on the defensive. You asked, so take it and shut up. If things were so great you wouldn`t be on here asking these questions. If HE`S so great marry him . Looks as if one thing HE has to put up with for the rest of his life is an insecure whining moron. So have your cake and eat it to. Marry him then like everyone else, deal with it. If things are good so be it, if they are not then either live in it or get out.

"He is a a good guy besides being self-centered. "

To me that says it all.

I agree with you, Sarah. That statement does happen to be quite the oxymoron. Based on that statement alone, I would not marry such a person.