Mother Daughter Problems
Is it me or her? My mother has nagged me and yelled at me for years. It mostly started when my brother started running into trouble. She really couldn`t help him and he ended up dropping out of high school and started getting high and drinking all the time. He moved out and now it is me (16) my little brother (12) and my mom. I am a good kid. Get good grades, stay out of any kind of trouble, respectful, and caring. I think that she may have snapped! She yells at me when she wants me to do something as if she told me over and over again for days but never did. I tell her "why are you yelling at me?" and she says (yelling again) "I am not yelling at you just do the dam dishes" or what ever she wants me to do. One time I helped her spread a chemical around the house to keep bugs away, (acually it was just me). I wore gloves but I started to get a burning feeling above where the gloves covered and went inside to rinse my hands with water. She came inside yelling and screaming at me to go back and finish. I told her why I was rinsing my hands and she called me a liar and to finish. I got angry and said "Fine, if your going to be like that I wont do anything!" and went to my room and shut the door, sitting in front of it holding it shut. A few minutes later she came stomping up the stairs and screaming at me to come down right now. I didn`t answer. She started trying to open the door putting her wait into it screaming nasty names and words like "come out here right now you lazy fucking bitch!" I have never swore in my life especially to my mother. What is wrong with this picture? Did I diserve this? I have lost respect for her after this, which was an unconcious decision. Does she have any right even though she is my mother? Is it me or her who is responsible for these actions?
Posted by Chelsea; updated 09/26/03
Reply
Chelsea,
Sorry I can`t help you -- this site is for wedding/marriage issues -- not family problems.
I recommend you talk to your high school counselor.
Sorry I can`t help you -- this site is for wedding/marriage issues -- not family problems.
I recommend you talk to your high school counselor.
Posted by Kay; updated 09/27/03
Reply
I would talk to a counsellor. Your mother`s behaviour is abusive. Make no mistake, she may or may not hit you, but it is still abusive. Is there another family member you could live with (uncles, aunts, father, grandparents)? find some stability in your life. Talk to someone who can help. Good luck to you honey.
And as for kay, if you have nothing productive to say, don`t say anything at all. This may be a marraige/wedding website, but how dare you chastise someone for reaching out for help. Dig your head out of your a*. You are so wrapped up in your own wedding to see that other people have problems non wedding related. The world turns whether or not your planning a wedding my dear, and if you don`t see that, you don`t deserve the happiness that a wedding can bring.
And as for kay, if you have nothing productive to say, don`t say anything at all. This may be a marraige/wedding website, but how dare you chastise someone for reaching out for help. Dig your head out of your a*. You are so wrapped up in your own wedding to see that other people have problems non wedding related. The world turns whether or not your planning a wedding my dear, and if you don`t see that, you don`t deserve the happiness that a wedding can bring.
Posted by Sarah; updated 09/27/03
Reply
Sarah,
Do you think you are over reacting a bit to my response to that girl? I don`t think you understood my message to her -- I told her I couldn`t help her and she should talk with her high school counselor -- essentially what you told her to do also.
I don`t feel I`m qualified to give her any advice on her mother and her`s relationship, thus I recommended she talk with her high school counselor and go from there. I am a Registered Nurse, not a counselor or social worker - If I were a therapist of some sort I`d be more than happy to help her. Yes, I agree that it is unfortunate that it appears that her mother is verbally abusive to her but I didn`t feel I was the appropriate person to give her advice as to what she should do. When it comes to counseling/therapy it is imperative that the therapist know the entire situation and histories of both parties - that much I know from them limited classes I took in this area during college and from my sister who is a social worker. This girl gave us one paragraph of one-sided information -- in regards to a therapy session this isn`t even close to what one would need to give adequate or educated advice.
I can assure you that there is much more in my life than just planning a wedding and the wedding is often the last thing on my priority list as I go about eachday. I`m a registered nurse at a children`s hospital for terminally ill patients. Trust me, as I see my patients die eachday from terminal illness I KNOW there is more to life than a wedding.
It`s terribly unfortunate that this girl seems to be verbally abused by her mother. Thus she needs to seek out counseling from the resources available to her. She AND her mother will need to go into counseling.
Do you think you are over reacting a bit to my response to that girl? I don`t think you understood my message to her -- I told her I couldn`t help her and she should talk with her high school counselor -- essentially what you told her to do also.
I don`t feel I`m qualified to give her any advice on her mother and her`s relationship, thus I recommended she talk with her high school counselor and go from there. I am a Registered Nurse, not a counselor or social worker - If I were a therapist of some sort I`d be more than happy to help her. Yes, I agree that it is unfortunate that it appears that her mother is verbally abusive to her but I didn`t feel I was the appropriate person to give her advice as to what she should do. When it comes to counseling/therapy it is imperative that the therapist know the entire situation and histories of both parties - that much I know from them limited classes I took in this area during college and from my sister who is a social worker. This girl gave us one paragraph of one-sided information -- in regards to a therapy session this isn`t even close to what one would need to give adequate or educated advice.
