Bridal Shower Guest Co-Pay
A group of friends and my sister offered to take me out to dinner for my bridal shower. I did not want to do this. Instead, I wanted to have a shower at a restaurant and have aprox. 25-30 people come. So, I decided that to help cover the cost of the shower I would charge each person 1/2 of the cost I would pay. $25.00. I looked in the etiquette book, but it says nothing about charging attendants, and now my fiance thinks we should pay the full amount and forget charging half? I am not clear as to what would be appropriate, need help fast! Hope someone can shed some light on my lack of clarity.
Thanks, a Miami Bride
Posted by Rosemary; updated 09/30/03
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Bridal Showers are something that friends or family of the bride host and are in honor of the bride`s upcoming marriage. Sometimes the bride is asked what sort of shower she would like such as: a brunch, afternoon party, at a resturant, or someone`s house. However, that is about the extent of the input on the forum. A bride does not, and should not, take over the planning process and try to dictate how it should be put on. You either go with what your friends and sister would like to do for you as it is something they are volunteering to do as a kind gesture, or you tell them that you don`t want anything done at all. I do not mean to sound rude, but I think you are way off base here with the idea of charging people 1/2, paying for some yourself, etc. This party is NOT for you to host, it is being hosted FOR you. Therefore, you should graciously accept what is being offered to you and sit back and enjoy the opportunity to spend time with people who care about you and that are supporting your upcoming marriage. If you want to have a shower at a restuarant for 25-30 people then you wait until one of your friends decide to get married and then you host that for them. Until then, I recommend that you accept what is offered to you and be thankful that someone wants to do anything for you.
The reason you are not finding anything in your etiquette book is because what you are trying to do is not acceptable.
Posted by Amanda; updated 09/30/03
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I agree. The shower is for your BM`s to plan. You are to be the guest of honor. This is the one time in the entire planning process when all you have to do is show up! It sounds like what you want falls more along the lines of the rehearsal dinner. Even then it`s not really appropriate to have your guests pay, even half of, the cost. Let your BM`s and friends do what they want to for you and enjoy the one aspect of the wedding you have no control over! Well, besides the weather. But your BM`s should know you well enough to plan something they know you`d like...
Posted by ann; updated 09/30/03
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Ditto what these other two ladies have said. What you are proposing is completely unacceptable. No ands, ifs or buts, you may not plan, dictate, pay for or host your own shower. Graciously accept the invitation you have received for the kind of shower they want to give you and go have a wonderful time.
Posted by Linda; updated 09/30/03
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I stood up in a wedding where the bride did this (I`ve stood up in a LOT of weddings!). She had two showers, one in the US and one in Canada (hubby is a Canuck). I got a list FROM THE BRIDE telling me what dishes I needed to bring and what gifts I was expected to buy for the shower games. TACKY TACKY TACKY. She also had 10 bridesmaids/groomsmen, 2 junior brides/grooms, and a matron of honor. I should also mention that this was her second marriage and she wore white.
Posted by zitiqueen; updated 10/01/03
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Congratulations!!
How about having a thrown bridal shower with the people you work with then family shower, and finally the bachellorette party?
Posted by Jennifer; updated 10/04/03
