Jealous Or Rude Friends? What Should I Do?
I recently got engaged to a wonderful man. We`d been dating for over 3 years and he finally popped the question. Here`s my problem, my engagement ring is significantly larger than any of my friend`s rings. I do not flaunt the size of my diamond and only show it to people when they request to see it. I have not kept the fact that I`m engaged a secret since it`s such an important event in my life. I have though kept the details of the ring as private as possible. My fiance is a surgeon so he does make an ok living and can afford a rather large ring The ring`s center stone is almost 3 carats and the side stones together are approximately 2.5 carats combined. The diamonds are set in platinum and it`s really quite stunning. But since it is quite a bit more than any of my friends I have tried not to show anyone or talk about it.
My problem is, a lot of my friends have made some side comments about the size of the ring and the probable cost. A few of my friends have even stopped talking to me as much as they used to. A bunch of my friends were going out last weekend and one said to me "you wouldn`t want to go since it`s not high-class enough for you." I was really hurt as I`ve been really careful about this ring.
I`m not a wealthy person at all. I teach first grade in an inner-city school in Chicago. I eat at regular restuarants and drink beer like all my other friends do. I haven`t changed at all since I started dating my fiance. Heck, he too likes to go to dive-bars and drink beer like everyone else. We are not uppity people at all.
What should I do? Should I say something to my friends? Should I just hope it goes away? Should I not wear the ring? Should I find new friends? I`m really hurt right now because I feel like the most important people in my life are turning against me because of a ring. HELP.
Liz
Posted by Liz; updated 09/27/03
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Liz, your friends are just plain jealous and are being immature. Hopefully, it`s only temporary. It`s obvious that you are a down-to-earth person who is fortunate enough to have met, and fell in love, with a very special man that you want to spend the rest of your life with. The fact that this special man also happens to have money is not your fault. I don`t think it`s fair of your friends to treat you poorly when they should be excited for you. Being engaged is supposed to be a happy time where your friends and family share in your joy.
I`m really sorry that this is happening to you and I hope your friends wake up and realize that what they are doing is not right and is down-right hurtful.
My advice to you is to ignore their comments for now and to go on as usual. If things continue for a month or longer, perhaps you could sit down with each of them individually and let them know how you feel. Tell them that you are hurt that they are excluding you from things and give them specific examples of things they have said or done that hurts you. If they are truly your friends they will stop and share in your happiness!
Best of luck to you!
P.S. Your ring sounds FANTASTIC, enjoy it!!!!
Posted by Kay; updated 09/27/03
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Find new friends, yours sound like fools.
Posted by Mindy; updated 10/01/03
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Hi Liz,
I can only imagine how you must be feeling! Maybe your friends aren`t the "friends" that you thought they were. Don`t even dream of taking off that ring. It isn`t like you are throwing it in their faces and they are the ones that have some growing up to do! Give it some time and maybe they will realize just how they have hurt you. Enjoy your engagement and be happy!
Posted by Tina; updated 10/01/03
