Kids At Reception. What Now?

Try maybe making arrangements for those that have children to have a babysitter at a site nearby where the wedding will be but the children will not be FREE to run. It will put the parents at ease. Try setting up a area with a TV/VCR with videos, having some books, smaller toys like Bubbles & Balloons & Coloring Books & Stickers. If you go to sites like NIck Jr. & the Disney Channel you can print Coloring Pages & activities for them. Go to the Library & check out some books. At our wedding I kow there will be Some Children but I plan to have things they can do set up in a separate area with a vcr/tv, coloring books with Washable crayons, Bubbles, & stickers for them to entertain themselves with as the adultrs enjoy the Wedding itself.
Tami

I think if her parents are paying for it then they have a right to invite whomever they wish. Hopefully they will listen to your request but ultimately they are entitled to their guest list too if it`s their money.

If her parents are paying, then they can invite whomever they want. And since when did age entitle you to being a part of the family. I never realized that you didn`t belong to one until you were 16, i always thought you were born into one. I would take the advice of the first reply and provide them with activities. Personally, if amount of people was a problem, i would invite my sisters children over my best friend even, blood is thicker than water.

I don`t think he is talking about the parents paying for everything and on top of that, it`s still his and his fiance`s wedding. And for that amount of people he`s probably not talking about first cousins or nieces...

This is a wedding. Not a family reunion. Not a picnic at the park or zoo (where animals tend to behave better nowadays). Not a graduation party or communion. Believe it or not children do not have to be involved in everything that you do. That doesn`t mean that you don`t love them.

You have to be an adult to be wed, then only adults should be at the wedding as far as I`m concerned. Everyone doesn`t think this way, so if you want kids, then by all means, but to say people are bad for not wanting them there...that`s ridiculous.

Oh, blood isn`t always thicker than water. Adoptions ring a bell? I`d sooner have my best friend at my wedding than `Cousin Mark` slobbering drunk by 7:00 yelling `Free Bird!` to the DJ. All the while his 10 year old daughter is sticking her hands in the wedding cake after peeing in the bathroom and not washing up.

M, you just need to communicate with everyone involved in financing this thing and find some middle ground, maybe following some of the above suggestions as compromise. But just because they`re contributing, doesn`t mean they have final word in everything either. Be patient. Be understanding. Be tactful. But don`t bend over for everything either.

I beg to differ with you. I feel that a wedding IS a family reunion of sorts. What other times are all the relatives gathered in one place to see each other and share a joyous occasion? Weddings are all about family.

That is the way many people feel. I`m not saying that everyone has to feel this way, and if you pay for your own wedding then it is definitely up to you. But if the parents are paying for the wedding then they can invite who they want. Also your fiancee wants the children to come, so it`s obviously important to her. Maybe you can come to a compromise like limiting the children to nothing more extended than first cousins for instance, so as to keep the number to a reasonable figure.

For the record, i NEVER called anyone bad for not wanting children at the wedding, so don`t put words in my mouth. A wedding is no different from a family reunion or a birthday party or whatever, it is a time for a FAMILY (whether biological or not - i never said adoptees weren`t family), to get together and celebrate a joyeous moment in their lives. I said family is more important than friends, and i never said don`t invite friends, i said i would invite neices and nephews over friends if i had to make the choice. But yes, her parents are paying so they have a right to invite whomever they choose. If they weren`t paying, then they would have no say, and since they are, they do. His fiancee wants the kids there anyhow, so there should be no arguement. IT"S HER WEDDING TOO... I suggest before you comment on someone`s reply that you read it fully and don`t turn around the facts of their message

It sounds like one of the biggest concerns is the budget. Perhaps if you ask # of children attending on the RSVP. A separate inexpensive meal could be planned for the kids (most kids wouldn`t want salmon or whatever meal is planned anyway). This way it would even look as if you`re catering specifically to the kids, who in my opinion add to the festiveness of any wedding.

