Humiliated Or Bad Wedding Stories - Help!!

Well, that`s pretty messed up, but sometimes guys just do really, really stupid things. Is he normally a really impulsive person? Is he easily influenced by his friends? Does he seem to crave others` attemtion? If yes, then maybe he just had an idiot moment and you just need to make it clear that this behavior was not acceptable, and never will be. Then he should do something to make up for totally mortifying you (dinner..jewlry..he cleanc the house regularily for a year..whatever works for you.) But...this behavior is also criminal. Even if you think this never happened before, and will never happen again, he needs to understand that what he did is not an acceptable means of expressing himself. Talking to a professional, even just once, could help him. If you are creeped out, he needs to get counselling. If he does it again, or engages in any other unacceptable behavior, you need to take your daughter and LEAVE him or enroll him in some intensive therapy or have him arrested. If you are worried, but don`t want to do anything drastic yet, don`t let your daughter be alone around him umtil you can study the situation further. Whatever you choose, go with your gut. If things feel wrong, leave him now and report his behavior. You definitely need to think of your daughter first, but if he was just being stupid, you can work through this with communication.

I can say I don`t find him impulsive but he does seem to need to try and joke or make others laugh all the time, he definitely craves attention. But he is at his wedding how much more attention do you need, everyone is there to celebrate us.... But I told him he must talk to a doctor and I plan to as well. He keeps saying sorry and saying it was stupid but that was more them stupid it was disgusting!! Perhaps it was an ongoing joke from the night before but again not funny or normal. The night before his good friend tells me at the rehersal dinner that my new hubby showed him his monkey brains. Now this guy was over his house trying on tux and he was on the phone and my new hubby thought that showing him his "monkey brains" would make him laugh. When his friend told me this I asked my hubby what is wrong with you? How would that ever be funny, I said there is something wrong with you - but I let it go because we were getting married the next day and it was at his house and thought it was just something stupid but in the midst of our reception???????
As far as my daughter, i already told him that since I can`t trust him in front of all our family and friends, I will not leave him alone with her for a very long time. How am I to know if he feels compulsive and a friend stops by and he wants to make them laugh.... I am also a formerly abused child and have always been extra cautious of her and now he caused his own issues. SO even if he has esteem issues and craves attention he still needs to know that any type of behavior like that is wrong. I just need to go and get help on how to deal with this because my pain is so extreme and I need help to get through this, thanks!!

Wow. Lighten up honey. Guys like to do things that they consider fun and stupid. As a woman this is something that you`ll never understand anyway so GET OVER IT!.
He probalby wasn`t even aware that there were children nearby. Also, how well did you really know this guy before marrying him??? Sounds like you didn`t. Now you`re making him uncomfortable because he can`t be around your daughter and you want him to have counseling??? This poor guy...what probably started as a harmless joke around a bunch of guys has got you thinking he`s a pedophile! What the hell is wrong with you??? Divorce him and move on. Dragging out this situation is a petty form of emotional manipulation from you. How old did you say you were???
If he drops his drawers in public every day I would say you some real issues to consider but he hasn`t.
Judging from the fact that you have a kid but your husband isn`t the father, I would say that you have some real hardcore problems with commitment and emotional intimacy. I think you were living in a fairy world before you got married and now that you are YOU"RE FREAKIN OUT! Instead of dealing with your own issues you are putting the resposibility on your new husband. I`ll bet you can drag this out to a divorced if you play it right and the best part is you can tell everyone is was HIS fault. I`ll bet that your daughters real father was marginalized and pushed out by the same technique.
Grow up, get over it and move on or get a divorce...when you trash your spouse to others it only reflects back on you and your choices.

Vosar

I actually don`t think he is a pedophile but thanks for your input - I just have to question his judgement on what he may do to make friends chuckle and by the way there were females there that did not find it funny and it was ata main table. My daughter`s father rather drink and party then visit her or pay an ounce of support. So I won`t take anything you have to offer to heart. I know how people are to behave.... Don`t make nay judgements on mothers who decide to raise their children single......... Their are men out there that are dead beats....... And there are women like that as well.....
I appreciate your opinion but fail to agree that this is anormal stupid thing that a man does at a wedding. And I knew this guy for years we were friends in high school.... All your presumptions were invalid........

Also I have already contacted counselors to help with this issue. He feels that what he did was wrong and he didn`t think and doesn`t believe a counselor will help but I think i is great to try. I am also just looking for ways to overcome such an incident...... We arenot looking to divorce... It is not trashing a person when you are talking about facts and feelings..........

Get over it. He did a stupid thing, lots of people do. The problem isn`t with him, but you. You need to seek counselling for the abuse you suffered, not him for a stupid move. I think your problem isn`t really him but your past. He appologized as he should have, but not wanting to leave him alone with your little girl?! why,, if you have so much distrust for him would you stay married to him? i think that if it was a woman who had flashed her friends, you would not have a problem leaving her alone with your daughter. This leads me to believe that your problem is with the fact that he is a male, and that is what hurt YOU in the past. Seek counselling to deal with you issues with males, but for gosh sakes, stop blaming you husband and punishing him for such a little error in judgement. If you do this, your marraige WILL suffer. He doesn`t need to attend the counselling with you, but he should support your decision to go. Just remember, let it go. He made a mistake. He is aware of it and sorry for it. He didn`t commit murder or molest your little girt. He will not do so either. Don`t associate him with your molestor, or you will never have a happy marraige. Good luck to you