I can assure you that there is much more in my life than just planning a wedding and the wedding is often the last thing on my priority list as I go about eachday. I`m a registered nurse at a children`s hospital for terminally ill patients. Trust me, as I see my patients die eachday from terminal illness I KNOW there is more to life than a wedding.
It`s terribly unfortunate that this girl seems to be verbally abused by her mother. Thus she needs to seek out counseling from the resources available to her. She AND her mother will need to go into counseling.
Posted by Kay; updated 09/27/03
Reply
Sarah, I agree with Kay`s response. You are WAY off base here. Your response was presumptuous and offensive.
I am a social worker by background who works with families and I wouldn`t touch this issue with a 10-foot pole without knowing a great deal more about the situation. Kay was right when she told this girl to go see the counselor at school. I don`t think Kay was being rude at all -- she simply stated the facts.
This girl, who is obviously upset, is asking for answers that no one has the right to give her with this little of information. This is a very sensitive subject and one shouldn`t jump to provide any information as it may point this girl in the wrong direction.
Sarah, you`re in the wrong and should think before you type responses like that.
I am a social worker by background who works with families and I wouldn`t touch this issue with a 10-foot pole without knowing a great deal more about the situation. Kay was right when she told this girl to go see the counselor at school. I don`t think Kay was being rude at all -- she simply stated the facts.
This girl, who is obviously upset, is asking for answers that no one has the right to give her with this little of information. This is a very sensitive subject and one shouldn`t jump to provide any information as it may point this girl in the wrong direction.
Sarah, you`re in the wrong and should think before you type responses like that.
Posted by Maddie; updated 09/27/03
Reply
I am not wrong. I do think about what i write first and i too, by the way, am a registered nurse. My problem with kay`s response was not her telling the girl to go to a counsellor, as i too believe it is the way to go. My problem is pointing out to her that she has basically no business asking for advise here on this website. As i said before, if you have nothing constructive to say, don`t say anything at all. Why waste the time to type in a response so hurtful to someone who is already feeling hurt? if you can`t offer any advise or empathy for someone, don`t sit there and make them feel bad for asking for help, just switch back to the message threads and be done with it. Why waste everyone elses time? i am not making judgements about her mother, mearly suggesting that if she is not happy with her home life, that she talk to someone about it. I was also pointing out that she should search for people who she trusts as well if she is not able to tolerate the abuse from her mother (based on what she says, i call it abuse). My advise was not wrong.
Posted by Sarah; updated 09/27/03
Reply
Sarah, I think you`re reading way too far into my first comment to her. It wasn`t meant to be hurtful to her. My point was pretty simple -- it was basically -- I`m sorry I can`t help you, this site isn`t for that. I wasn`t critizing her or trying to make her feel bad. I`m sorry if you felt I was because I wasn`t. I truly feel bad for this girl since she`s obviously having a hard time - 16 is a horrible age and you couldn`t pay me enough to be that age again.
As you say -- you are a nurse, thus I`d assume you know where I`m coming from in regards to giving psychosocial advice to a patient (yes I know she`s not a patient). During your clinicals didn`t you ever say something to a younger patient that you shouldn`t have? Didn`t some social worker (no offense to you Maddie) chew you out for saying something psychosocial to a patient that you had no business saying? Nurses and social workers never see eye-to-eye, I`ve yet to work with a social worker I like (again, no offense Maddie -- you know what kind of weird working relationship us clinicians have with you guys)
As a nurse who works primarily with younger patients I have learned to let the social worker do his/her job in regards to the family dynamic issues. I have too often sympathized with a patient to later find out `the real story` from the social worker and realized I had stuck my foot WAY too far into my mouth. Thats I why I am so quick to shy away from giving advice and directing people to see a counselor.
As you say -- you are a nurse, thus I`d assume you know where I`m coming from in regards to giving psychosocial advice to a patient (yes I know she`s not a patient). During your clinicals didn`t you ever say something to a younger patient that you shouldn`t have? Didn`t some social worker (no offense to you Maddie) chew you out for saying something psychosocial to a patient that you had no business saying? Nurses and social workers never see eye-to-eye, I`ve yet to work with a social worker I like (again, no offense Maddie -- you know what kind of weird working relationship us clinicians have with you guys)
As a nurse who works primarily with younger patients I have learned to let the social worker do his/her job in regards to the family dynamic issues. I have too often sympathized with a patient to later find out `the real story` from the social worker and realized I had stuck my foot WAY too far into my mouth. Thats I why I am so quick to shy away from giving advice and directing people to see a counselor.
Posted by Kay; updated 09/27/03
Reply
No offense taken Kay. I`ve yet to work with a nurse that I haven`t wanted to hit upside the head ;). Nurses and social workers fight it out all the time. It is refreshing to hear a nurse admit that they dabbled in the psychosocial aspects of patient care when they knew they shouldn`t!!! And on the flip-side I know plenty of social workers who try to dictate a clinical plan of care when they have no business doing so.
