Help A Bride With A Problem, Please
Ok, hear me out before anyone gets upset or judges me. I got engaged in April 03. We set our wedding date for June 26 2004. I`m SOOO excited. I asked my good friend to be my maid of honor, of course she has accepted. Here`s the problem. She never talks about the wedding, she has missed 2 appointmentss to go with me to try on wedding dresses. She is so busy trying to find a man and a relationship that she has not been there for me at all! Here is the kicker. She is not working, she received her last unemployment check, her phone was cut off, she has 2 children and no income. How can she possibly be there for me? How do I tell her that I perfer if she gets her life in order and not to worry about me and the wedding without hurting her feelings. I`m not changing my mind about her because of the finances totally (although that does play a big part inmy decision)but because she has so many other things to worry about and she should not have to worry about me and my wedding. There are things a bride needs from a maid of honor and she is not emotionally able to handle those duties right now. My wedding is the most important day in my life and I want my maid of honor to feel the same way. I don`t to feel bad that I have to go for a fitting and she can`t afford to come or even buy her dress. Help, what do I do??? Please it`s my wedding day, don`t I have a right to be a little selfish about my needs and wants????
Posted by Bride Needs Help; updated 09/04/03
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I completely agree with you! You have to do whatever you`re feeling - go with your gut. You`re right in saying that there are certain responsibilities a MoH has, some of those are financial issues. But most importantly, I think you are being very unselfish in recognizing that she does need time to straighten out her own life. And furthermore - it IS your day. You deserve to be a priority.
Posted by Heather; updated 09/04/03
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I`m not sure if your friend would find this offensive or not, but what if you had a different maid of honor and she was the matron of honor. Matron would be perfectly acceptable since as you mentioned, she is a mother of two. I attended a wedding which had both. Your friend could play a lesser role responsibility-wise and really the only worry left would be the dress.
Posted by Marcie; updated 09/04/03
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Hi
I agree.. You need to go with what your heart is telling you.. I had the same problem, but the Maid of Honor I chose the first time didnt have finance problems.. She just met a man and was never here for me... So I had to do what my heart was saying and tell her that I would rather her not be my MOH.. That I needed someone who was going to be there through everything Ihave coming my way... She was not upset at all... Which was great... So it was a lot easier for me.. AT first I was nervous about telling her as she will son be my SIL.. But you have to do what your heart tells you to do...
Good Luck
Holly
Posted by Holly; updated 09/05/03
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Hi,
I was hoping that someone from the Syracuse New York area would know of a place to rent that allows me to do my own caterer. I would like to rent out a hall of some sort. If anyone knows of any nice halls in this area please contact me at akb1red@aol.com. Thank you. Cathy
Posted by CATHY; updated 09/16/03
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I`m curious -- have you sat down and talked to your MOH and told her how you`re feeling and what your concerns are? Have you explained to her what your expectations of her are? The reason I ask is because it`s obviously a sensitive issue and is often hard to broach with a good friend. I feel bad for you because you`re in a bad position and it`s hard to decide what to do.
Personally, I`d sit down with this person and let her know how you are feeling and ask her if she is able to fulfill your expectations for a MOH. Give her an opportunity to talk to you about the situation so both of you understand where each is coming from. Also, your MOH may not know how behavior is coming across to others -- she may think nothing is wrong.
I do understand what sort of situation you are in and I sympathize with you. I can relate with this probelm quite well -- my MOH just had her first baby and that is all she ever talks about (which I understand to a point) and she is not assisting me at all with my wedding (which is coming up in less than 3 months and there are alot of things I need her to help with).
Hopefully things turn out the way you need/want them to and that your wedding is everything you ever dreamed of!
Posted by Kay; updated 09/17/03
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A lot of women do not know what it means to be maid of honor. They think that it means you get to get pretty and stand next to the bride. That all the other stuff that is involved with the position is a myth or something. ::smiles:: I am my mother’s maid of honor and I have not even been married yet. I am really finding out what it means so when I get married I know not to make your mistake. Sorry if that sounds wrong, I am not trying to sound like a B*#&$. I am doing everything from shopping with her, to finances, to planning, to baking the cake, and decorating. She is getting married next Sunday and I know I am going to be ready to go to sleep, with all the work I still have ahead of me. Although I know how much this means for my mother and father to finally get married and it makes it all worth it!
Posted by T; updated 09/22/03
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I hope you made a decsion to find a new MOH. I realize it`s a hard choice but as a wedding photographer for more than 7 years I can attest to the problems it will create on your wedding day. Especially if her children are also going to be part of the wedding. You want your wedding day to flow smoothly just like in the movies and if your crew isn`t on the same page feelings may get hurt worse and the memories of your wedding day will be ones of stress and frustration.
Posted by Kelly; updated 09/24/03
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I would just be honest with her..tell her that you feel you need more help and that you think maybe this is just adding to her problems right now...make it look more like your`re doing her a favor..she might even prefer not to be in the wedding b/c of finances but she doesn`t know how to tell you either...give her another job for the wedding..guest book..personal assistant...that way she can be apart of it but it`ll take the presure off you and her.....she`ll understand....
Posted by Aubri; updated 09/26/03
