Freaking Out Groom W/ Questions?

I`ve been married for 10 years and soon to be reaffirming my wedding vows so it`s kind of hard for me to think back to the jitters from the first time, but I think you`ve got them :) First of all, just because she wears Ivory doesn`t mean she`s not a virgin....but might be something you might want to talk to her about if you feel that strongly. If you`ve seen any bridal magazines lately, you`ll notice that there are a multitude of colored gowns. There are lilac, pink and even RED gowns for first time brides to choose from. There are even some with black accents.....to compliment the black tuxes that the groom wears.....but I don`t think wearing one would imply that the marriage was doomed or anything. Secondly, there should have been a sit down organized listing between you and your future Mrs` about the guest list, you can invite everyone you`ve ever known if that is in the budget, but usually it`s not. If you invited everyone you`ve come in to contact with at work just because you had that many invitations might not have been a good idea....but it`s very improper to take back invites so just hope that they think of you in the same way, as just a passing coworker and they don`t show up and surprise the caterer, who was probably only paid for a certain amount of guest. Another importance of the RSVP, but seems not a lot of people use it these days :( I`m sure there are plenty of books for the new to be husband but I`ve not got any to list off the top of my head....might try typing in Groom Books on a good search engine like Google.com or even at Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble. Best of luck....try not to stress out too much :)

And about that 7k item on your registry. You should remove it.

John, as Faith indicated brides today are wearing a wide variety of colors. She may have chosen Ivory because it works better with her complexion - some brides simply do not look good in pure white. If you have some concerns regarding her sexual history, you may want to broach that with her before the wedding.

Wow, $7,000 is quite a bit for a wedding gift. Personally, I wouldn`t put anything on the registry that is more that $300 (for me, I only have two things that are over $200 -- but that`s me and it doesn`t make it right). You may have really wealthy friends, but most people do not spend $7K on a gift for someone. If you are uncomfortable with the monetary amount of the gift, I`d remove it from the registry. By the way, what did you register for that is 7K? A fishing boat?

The guest list is up to ultimately up to the bride&groom with input from families sometimes. You may want to consider the size of the church or hall that you are getting married in - along with the size of the reception hall. If your reception hall only holds up to 350 people and you have 400 show up -- it may cause a problem. I`d keep a close count on the number of people you have invited and the number that RSVP that they are coming. Food can get pretty pricey and you may be paying a lot of money to feed people that you don`t necessarily care for.

I don`t thini there is a "Marriage for Dummies" book (because if there was, I`d probably buy it!) but you could look at a local bookstore for either a `marriage-type` book or else in the self-help section under relationships. There are some fabulous books out there on relationships and how to strenghten them.

Also, you could take the compatibility test with your fiance and then see a therapist afterwards for the feedback session. My fiance and I did this and it was wonderful -- we really learned a lot -- I recommend it to everyone.

Good luck to you John and if you need/want more advice, you came to the right place. There are many wonderful women on this site that have really helpful suggestions.

Go to your local bookstore and ask where the section for weddings is. They usually have books for how to plan weddings, etc. Look for a book for grooms (they do have one, i saw one once, just not sure of the name).

Hi, just to let you know that its a Wide Screen Plasma HDTV, I put it on the registry to prevent anyone from thinking they are better than anyone else because they bought the most expensive gift but I felt bad when a co-worker told me that it wasnt that unreasonable - then I started thinking "oh no!" because someone might actually buy it, most of my registry was tools because I was thinking what is a man without tools, so I went through Sears picking out all kinds of things I thought I might use, Was that a bad idea? I dont know why but I feel guilty. Thank you for all the advice.

There`s nothing wrong with registering for tools, I think it`s a great idea. A lot of people do that and it`s a great way to spice up the registry from the typical items of blenders, china, and crystal. However, there is a big difference between a cordless screwdriver and a HDTV. Trust me here, take the TV off the registry.

Best Wishes!

John,

I`m a readhead and I`m wearing Ivory because it goes much better with my complexion than white. Plus, a lot of brides opt for Ivory for winter weddings as well.

