Wedding After Marriage

My fiancé and I are going to have a simple civil ceremony (us and our witnesses) when he is in town for a couple of weeks on leave from Iraq. We`ve been living together for a while, but I too want the princess wedding which we will have once he returns for good. I don`t think it`s wrong at all. I`m going to have my father walk me down the aisle, I`m going to wear a white dress . . .the whole nine. I think that you should definitely do it, otherwise years down the road when you have no pictures to look at or share, you will regret it.

About the gifts, just as in a first wedding, don`t mention them at all. It is still rude. If people want to bring a gift, it is up to them.

Thanks for the input and kind words. I had mentioned to my mother that this is something that I wanted to do, and she asked me who I thought would come because most of my family is six hours away. She basically said that she wouldn`t, so now I am having second thoughts. It is alot of money to spend on making a memory that my mother has so obviously stated is a waste. I am still trying to think it through, before making any rash decisions. Thanks again for the kind words.

I think your mother is wrong. It is not her memory to have, it`s yours. If you want the wedding, have it. People will travel if invited. You may not get everyone (including your mother - which by the way makes her very selfish, your her daughter she should be willing to travel to your special day) but you will get some. Weddings do cost money, but you get memories that last a lifetime. Your idea is neither stupid nor selfish and anyone who cares about you would see it as an investment in your happiness.

I am having a "second " wedding myself and I actually had a church wedding the first time. The whole thing was horrible the first time. It was thrown together in 2 weeks and my family was a pain and my husband wouldn`t help either and I HATED it. I WANTED to postpone and wish I had stood my ground for a real nice wedding. So now I`m planning a second and could care less about anything except I want a pretty dress and want it romantic and want a nice picture. So what I am doing is sinking my money into a beautiful dress for me , a nice tux for my husband and choosing a beautiful public setting and having a clergyman come there and perform a renewing of vows. I`m only inviting a couple people and am am planing on waltzing the group into a great place all dolled up afterward. HAHAHAHAHA I can remember seeing other wedding groups on the dancefloors of public places when I was out thinking how good they all looked and Now I`m going to be that group everyone looks at :). So basically I`m only spending money of our clothes the clergyman , a small fee for a public spot, a couple bucks for film for friends to take pictures, and a tab for us and a few friends for drinks that night. Actually my friends all tell me they can pay for themselves for the after partying, but i think I might spring for it anyway. It should only run me about $1000 for the whole wedding and drinks afterward because I`m buying the gown second hand.
So now I have my beautiful pictures, and get to dance in my wedding gown which is all I really wanted the first time.

When you invite your friends and family, just make sure you stress to them how important this is to you and how you regret that they were not part of your happiness the first time around. Put this way, I`m sure most will make every effort to attend. I am sorry your mother feels the way she does. Perhaps as the day draws closer she will change her mind. Although you would like her there, don`t let it ruin your happy day (she wasn`t there the first time either and I`m sure you were still happy).

I agree with Jackie. Due to medical reasons, ( fiance is having major surgery and wants me to be taken care of should anything happen) we will be getting married before our "wedding". We will be having a Notary marry us beforehand in a ceremony for basically just us. We live together anyway so most people won`t even realize we are married before the wedding. After his recovery, we will be having a small wedding on the beach for all our close friends and family. We wanted to include our children and a few other relatives many of whom live out of town. This way they get to be involved, we get the wedding we want and everyone is happy.
If you want to spend the money on a wedding, do it. You can always call it a renewal ceremony if you want. Do everything they way YOU want it not the way people say you should. Wear white if you want, have the cake and all. It`s your day . Don`t let anyone dictate how it should be.

Thanks for all your kind words. I have plenty of time to think everything through and weigh all of my options, as I was hoping to do it on my fifth anniversary which isn`t for 11/2 years. Thanks again, I appreciate all the support. It is nice to know that when you can`t get the kind words from ones own family that you can hop on the internet and find the encouragement that you desire.