Bestman Issue
Looking for advice on a bestman situation. Should the bride have a say in who is the bestman? I have no problem with the choice of bestman but with "who" will be coming along with the bestman. The "lady" that will be escorting him has caused extreme pain and heartache in my immediate family and I wish her not to be there.I feel it is my wedding and I should be cofortable with anyone attending my wedding. If you have ever had someone that could raise your blood pressure just by seeing them, I think you know what I mean. It may sound selfish , as I have been told to ignore her. I have in the past ,but don`t feel I should have to tolerate this at my wedding. I have told my fiancee I am not telling you that you can`t have him for the bestman but his girlfriend is not invited. So I was just wondering what others would do.
Posted by cathy; updated 09/28/03
Reply
Cathy, wow what a tough situation for you. I really sympathize with how you feel.
Typically, no the bride doesn`t have much input into the bestman, however, In this particular situation it`s quite obvious that you have very strong feelings about this woman. She has obviously done some seriously hideous things to make you feel the way that you do. Thus, I would say you every right to voice your opinion and be a huge part of the final decision.
I think it`s great that you`ve told your FI how you feel. I also don`t think there is anything wrong with not wanting this woman at your wedding. Perhaps your FI can talk to his bestman and explain the situation and how you feel about the significant other. If the bestman and your fiance have a really good friendship, the bestman will hopefully understand and not bring his significant other. If he refuses and says he wants to bring her, then you have two options -- one, don`t invite either or two, have this man as the bestman and have this woman at your wedding.
I`d have a long talk with your FI and this particular Bman. Hopefully the BMan will be understanding and respect your wishes for the wedding. If not, then you and your FI have to make a tough decision.
My heart really goes out to you right now. Getting engaged and planning a wedding is stressful enough --- you shouldn`t have to deal with this along with everything else.
I hope all turns out and that your wedding day goes exactly as you always dreamed!
Posted by Kay; updated 09/28/03