I think registering for tools is a great idea. I can`t wait until Home Depot and Lowe`s comes out with a registry. That compound mitre saw and table will be mine! I would definitely take the TV off your registry though. I think the most expensive thing I`m registring for is a Wusthof knife block (the very best in knives...I`m in the restaurant biz). I had a regular register for a $200 Braun shaver and didn`t get it...it was just his way of testing his theory on who the registry was really for...

You should really talk to your fiance and family about your guest list. If you don`t really have a budget then I don`t see why you couldn`t invite co-workers, but most of us do have a budget, and a tight one at that. I know how upset some of them might be but in the end, it`s your wedding and your money. My fiance and I are both bartenders and not one weekend night goes by when one of our regulars asks us if they`re invited to the wedding. How I would love to invite them all, and all our co-workers from the past 7 years we`ve been in the biz in this town. HOWEVER, we are paying for the wedding ourselves and we`ve seen employees quit or get fired--co-workers that we worked every day together and hung out and partied with--and we haven`t seen them since. They say compose your guest list by tiers...and if there`s room at the bottom for a few extra THEN you invite your co-workers or that college roommate you only hear from in a form letter every Xmas.

All in all you`re experiencing jitters which are quite natural. Be sure to talk to your fiance about them...after all, she`s your partner in life! Best of luck...

Hi John,

FYI - There IS a wedding for dummies book!! You should check it out. And there is a Groom for Dummies book as well. My groom has also been desperate for an instruction manual on what his role in the wedding as well as in our marriage should be. It is very frustrating b/c the industry is def. Geared toward the bride. I think it is great that you are taking such an active role in the wedding. Just don`t forget to talk to your bride about everything. That really helps my fiance and I work thru our jitters.

Best of luck!!

Echo

First of all, I want to say CONGRATULATIONS, and relax. Take a deep breath and let it out.
Once you have done that, while the TV is on the pricey side, we don`t know your financial situation or your friends so that might not be that out of the oridinary for them. But if you are uncomfortable with it being on there, then take it off.
As far as your fiance`s dress, most of the girls that I know that are getting married are leaning towards ivory instead of white. However if you have a problem with the color of her gown talk to her about it. Ask her why she decided to wear ivory instead of white. She probably doesnt know that you are wondering and she probably has a really good reason for it, most likely her complection. No matter what she wears she will look beautiful.
As far as a book for husbands goes, I don`t know if there is one, but I can tell that you are going to be a great husband to her, just getting this involved with the wedding. Alot of men leave everything up to the bride, but I can tell that you want everything to be perfect. So, relax, your on the right track as far as being a good husband goes.
Now, as far as the invitations go... Talk to your fiance...make a list of all the people you want to or already have invited. Set a limit for your self, but keep in mind that there are some people that have to be invited. And please... SET A BUDGET. Especially if her parents are paying.
I know how hard it is to plan a wedding, I am doing it right now. I`m getting married in May, so I know how you feel. Look for the best deals for things and keep in mind that the day, time, and season that your getting married will greatly affect the cost. Www.theknot.com is a wonderful website, I have found alot of things for my wedding on there.
Congratulations, and try to Relax.
Sincerly,
Dawn

Hi, thank you ladies, so much. I think I have decided to just leave it on the registry because it has already been there for several months and I think it would look even worse if I took it off. But, oh well, my sarcastic humor may bite me back this time - I can always not accept it or take it back or just keep it to watch the Braves. The thank you card will need to be spiced up in some way though. Or does anyone think I should still take it off? I asked her about the Ivory, and she said it goes better with her complexion. My mom said that the registry was fine, and that it just reflected my ignorance and sense of humor about weddings - I also put kids toys on it. Dont ask why. I am going to Barnes and Noble on Saturday to find that book! Thank you so much ladies!

I would definitely remove the 7k television. I believe I have a pretty good sense of humor, but I don`t think putting this on your registry is amusing. Besides, who would by it anyway? I don`t think putting children`s toys on your registry is good either. People don`t want to buy baby toys for wedding gifts.

I disagree with your mom. When did wedding registries become a forum to "reflected your ignorance and sense of humor about weddings". They are meant to be useful to your guests who don`t have any idea what to get you. They`re not meant to be a joke or a list that people have to weed through to find reasonable items.

Hey John,

GO CUBS!!!

Heh heh...