Children At Weddings

I find it interesting that parents of obnoxious children think that everyone should love them just because they are kids. Look - throwing cake is cute for the mommy, but it is embarassing for the bride. You mommies had your day - let the bride have hers. Leave the kids along unless they are specifically invited.

I think that there is nothing you have to say about who the groom invites. It is your daughter`s wedding and her fiancee`s, not yours. If they are happy inviting children, it is their choice to do so, not yours. As for uninvited children though, i do have to agree with you. Tell her outright the children are not welcome, although because she is in the wedding party you may lose her as well. I would not only find a backup babysitter, but maybe a backup bridesmaid as well.

I think it is rude of the bridesmaid to bring uninvited guests to the wedding. However, I think it would be even more rude of you to point it out. Unless you are personally going to have to look after the children at the wedding I don`t see what the big deal of a couple of kids would be. Odds are the bridesmaid would plan to leave early with her children anyway.

Children are as cute as anyone else they make good comedy at a wedding but if you dont want them there i think they should not be there its your wedding not theres the bridesmaid should have thought of that before agreeing to be a maid

Sorry, I agree young children do not belong at an evening wedding, I am a florist who has seen it all. By evening children have had it, all day long the parent trys to get in their nap,eat and dress up. Kids dont give a hoot about sitting around, they are bored and when that happens the whinning starts, and then ruin everyones nightOne suggestion, hire a nanny if there is a small room at the reception site group all the children there when they get tired and bored. Stock with games pillows toys. Some sites have places for the kids with videos and t.v.Parents can check on their kids at any time. Belive me it works, and a donation to the nanny would be throughful.But it would be easier to word the invitation ADULTS ONLY for everyone to have a nice time.

Suzi, I am sorry this is happening to you. I agree with you -- I do not feel that children belong at a wedding. They (children) don`t comprehend the meaning of marriage and how important of a day it is for everyone involved. They just see it as something `fun` to go to so that they can play.

Are you hosting the event Suzi? (meaning financially contributing...) If you are, then you DO have say over who is invited and who isn`t. This bridesmaid is being rude and inconsiderate. If only family members are allowed to bring their children, then hers should stay at home. I don`t understand how some people feel they can bring people to weddings who weren`t invited. The inner envelope of an invitation specifies who is invited -- if it doesn`t say "and Children" or "and Family" then they aren`t invited.

How does your daughter and her fiance feel? Have you talked to them about it? Perhaps they could also help intervene if it is something that all of you agree on.

Good luck to you Suzi -- this is a tough battle to fight. Let us know how things work out.

I agree with you, children do not belong at weddings, unless they are the ringbearer or flowergirl. I`m getting married next year and planning to address on the invitations, "adults only." Rude or not, people want to enjoy themselves and not worry about what the children are getting into.

I don`t think you can make a blanket statement saying children do not belong at weddings. Children do belong at weddings if the couple wants them. Every family wedding I have been to (even the ultra formal evening ones) have always had lots of children. The adults and children have always had a wonderful time dancing to the music and mingling with the relatives.

I`m not finding fault with people who don`t want kids at the wedding. I understand that, and everyone makes that decision for themselves. But I don`t agree that children don`t belong at any wedding. Children belong perfectly at some weddings and don`t belong at others. All depends on individual wants. All my little cousins and nephews and nieces do belong at my wedding!

Weddings should also be an opportunity for family to get together celebrate. For the two families to meet and appreciate the fact that the family is growing. Why wouldn`t you want your children to be a part of this? The wedding should be about LOVE which the entire family should be a part of.

The last two posters are right, and referring to the original poster, the groom DOES want the children in his family to attend. This should be the end of the story. I`m sorry if the MOB thinks it`s going to ruin her daughters wedding, but it isn`t the MOB`s wedding, it`s the bride and grooms and they obviously want the kids there. So suck it up, try to find some way to incorporate entertainment for the kids and stop harping on an issue that is quite moot. It`s going to be beautiful kids or not and the wedding is for the bride and groom not the parents, so give them the wedding that THEY want, not what YOU want.

I`m a wedding planner and have been in the business for over 20 years. I`ve been to countless weddings where children were invited and they ruined the day. I will never forget one 7 year old girl who ran down the aisle and hit the bride -- yes, that is right, she hit the bride. Yes, this was an odd occurance and I know it`s not typical but it does happen.

However, there have been hundreds of weddings where I have seen the following: kids spilling punch on the BM`s and bride, kids screaming during the vows, kids putting their hands into the mashed potatoe bowl on the buffet line, over 10 different weddings where there was a fire caused by a child playing with candles, and my favorite -- the 7 times I`ve seen a child put their hand right into the wedding cake.

Don`t get me wrong, I love children and have four of my own. I`ve tried to be a good parent and discipline my children and teach them manners. When I have taken them to weddings (very few) I have done my best to keep an eye on them. However, things happen and no parent - no matter how good they are - can watch their child the entire time. That is how accidents happen.

I have also noted at a few wedding receptions where a very inebriated guest caused a fight with an usher, and even knocked over the cake table. Honestly though, I`ve only seen an adult ruin a wedding about 6 times.

I`m not here to say children belong or don`t belong at a wedding, because that is up to the B&G and the people hosting the party. It`s a decision that they all need to decide on. As some people have said - they don`t feel children belong at a wedding -- as others have said -- they do. Let`s just all agree that it is an independent decision.

