Letter To Call Off Wedding
I have a dear friend who is engaged. He cannot tell her he loves her. He feels much more compatible with someone else, but is afraid to tell her (the fiance). The fiance and he met 14 years ago, broke up and then they came back into each others lives about a year ago. She convinced him that they should get married, no she`s not pregnant, and because of all the other stresses in his life he was worn down and agreed. They live in separate states. She is not making any compromises - he was told he has to sell his business, leave all his friends and family and move to another state, because she won`t. She has a nursing job which is moveable to any state. The wedding is in 3 weeks and he is so stressed about it. He is afraid of the embarassment and cost to his family and himself if he calls it off. Many have purchased plane tickets, etc. Please help me to give him some suggestions on what to write in a letter to her and to his friends and relatives. His fiance won`t listen to anything negative about their relationship. He has told the other woman he is more compatible with about all this. They`re all Christians.
Posted by Christine; updated 09/11/03
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He shouldn`t go through with it. He will be miserable forever. It will be so much easier for him to do it now rather than them have kids and down the road doing it then. Tell him to explain to her regardless of the plans the wedding will be totally fake and that isn`t fair to him or her or their guest. She won`t like to hear anything but he is going to have to do it. If he is Christian he will know that it isn`t right to go before God without an honest heart, and that is what will happen and he will than feel stuck. It will save alot more heartache and money if he nips it in the bud right now.
GOOD LUCK! I will keep him in my prayers.
Posted by Carissa; updated 09/11/03
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Carissa,
Thank you so much for your suggestions and especially for the prayers!!!
Posted by Christine; updated 09/11/03
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Christine,
First of all what kind of man is this friend of yours? Come on it takes two....she convinced him to marry her? he has to move because she said so? This all seems CRAZY to me. And don`t even tell me he doesn`t have the b*alls to contact this woman. The wedding is in 3 weeks and he is going to write her a letter? I`m not saying that he should stay with her if he truly is not in love with her but come on, the very least he can do is call her on the phone, though the MANLY thing to do would be to do it in person. Can I ask if by any chance you are the the person he is more compatable with and you are afraid if he sees her he will again change his mind yet again. He sounds like
A total wimp, get out while you can!
Posted by Bethy; updated 09/11/03
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He has a disease called Fibromyalgia. Under stress one with this disease develops "Fibrofog." It SEVERELY diminishes one`s clear thinking and memory. One with this disease is also in chronic pain, 24 hours per day, 7 days a week. They rarely sleep more than 2 hours at a time and never does it get to REM sleep. Stress compounds the problem, let alone one`s thinking. He has this, because of a near fatal car accident 4 years ago. He broke every bone in his face. He had 50 stitches in his head. He has partial hearing loss in his left ear where his head impacted the window and steering wheel. She is a manipulator. No, I`m not the "other woman" but she has called me and told me to stay away from him. Each and every time he has tried to talk to her on the phone, she starts to cry, then yell and then hang up. I have tried to encourage him to confront her. I have tried to encourage him to deal with this. I have seen him the last 4 years as he has tried to deal with this disease too. He is more concerned about the embarassment at this point. When someone is in duress that is the worst time to leave them. There is no way I will be a "fair weather friend."
Posted by Chrisine; updated 09/11/03
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I think he should just point blank tell her that he does not want to marry her. I don`t understand why that is so hard. Especially if she whines and kicks and screams! Can you imagine what a marriage to her will be like if he actually goes through with it? Once he has notified her that he is not going through with it, announcements should go out to all guests. This should make it clear to her that he meant what he said. For crying out loud, she`s out of state, he can just screen his calls and not deal with her once it`s broken off.
This is the proper wording for calling off a wedding, if it helps.
Depending on who sent out the initial invites:
Mr. And Mrs. ------- announce that
The engagement of their daughter
------------ and Mr. -----------------
Has been ended by mutual consent.
Or
Mr. _____________
Would like to announce that
The marriage to ________
Will no longer take place
Posted by JK; updated 09/11/03
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If he wants to write a letter then he should just be as open and honest with his feelings as he can. Explain that he does not love her, that marriage is not something entered into lightly, that he wishes her well and that they both deserve true love on their wedding days. He should do this the sooner the better.
That is unless he is unsure he wants to marry her, then its ok for him to explain this and just postpone the wedding.
Posted by Vanessa; updated 09/12/03
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I am currently engaged to a man who kind of went through the same thing... He asked his ex girlfriend if she would marry him... She didnt want too, BUT she said yes... And 10 years later she told him she wanted out.. That she was not happy and never was happy... It was horrible because they have 2 kids together and it was horrible watching those children go through what they did... BUT he is with me now ! LOL So I wont complain..
My point is,,, IF he knows she isnt going to make him happy then he should not do it... No matter what the costs were.. Those plane tickets can be used for something else? IF they are refundable *some are* they can get their money back..
NOt sure why his fiance is telling him that SHE wont leave her state to be with him, but he has to leave his to be with her.. It sounds a little one sided and she sounds a little controlling... BUT what I see is she obviously doesnt love him enough to pack her bags and leave to be with him... Marriage isnt a ONE sided deal... Its two.. She hasnt yet realized that... I dont think he should be marrying someone he is not comfortable marrying... I wish him luck!!
Holly
Posted by Holly; updated 09/12/03
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I am currently engaged to a man who kind of went through the same thing... He asked his ex girlfriend if she would marry him... She didnt want too, BUT she said yes... And 10 years later she told him she wanted out.. That she was not happy and never was happy... It was horrible because they have 2 kids together and it was horrible watching those children go through what they did... BUT he is with me now ! LOL So I wont complain..
My point is,,, IF he knows she isnt going to make him happy then he should not do it... No matter what the costs were.. Those plane tickets can be used for something else? IF they are refundable *some are* they can get their money back..
NOt sure why his fiance is telling him that SHE wont leave her state to be with him, but he has to leave his to be with her.. It sounds a little one sided and she sounds a little controlling... BUT what I see is she obviously doesnt love him enough to pack her bags and leave to be with him... Marriage isnt a ONE sided deal... Its two.. She hasnt yet realized that... I dont think he should be marrying someone he is not comfortable marrying... I wish him luck!!
Holly
Posted by Holly; updated 09/12/03
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Thank you all so much for your honesty and suggestions. I will mention them all to him this weekend. I am also doing some BIG TIME praying for both of them. Thank you again, Christine
Posted by Christine; updated 09/12/03
