Wedding Change... Is It Rude?

Holly,

I remember this post from a while back. I remember some of the rude comments you got. Lots of people are quick to jump on brides for being selfish. I`m sorry your parents are being so immature. You should do what you feel will keep you the most sane. It`s really too bad that they can`t put aside their own needs for one day for their daughter. You need to weigh what`s important to you. If you think you will miss your Dad walking you down the aisle more than the pain it is to plan it in CT, the headache might be worth it. I don`t understand your mom and her dogs, though. What does your fiance think? Stand your ground, it`s one day for them to be "put out." If they can`t see that, well, the regrets will be theirs. Your parents are being very selfish. I understood their side when they wouldn`t let you have the wedding at their house (except for the dogs part), but I don`t understand why you`re not even allowed to stay there. Do you drop-kick the dogs for fun? Torture them in any way? Refuse to let them back in the house in a sub-zero blizzard? Probably not. If they can`t drive 9 hours to see their only daughter (do I recall that correctly?) get married, and you are semi-okay with that, then have your wedding in VA, where you can plan less-stressfully and with more attention to detail, and where you have a comfy place to sleep every night! You might be surprised at how many family members make the drive for you.

I agree with Amy wholeheartedly, I would just like to add....is there any reasoon perhaps your parents are not able to travel. If so offer to pay for transportation for them.....after that you have no reason to feel guilty. Not many Mothers would let a mere 9 hour drive keep them from their daughters wedding! Good Luck.

I agree with Amy it is your wedding and it does sound like your mom is being immature. You should be able to invite, or not invite who you want. Offer to help with expenses on yourparents if they need it, otherwise you did your part.

Good luck.

Holly,
Are the girl that had the question a couple of months ago about the mother not letting the daughter have a wedding in her backyard because of her dogs being inconvieneced(I know the spelling is way off,sorry)and the mother wouldn`t board the dogs either? If so, I feel so badly for you,first that now this. If your not,I agree with Amy`s opinion. Good Luck

This is YOUR day sweetheart! So, you may have inconvenienced a few people who may have asked for time off, but you are still giving them plenty of months notice to undo what plans they have made. I could see where there may be a problem if some people bought plane tickets that are non refundable (if you invited anyone from far away). I am sorry you have to make these heartbreaking decisions, but again, this is YOUR DAY!!! Do it right and do what is convenient for you! My dad has been a jerk, and he will get an invitation... But I am not including him or my step mom in the planning. Wait till they find out I am having a Halloween wedding :)

Good luck and keep smiling!

Hi Holly, I certainly feel for you in this tough circumstance. I have dogs myself and certainly wouldn`t ever not allow someone to stay with me because of them, unless of course that person had tried to hurt them in some way but you don`t sound like a dog hater to me at all. Is there some reason why your mother doesn`t want you to stay there because of the dogs - are they vicious dogs or something?

Basically, the decision as to when and where you have your wedding is yours and yours alone. Of course you do need to take reasonable consideration to close friends and family memebers that you would like to attend.

Are most of your guests in your hometown or where your mother lives. It may not be reasonable to ask everyone to travel 9 hours away - if you are planning to have 100 people then you are looking at having 100 people having to travel rather than just you and your fiance - unless of course there is a site that you wish to be married at that holds a very special meaning to you and your fiance but that doesn`t seem to be the case.

How important is it to you that your parents be there - especially your dad walking you down the aisle? Perhaps your parents can`t afford the travelling costs - maybe you could offer to pay for part of those costs or try and help out with whatever objection they have to travelling 9 hours away.

It is your wedding but at the same time make sure within yourself you are not changing your plans to spite your mother and make her look bad - in the long run its you yourself who will pay. The best revenge is being as sweet to her as you can. That doesn`t mean being a door mat or letting her take over the wedding with plans that you don`t want but doing whatever you can to make it easier on both yourself and your mom.

As far as not inviting your Aunt - does your mother have good reason for not wanting this Aunt to be invited, or is it just because of some silly petty little thing. If it is silly and petty by all means invite your Aunt if you wish to - if your mother refuses to attend thats her problem and not yours. How close are you to this Aunt? If its someone you haven`t seen in 10 years or more would it be that big a deal not inviting her just to keep the peace. If you are close to this Aunt I can certainly understand why you would want her there.

At my first wedding my mom told me upfront that if my father was invited she wasn`t going (my mom and dad are divorced) I simply told my mom that was very unfortunate, as I really wanted her there and not to miss this special day but that my dad was still my dad and I wanted him to walk me down the aisle. She ended up coming to the wedding of course.

Whatever you decide is ultimately your decision - its your wedding and you need to do what is best for you - best of luck to you.