Marring Young

Getting married at nineteen? Well, it certainly increases the risk of divorce (though it does NOT doom you to divorce). I am a Marriage, Family, and Human Development major. From my studies, I know that the divorce rate drops for those who marry when they are even just a year or two older than you (20 or 21). So, maybe you want to wait a year or two to marry (getting to know each other better also increases the chances for a happier more stable marriage). However, I would NOT recommend living together as it dramatically increases the chances for divorce. If you feel like you and your boyfriend still want to marry now, check out: https: //www.relate-institute.org. It can help you and your boyfriend discuss plans for your marriage, etc. (not just plans for your wedding day). You could also check out premarital programs offered by your religious organization, college, or community. May you make the best choice; I know it is hard--I am considering marriage myself. Best wishes.

I would wait if i were you as well. People do a lot of emotional growing from the ages of 18-24. People need a chance to learn who they are as individuals first before they should start to think about themselves as a couple. Certainly, you don`t need to stop dating, but do a little exploration first. Also, 9 months isn`t a long time to be dating someone. Take a little time and really learn more about each other. The first 2 years of any dating relationship is also a honeymoon phase. Give yourself a little time to see if your still going to like him 10, 20, 30, 50 years from now. Waiting for marraige is not a crime, i think it gives you more balance going into it. Plus, i think so many people get divorced nowadays because they marry too soon in the relationship, not necessarily too young. Ask yourself some questions: do i want the marraige or the wedding? (there is a difference). If you find yourself more excited about the prospect of the wedding than waking up every morning to him. Smelling his b.o. And morning breath, chances are it`s not the marraige you want. Ask yourself: would waiting hinder or help our relationship. If you think that waiting 2 or 3 years will hinder the relationship, chances are your marraige won`t last either. Just remember, marraige is a lifelong committment (for those who take it seriously). Don`t make this decision on a whim or notion that married life is such a grownup thing to do. Look at your relationship from a farther perspective and follow what your heart tells you.

I agree that you should wait. If you love eachother, there`s no reason why you can`t wait at least until you`re out of college. You`re 19 and you`re definitely still changing! Think about this. Remember the way you thought when you were 10? 13? 16? You probably think completely different now then you did then. The same will be true when you`re 25 or 30. Although it may seem like the right thing to do now you may not feel that way 5 years down the road. I suspect that the fact that you`re even asking your question tells you that you`re not 100% sure if it`s the right thing and that`s definitely not the best way to start a marriage.

Misty,

If I were you - I`d wait. Although I`m sure we could find couples who got married at 17, 18, or 19 where their marriage lasted --I`m certain we could find way more where the marriage didn`t last. I`m not saying yours wouldn`t -- but statistics are stacked against you.

You`re young - live life as a single woman before you get married. Establish your career - stand on your own two feet before you stand with someone else.

When I was 18 I thought I`d found the man of my dreams and that I was ready to get married. How wrong I was!!! I`m now 28 and will be getting married in less than three months and I can`t begin to tell you how glad I am that I waited! I went to college, got a masters degree, lived alone, succeed alone, and proved I could do everything on my own. Then I met Jason and realized he`s the one I want to SHARE my life with.

Think long and hard before you decide to do something that will so drastically change your life.

Best wishes to you!

I think that as long s you are in love and you KNOW with all your heart that you will both try to do the best you possibly can to make the marriage work, then go ahead! I am young too, Im 20, and I am planning on getting married next summer. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and know that he is the one and I have no second thoughts about marrying him! I know we are meant to be, I didnt expect to find someone this young but it does happen! So I say, if you and he feel its the next step, go for it! Also, I have been living with him for about 9 months, so I think this will help us, not go against us, in our marriage. I know all of his habits, good and bad, so I am not going to be surprised that he hates to vaccuum when we get married!!! =)

