Lots Of Questions, SO`s Kids, Etc..
Hi everyone. I would like to hear from anyone in the same boat. Me and my boyfriend are talking about getting 1st part of next year. I have no kids, he has 3 ages 10-15 which believe me, it has been a real challenge. For anyone who does not have kids who has to deal with someone else`s it is not easy. Ex has custody but he gets frequent visitation that is going to change soon he is filing for join to reduce child support.
I went to my younger sisters wedding yesterday which was GORGEOUS. It was adults only, neither has kids so it was a terrific intimate affair with no kids everywhere. I was impressed and a little envious they do not have the challenges we have.
My finacee has a HUGE family, hispanic, so there are tons of kids everywhere and the weddings get quite large with all the people.
We have been talking about getting married and my friend has generously offered her gorgeous million dollar home which has a lovely backyeard, gazebo, fountain, PA system, and we might take her up on it.
My issue is, I want to eliminate many of the kids, except for my boyfriends of course. I want it to be an intimate affair and we are on a tight budget since financially we are trying to pay off alot of debt. My sisters wedding was no kids and almost all 200 guests showed up childless and it went off w/o a hitch.
Also his 2 daughters hang on him constantly. Who gets to sit next to dad, hold his hand, hang around us all night. This is my wedding day and not to sound stuck up but it should be all about me. I do not want his kids hanging around is all night I want it to be just me and him and the kids are going to have to find something to do and find some cousins to hang around with.
Also since his family is enormous, I was thinking of making it 13 and older only, that would eliminate about 25 people that will just bring costs up, plus I do not want little kids everywhere since there will be an ungated pool in the backyard. I want this date to be about me and him, this should be the day where I am priority over his kids, and he agrees. How do I politely get the kids to stay busy fo the rest of the night and to let them know that the girls haning all over him after the ceremony will not fly with me.
Can anybody relate at all?
Posted by Kris; updated 10/19/03
Reply
Geez, you sound like the stepmother from hell. What, did you step right out of cinderella? Your fiancees children were in his life long before you and will be until the day he dies. You will never find happiness in your marriage with the attitude you have towards his children. Yes, you have the right to want to limit the amount of children at the wedding, but have you talked to your fiancee about what he wants? maybe he`ll want his family there. And your attitude towards your future stepdaughters is atrocious! they are not an inconvienience or a nuicance, as you make them sound out to be. They are his daughters and deserve a little more respect than what you are giving them. You should be ashamed of yourself. Grow up and provide a good example for these children so that they can grow to be responsible loving adults. That is part of what you are marrying into. When you choose to marry someone with children, you are not just creating a marriage, but you are creating a family. If you can`t realize that then you might want to rethink your marriage. I`m also sure that if your fiancee were to read the message you just typed that he would rethink it himself.
Posted by Sarah; updated 10/19/03
Reply
Saah, um thanks but no thanks for your response. Go back and read my title again. Do you have any experience coming from where I am? Are you childless and dating a man with kids? I bet not. Let me guess, you probably have kids therefore have no idea what it is like to be a stepmother and not a mom yourself. Right?
Read my title again, this is MY wedding day and if I think there should be a limit on kids and my fiancee is in agreement due to finances I think that would be ok. When you got married did you have kids bugging you and your husband? Again I bet not. Of course I like his kids but I want my wedding day to be special on this one time occasion. My boyfriend knows this situation is frustrating for me, he far refrained from any women with kids before he became a dad himself. He knows I do not dislike the kids but that the situation is frustrating to me, and I am trying by best to be tolerant but I never ever take any frustrations out on the kids.
I thought this board would be of more help, I guess not.
Posted by Kris; updated 10/19/03
Reply
First of all, I think the above poster was rude. I am sure you did not come here looking for a bashing.
I do not think excluding young kids is rude, I am getting married for the second time and we are excluding kids except for his because they are in the wedding . If your fiancee is ok with establishing an age minimum then do it, but whatever you do make sure he is in agreement by it and be prepared for some people not to show because of it. If people are that sensitive about their kids not being invited then they do not have to come.
As far as being a stepmother, I know it`s difficult but you have got to bite the bullett and realize any animocity you have on his kids may effect the marriage. You are lucky to have an understanding guy, we hardly see my fiancee`s kids because they are out of state so most of the time they are not involved, so I cannot really comment
Good luck though anyways,
Kim
Posted by Kim; updated 10/19/03
Reply
First of all, i read your original posting twice. If you were to read mine, i stated that it IS your decision and your fiancee about inviting other children, i am not in disagreement about that. My words were directed towards the animosity you exhibit towards these children. "i don`t want them hanging on them all night"?! I was suggesting finding some love in your heart for them. You may not be their mother, but you are to be a mother figure and as such you have a responsibility to treat his children with respect. You can choose to heed my advice or not, that is your perogative. Oh, and by the way, no I do not have children. My fiancee does and I love his children dearly.
Posted by Sarah; updated 10/19/03