Gees you sound like you are having a big wedding, when i sent my invites out i addressed only the adults (Mr & Mrs smith) this to me means only those listed on the invite, in saying this i had no problem with kids being at my wedding but i just did not want to advertise it, im having a wedding of about 100 guests and out of that i have had 6 ask if they could bring there children, i said yes. I did not mind as long as i was asked. I think really it would depend on what your family was like, most of mine jumped at the change of having a day off with out there children, and most of the time you will find this. My cousin is getting married not long after me and she has requested no childen at hers which is fine, but it will mean me and my newly wedded husband will not be able to attend as all my family will be there and we will have no baby sitter, but i do respect her ask. I hope it all works well, cheers

Thanks everyone for your input. I didn`t realize it would cause such a stir! Sarah, you need to calm down a little. If you want to get technical, Mr. Joe never said it was you that said anything. He implied it, but you made some implications yourself.

Well, we haven`t continued the discussion on guest lists, etc., yet. But to clarify things, her parents aren`t the only ones paying. My family is paying, I`m paying, my fiance is paying, her parents will be paying. I can`t tell my half `Adults Only` while her half invites children just because they help pay for the event. I actually looked into the `proper wedding ediquette` in this situation on various web sites, and all conclude it is our wedding, we decide who gets invited and who doesn`t.

So it`ll have to be our compromise. Like I said, if children come, my widdled list of 150 becomes 200 again. It`s getting too big. I don`t believe that the children should come before friends either. My friends are involved in my life nearly every day. I can`t name most of my cousins` children.

I agree with Vicky in that it is a family reunion OF SORTS. But it`s not a reunion in a park, where children run free, play, and you make a DAY of it. A wedding is, or more accurately, MY wedding is in the evening to late hours. Children shouldn`t be up that late. Children shouldn`t be in a bar or club, which is pretty much what this will be like once dinner is finished.

Oh well, we`ll see how she feels once we start having to make cuts and sort through it. The more immediate need is to find the church and hall availability.

Thanks again everyone.

M,

You could have a separate party for the children in another room.

Hire a magician, a clown, or a disc jockey/gamemaster.

Check out this link to see what I mean.

Http://www.glenndavidproductions.com/childrenparties.htm

Kind regards,
Glenn

I`m also agreeing that weddings are about family and children are part of the family. Everyone has their own preference on that though. However I`m not sure where you got your information from. If her parents are paying for their guests then they get to choose their guests.

Anyway, I`m not crazy about the last idea. If you are going to isolate the children in another room to have their own private party and hire a clown or magician for them, then you might as well save the expense and not invite them at all. If you want to invite them to the wedding then invite them and let them in!

Wow, this is quite the heated topic!

Here are my thoughts --I am getting married this December and would prefer to not have children at my wedding or reception. This is just my personal preference. Although I love children and want some someday I would prefer that they not attend my wedding. I`ve been to too many weddings where a baby cries during the vows, or a three year old decides to run around the church during the ceremony yelling at the top of their lungs. Of course there are also children who behave perfectly and you don`t even know that they are there....but the wild ones tend to ruin it for all kids.

In regards to social etiquette, it is acceptable to put on your invitations "An Adult Affair" however, some people will opt to bring their children regardless.

If the bride, groom, and all other `paying decision makers` agree to not invite children I would just recommend that you be sure to stay consistent. Don`t make exceptions for some children because they are `special.`

The bottom line is that some people will bring their children anyways and ignore the "Adult Affair" part of the invitation.

We are also having some children at our wedding. Three of our best friends since childhood (we are 36) have three children each! :0 To us our friends are very special and their children are part of them. Although it killed me that the caterer will be charging the same as an adult (28 per person)
We are starting a new life and what is important in our new life is to incorporate family and friends and strengthen those relationships that are so dear. My Caterer will be using food stations and one of the stations will have chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, and macaroni and cheese. She is also placing a big candy engagement ring on their plates. I plan to set up a separate table with activities for the kinds. They will eat with their parents but when they become antsy and bored they can run to the activity table and back. No matter how it goes I know it will be wonderful, because it is our wedding. : ) Good luck.