I am currently planning to renew my vows to my hubby of 5 years. I am 24 so I married him when I was 19. To this day we have never had a fight or arguement that amounted to anything.
However my advice would be to wait until after college. It was hard to finish college and have a family. If my husband was closer to my age I don`t think he would have supported me in the way he has and I don`t think our marriage would be as successful as it is. He is 33. I love him with all my heart but if I did have it to do again I would have waited until now to marry him. I would have lived on my own and did more single growing things first. With the two of you both being so young I would be leary of getting married and being in college. Life will be really hard. You don`t want that stress on a new marriage. If you love each other to know that you are going to be together for the rest of your lifes. Then waiting 3-4 years until you are done with school should not be a problem and it will make life alot easier, financially as well as mentally between each other. As you know college students for the most part don`t have a lot of money. Luckily my husband had already finished school and was way into his carreer so we did not have that problem to deal with.
I would deal with school and being engaged for a while. 9 months is not a long time in the grand scheme of things I would give yourself a little more time. Live, Love, Be happy.

There is meaning behind the tried-and-true phrase of:
"Older and wiser."

I think it all depends on the people involved. Some people aren`t mature enough to be married, while others are. I am 20 and got engaged recently, but we are waiting 2-3 yrs so we can get school mostly done. I know that 3 yrs can only help us! I have been with my fience for 3 1/2 yrs and I fall more in love with him everyday. Right now he is away at school while I am at home going to school...the distance is hard but it is only making it that much better when I see him. You know what is best for you, and the fact that you are asking advice shows a little bit of hesitation. Just think hard about all that is involved in marrage. Good luck with your decision!

I`d like to clear something up. Living together does not increase your chance of divorce, per se. There is a statistic that shows a higher divorce rate with couples who lived together before marriage, but those couples chose to cohabitate because they had doubts. Basically, they wanted a trial marriage before the real thing. The higher divorce rate is probably caused by the problems that made them doubt the relationship enough to need a "trial marriage."

But I digress... No, I would not recommend getting married at 19. Take some time, live together, whatever works for you two. What`s the rush, right?

My mother and father were both not only 17 when they got married but also moved across the country from their families (can you say stress!!) and they are married still after 27 years!! So there is no saying that it will cause you to get devorced but I would be completely sure that this is the man you want to live with for the rest of your life before you commit to something like marriage.

Living together could increase your risk of divorce; don`t think it couldn`t happen to you. Divorce risk increases by around one-hundred percent when couples live together prior to marriage. As for the argument that living together only increases the risk of marriage for those with doubts--if you`re not sure that you`re ready to pledge the rest of your life with this man you have doubts. Remember, this is my field of study; you can do research for yourself. However, I have seen the research. After all, marriage and family are my field of study.

I think if you are sure that you are done exploring yourself and finding out who you are then it would be a good idea but make sure it is for the right reasons

Hey, I would just go with what you feel is the right thing to do. I am 22 and about to graduate from school and still my mother thinks I am not ready to be on my own. I have been living at home all my life and I have been with my fiance for 4 years and that still isn`t good enough. There is no definite age to get married and yes we all change throughout the years but the person you will be at 40 will change by the time you are 50. Go with what you rationally think is best. Don`t listen to anyone else because if you do you will be miserable and everyone else is planning your life for you. Its your life and relationship do what makes YOU happy. Take care and best wishes to you ;)
P.S. I know my fiance was right for me the moment that I meet him.

Hey, I`m 20 years old, I`m have currently been married for 2 years and I love it, Marriage has it`s ups and downs. All marriages last as long as you go through the 4 stages Stage one - Romance Stage Two -Disillusionment Step Three- Misery Step Four -True JOY!
I am pleased to say that I`m happy, it doesn`t matter your age, I only dated my husband for 4 months and we got married. You and him as a couple have to make it work. You age will not matter, people at 30 who get married can`t make it last why is it so different ? Go with your heart do you love him... Marry him if you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

Good luck.