Wow, some of these chicks need to chill out! Look, what I was trying to say before is that this is more than likely just a mistake, everybody makes them, some mistakes are just a lot more public than others. The problem is, that when peole are sick in their heads, they get away with stuff because people blow it off as someone just making a joke or fooling around. So, you need to decide whether this is a big deal or not. You should talk to a counselor about your past no matter what happens, and mention this episode. A professional who has gotten to know you would probably be able to help you get a better perspective on the situation, and help you decide if this is a serious problem with your man, just a mistake, or a compatability issue between the two of you. Does your husband know about your past? If you plan on staying with him, he deserves total honesty, and maybe this would help him be more sensitive in the future. (And now you know that he needs more attention.) Most relationships have problems (obviously), folks work them out, but a smart girl does know where to draw the line.
As far as these nasty @#^%$*& dissing you for being a single mom, %^&* "em. Whatever, don`t even waste your time with that. And to anyone who says you are freaking out over nothing, forget that too. Would it be better to have never asked? (in spite of how hurtful written words can be, we don`t know you, we never will, you are safe in anonymity) In ten years, would this still bother you if you never got it out of your system? Talking about things and asking questions is HEALTHY for god`s sake! You didn`t have him arrested, you didn`t kick him out, you were just looking for advice. He probaly is a great guy, but if he did turn out to be a pedophile, wouldn`t you feel like dirt if you had kept quiet? Maybe you didn`t know as much about him as you should have before you got married, but now you have all the time in the world to find out, right? Live and learn. Good luck!

Look girls, this is a wedding site. You should quit getting all angry about the things that are said. People who read this stuff are not looking to read a fight on disagreements and people getting offended. All they want is advice, but not angry advice. Sounding from the dialect you guys chose you all sound pretty old. Well not old (sorry), just all around the same age. You know in your thirties and whatnot. Please try too keep this a happy time for us younger brides and graciously give us a happy search.
I do believe that what your new husband did was wrong, but I do not believe that he should not be sent off to a counselor. My man does some pretty stupid things also, but that does not mean he needs counseling. Sure he should not have done that on your wedding, but have you considered how you would have reacted if it was just around you and your friends? If it was done in a more relaxed environment? You might just be over reacting because he spoiled your big day, which is something I understand. No matter what I do not believe that there is any reason to fear for your daughter. Although, I am not a mother so I would not know for sure.

My message was written a few days after the wedding and I was just seeking advice. We have decided to go speak to someone just so we are sure are feelings are properly heard and addressed. I do not feel he is some freak or perv but was worried from the lack in judgement. Also, I don`t want to ever give any ammunition to my daughter`s father if he one day decides to have a custody battle. I know it was a poor act for the wedding but we are going to try and focus on a good future. He is a great person and that is why I married him and now that I am feeling a little better, I am being a little more understanding. I never should have posted it but I was just so hurt and humilated that I was trying to deal with my emotions. I thought some fellow brides or brides to be may show some compassion. I was looking for positive advice...
Thanks!

Hey D - I can empathize with your situation....people always do stupid things when they are drunk and with "the boys"...but as for "T"`s comment - how old are you? 16 or close to it? Who are you to say that "older" brides are spoiling your good ol` times on the message board? Get over yourself already. You`re the one sounding like a young spoiled mini-pop. Maybe you need to mature a little before you can participate with the big girls.

Well my husband didn`t even come home on our wedding night. He stayed up all night long partying with his friends, and when I confronted him about it, he went back to sleep. He doesn`t even care how I feel. I told him to come to bed with me, and he didn`t even turn around. I went to bed alone that night, and it`s a year later now, I tried to get over it but I am still mad that he ruined my wedding night. It was supposed to be such a special day and he didn`t make me feel special once....... I cried all night to myself on my wedding night. When he finally came to bed about 6:30am I yelled at him, he begged for me not to be mad. But here a year later I am pissed off everytime I think about my wedding day. So many brides are happy on their wedding day, but me, I was miserable. Why can`t men think about anyone but themselves?? Men any answers to this one???

Meme,

If you were married a year ago, why are you still looking on this message board?

Just wondering.

I was looking for worse stories than my own to help me understand the selfish nature of men and see if I should get over it or if this guy really just cares about himself, in which case I won`t waiste anymore of my time..... I don`t feel that I am referring to all men, by the way some are very sensitive to women`s feelings, do they change, is it how they are raised, or do some just never figure it out. I cannot live with him if he cannot put me first, we have a 4 year old son that keeps me trying.

Well I was married about 41/2 years ago(now divorced but not because of what he did at the reception) and my husband at the time decided to pull his pants down and dance around the room in his boxers. With all my family and friends and his family and friends. I couldn`t believe this. I was shocked but I realized he was just so happy to be married he got a little carried away and was having fun. We joked about it for a while. Then I got some of my pictures back from the photographer and was shocked when most of the reception pictures had my husband in them with his pants down around his ankles. Thats my horror story.

I am now engaged to get married in Feb. Of 2005 and I know that my fiance will not be pulling his pants down.

Guys do things sometimes at the wrong times just because. JUST BECAUSE!!

Just make sure that if he urinates on the carpet you rub his nose in it. That is all the advice I have to give.