Sarah, Kay didn`t mean anything nasty by her short comment to this girl. Obviously she has gotten her a$$ chewed by a social worker more than once and is very shy of giving advice to adolescents. The mother/daughter relationship is very complex and even I as a therapist often dread having to deal with them.
Sarah, Kay didn`t mean anything nasty by her short comment to this girl. Obviously she has gotten her a$$ chewed by a social worker more than once and is very shy of giving advice to adolescents. The mother/daughter relationship is very complex and even I as a therapist often dread having to deal with them.
Posted by Maddie; updated 09/27/03
Reply
Sarah you have no idea what you are talking about. There were no ill intentions here. I have a hard time believing that you are a nurse, most RN`s know how to spell and you don`t. Get off your high horse and stop being so rude in your comments. You are always looking for something negative even when it`s not there. Knock it off!
Posted by Laura; updated 09/27/03
Reply
My have things gotten heated. One thing I forgot to mention to this girl (Chelsea) who originally put the question up. It seems we have forgotten about her altogether. Don`t take Sarah`s advice and go live with another family member, that is very bad advice. If there are truly problems with your mother`s behavior then you two have to deal with it with the help of a therapist. Moving out is not the answer.
The first step is seeking the assistance of a trained counselor. You and your mother need to find ways to deal with the behavior problems.
The first step is seeking the assistance of a trained counselor. You and your mother need to find ways to deal with the behavior problems.
Posted by Maddie; updated 09/27/03
Reply
Gosh...I was just thinking...this girl is probably reading these responses thinking that she is causing trouble. That isn`t fair. Drop it! Everyone has told her to seek help and I am sure she will now.
Posted by Mandy; updated 09/27/03
Reply
People choose what they want to believe and yes, i do know how to spell, but, like everyone else, i am human and fallible. I do make mistakes, especially when i am typing fast. My advice stands. She should seek counselling with and without her mother. However, everyone needs someone stable that they can rely on. By suggesting that she find somone whom she trusts to talk to, and maybe even live with temporarily until things work out with her mother is not bad advice. Sometimes it`s hard to look at situations objectively when you are immersed in them. Chelsea, do what you think is best. Good luck to you honey.
Posted by Sarah; updated 09/27/03
Reply
Sarah can`t you just admit you`re wrong?!?!?!? You`re so nasty and negative it drives everyoen crazy! Telling a young girl to go live with someone else even temporarily when you don`t know crap about the situation is bad bad bad bad advice. Shut up and go find something that makes you happy your negatively is not welcome on this site.
Posted by Ashley; updated 09/27/03
Reply
Ok this is way out of control. The bottom line is that we all want Chelsea to go seek help - she`s in an unfortunate situation where she is not happy and we all want the best for her. Let`s just leave it at that. Obviously everyone is not seeing-eye-to-eye on what else she should do. Let`s now let the issue go and allow Chelsea to go seek some PROFESSIONAL help.
Good luck to you Chelsea - I sincerely hope things work out for you!
Good luck to you Chelsea - I sincerely hope things work out for you!
Posted by Kay; updated 09/27/03
Reply
Who is being the negative one here ashely? i still stand behind my advice, and having a different opinion than others does not make me wrong. Just agree to disagree. I haven`t seen you offer any advice to chelsea, so why do you feel the right to put down other`s who have. By suggesting she find someone stable to rely on is not bad advice. Everyone has the right to some stability in their lives. My advice and ann`s were not all that far apart, and my original message was not hurtful to anyone but the intended, for i felt she was being hurtful to someone who already seems hurt. Perhaps chelsea was hurt by it, perhaps she wasn`t. No one can say but her. I felt that saying to someone who reaches out for help, that this wasn`t the appropriate place to do it was rude. I believe that for someone to reach out for help is a hard thing to do, and should never be discouraged, appropriate or not. People can choose to agree or disagree with me, that is their choice, however, i will not back down from what i feel might help her. So, i would suggest, if no one else has anything helpful to offer chelsea (who orignally posted this message), they don`t waste their time putting down those who would.
Posted by Sarah; updated 09/28/03
Reply
You always make such an a$$ out of yourself Sarah. You never know when to shut your yap and leave things alone....no wonder people think you`re such a wretched witch.
Posted by Ashley; updated 09/28/03
Reply
Leave the dead horse alone! Quit beating it......it`s way dead.
Posted by Steph; updated 09/28/03
Seating Arrangement.com
Seating Arrangement has arrived! This is the ultimate tool in planning any social event or functi...
M & V Limousines - Long Island Limos
M&V Limousines Has been in business since 1993 offering our customers a unique transportation experi...
The Wedding Expert
...
The Wedding Expert
Find wedding caterers on our site....
The Wedding Expert
Limousine services for your wedding day....
Fairytale Productions
We offer top quality party equipment rentals to make your next event a rousing success. From game...
Total Entertainment - Interactive Games
Your ultimate choice for interactive games or games of any kind. These customer service experts h...
The Wedding Expert
Our wide range of florists and flower shops will help create your perfect wedding bouquet for your s...