HEY!! email me! Im in the same situation, im 20 and everyone tgives me a weird look when i say im engaged.....email me girl and we can talk

I want to know what the facts are for higher divorce rate among couples that live together before marriage. Is it b/c they get sick of each other? Because they take marriage more light-heartedly? What is it??!! I don`t see how living together before marriage can lead to divorce - I mean, you will learn the person and their faults before being surprised. Please let me know b/c I am curious about this....

I am 21. I married when I was 17 just got out of high school. I was married 2 1/2 years. I was ready to be a wife, always have. He was the same age as me. The reason My marriage didn`t work is because I basicly left home because I had a bad home life. When we married we moved in with his parents supose to be for 3 mo. I could never get him to find us a place to live. He was scared of responsibility. So our whole time of being married we lived with his parents. NEVER LIVE WITH ANYONE I don`t care if your best friends, your/his parents are the best in the world a house is never meant for 2 familes. People use to tell me that all the time, I said but you don`t understand. But they did come to find out. My ex-husband backslide in church he stopped going, got into drugs, started becoming abusive, so one day I finally left. That`s why I am divorced. I wanted to be one of those couples that married young and prove to the world it could be done. And it can, ONLY if GOD is the center of your marriage. And make sure before you say I DO that he doesn`t hit you and he isn`t doing anything such as drugs etc that you can`t live with later on down the road. Also Don`t move in together before your married that`s an easy ride and won`t make him commit to you. He get`s everything handed to him. If you love him start planning. Make sure your ready to grow up and be a wife, have the responsibllity of serving your husband, and him serving you. I love the responsiblity and loved being married. Make sure he is wiling to settle down and have his prorities right, willing to save money and not spend every penny he has. That was my ex problem he wanted to spend all our money he wanted to still take karate lessons, not willing to put aside childish things. It`s ok if you have money I`m not saying that, but If you still don`t have your own place come on grow up get your responsibliles in order.
Talk to your pastor together. Go through marriage counseling with him/her. And start planning a wedding..

I am engaged again.. After 2 years of being divorced. I`ve only been dating him for 4 months yesterday. We got engaged Oct 14, 2003. We are getting married March 13, 2004. GOD is great, he knows excatly what we need. So pray and seek him ONLY, don`t ask EVERYONE their opnion, because that will get you off focus on what you need to be doing. Just keep your eyes on God. Seek his face, and he will tell what to do. It`s good to ask for help, but too many idea`s opnions of what to do will get you off the path you need to be on.

Good luck, I`ll be praying for you

I believe its something you have to decide for yourself. Everyone is different, so you cant be asking other people to help you make what will be one of the biggest decisions of your life.
If you are having any doubts about it, then wait and see. Its better to put it off for awhile to make sure, then jump into it just to find out you made a mistake.

Sorry if that sounded really patronizing or anything : )

I recommend waiting. Enjoy the college years because you can`t replace them. Marriage is for the rest of your life. Although marriage will have many great aspects, now is the time to enjoy this part of your life. I have seen a couple close friends marry young and I personally feel that they missed out on some crucial life experiences. Good Luck!

I am also curious on what the research says about why the divorce rate is so high if you live together before marriage.
My FH and I have been together for 3 years and we got engaged last february and moved in together last April.
When me and my FH were having pre-marriage counselling with my priest he also told us that divorce rate increases. Well like I said to him, wouldn`t you want to know exactly what your getting into before you vow to be with him forever.
I guess I just don`t understand why?
The first few years are still honeymoon stages. Well after that everything comes out, well don`t you want ALL of it to come out before you get married and get into something you can`t even stand being with anymore after you found stuff out that you never realized about that person. Do you understand what that means?
I love my FH very much, and yeah i found out all his annoying habits when we moved in togher and yeah i thought they were cute right away, and then reality hit. In this case, im still madly in love with him. But in some cases people get annoyed and thats when fights start. I`ve seen it happen, and thats how some divorces happen.
Not saying your research is wrong, but i wanted to share my opinion.