People need to take a look at the children in their family and determine if they can handle the day and behave. Parties are difficult for children because it`s so easy for them to get into trouble. Remember, children do not understand the consequences of their actions.

I`m just assuming that the girls who were offended by the comments that were made about children not belonging at weddings do not have children of their own, and yes I have children.

First, I wasn`t offended. I just feel differently. I think it`s perfectly okay not to invite children if that`s what you decide. And I think it`s perfectly okay to include children if you want them. It`s up to the bride and groom whether they want to or not. Laura, I`m not saying that you are wrong for not including children. I`m saying that you are wrong for telling everyone else that children don`t belong at any wedding. Belonging or not belonging is a personal choice, not a rule or a fact.

But I have to ask you, what does having children of your own have to do with this topic? I don`t think being a mother or not being a mother has any bearing on whether children are invited to the wedding. I have gone to weddings of first time brides and grooms who do not have children of their own and there are plenty of children at the weddings. And I have gone to second marriages where the couple already has children of their own and children are invited to the wedding. So I don`t understand what you mean.

As a caterer, I agree that for the most part, children shouldn`t be at evening weddings, unless there`s a special place and a babysitter for them. I`ve seen way too many children get into things, break things, get in trouble, and just get left unsupervised while their parents get drunk and party. Not to mention most of them end up cranky because they do get tired.

I am having a similar problem and the words "If you don`t like it don`t come" have become my mantra. We are having an evening theme wedding that is absolutely inappropriate for young children. I have taken a lot of flak on this but as far as I am concerned they don`t have to come. It`s my wedding, my day, not theirs. And I am not providing a babysitter either, I have seen too many weddings where the couple with the best of intentions does this but the parent insists on bringing their screaming child into the reception because they didn`t want to stay with the sitter.

I am getting married myself in 8 months, and me and my fiance are getting married on a boat. We are personally deciding to make our wedding an adults only event for several reasons. First of all, I agree, children do not understand what marriage really means, and they cannot understand how important a wedding is, especially to the bride and groom. Children do not understand the consequences of thier actions, even if they are sweet, good hearted children. Secondly, me and my fiance are getting married on a boat, and after the judge leaves the boat, the boat is going to set sail for 4 hours. Normally, if a child becomes rowdy or tired, a parent can usually leave the wedding with thier child, but there`s no way to leave a 4 hour boat ride, once it starts. Also, the boat is a very enclosed space, and children, when they do get rowdy, need a big space to run around in.
I agree that it is the choice of the bride and groom to invite or not invite children to thier wedding, but other parents and adults need to understand and respect the choice of the bride and groom. After all, it is the bride and groom`s special day, and they want it to go smoothly, and they want it to be memorable. It`s really about them more than anything.
I`m sorry, but for my wedding, if someone does not respect my decision of not inviting children, then they don`t have to come to my wedding. They should realize that it is the bride and the groom`s choice, and if they can`t respect that, then I`m sorry, but it`s thier issue, not the bride and groom`s issue.

Wow I have never been to a wedding without children. I guess it has to do with me living in utah and everyone has children. I am getting married May 1st this is my second wedding. My son will most definantly be there. And all my cousins children better be there as well. I have helped with several weddings in the last couple of years. And every one of them my child has gone to as well as other children. Not only is my 3 year old son going I am having him walk me down the isle. On top of that he is so excited to be wearing a tux like my finance. He actually thinks he is marrying me as well as my fiance. We have included him in every inch of the ceramony right down to him getting a ring as well. I have been to several receptions where kids are running around and having a good time. Weddings are all about family, friends and love. And children are very much apart of that. I would be sad if there was no children at my wedding. This is just my opinion and I am sure some people will think it is wierd that my son is walking me down the isle and getting a ring but everyone i have talked to thinks this is the best thing to do. My mom grew up in a family where it was children are to be seen not heard. She takes us everywhere and we are invited to everything. As far as the invites go I address them to the adults but it is for the whole family. I guess that is just apart of being raised here in utah. I hope i have not offended anyone because everyone is entitled to there own opinion but children should be envited. Also if they are not invited to things like this they will not learn and see the joy that people can have. Anywho good luck. Oh and if the groom wants it then let him have it it is his wedding as well not yours.

I am just amazed at how much many of the people posting about this topic underestimate chldren. I think that you are encompassing all children into one category, one developmental level, one capacity. That, quite frankly, is wrong to do. Maybe you might say that a two-year-old does not understand what a wedding is about or the importance of the day, but a ten-year-old or a twelve-year-old? I know that when I was younger, if I had not been invited to a wedding of a relative along with my parents, I would have taken offense. Do they just not really care about me? They don`t want me to be a part of this special day with them? Kids are a lot smarter and more aware of things than most adults give them credit for. They also often can handle more than we think they can. Just a thought for all you future brides discluding children doesn`t have to include all children. Maybe you could disclude very young children like 6 and under, or pass the word that maybe if a parent thinks a child can`t handle the enormity of the day/evening that the child may want to go to a friends for that day/night or have a babysitter. Anyway, just something for everyone to think about. Either way though you should do what you feel is right for your wedding. Everyone comes from a different background and has different views on weddings and visions of what their wedding will be like, so it absolutely impossible to have a right or wrong on this question, so do what`s right for you.