Can I Ask A Dumb Question?

Yes I most definitely ask the bridesmaids to jump in and help.Explain to them you can`t pay the entire amount yourself.

The bride should have no say in the planning of her own shower, other than to give you the names and addresses for the guest list. The bride doesn`t have any right to tell you where or what kind of shower to give her. You decide where you want and can afford to host the shower and then do it. And definitely have the bridesmaids go in on it with you.

Thanks for your reply. I am not sure if she is having any
Other bridesmaids. I guess we should figure that out first. It will be a rather small wedding (50 people). She is in the beginning stages of planning. She has not asked anyone else yet but she is thinking about it. I will keep in mind what you said.

It doesn`t have to be bridesmaids then. Anyone can give a shower. Ask a couple of the close friends to go in on the shower with you.

You do not have to throw her a shower just because you are her MOH. If you do decide to do so, you can ask the other bridesmaids if they`d like to throw her a shower with you. If the guest list is too long- let her know, talk to her now about the type of shower you have in mind and how many people fit into that budget. You have to communicate and compromise. Otherwise you`ll be broke and she probably still won`t be happy.
Talk to her about less expensive places to have it, limiting the guest list and if she has any aunts, ect. Who can help with food and decorations. A shower can be thrown with lots of love and flair on a low budget. It`s not a fundraiser. It`s a time to celebrate her new role as a wife and give her gifts that will help her enjoy it. Good Luck!

This is a little long- but it should answer some questions and maybe provide some ideas.

The Etiquette of Wedding Showers.
In response to your inquiries, WeddingChannel.com`s etiquette expert Peggy Post has chosen to address this interesting and complex question.


GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR WEDDING SHOWERS
Format: A shower can take whatever form the host/hostess desires: a morning coffee or brunch; a luncheon; a tea; a cocktail party; or a dinner party. A shower may be held on any day of the week that is convenient for the guest of honor, the hostess, and the majority of guests.

Timing: Ideally, showers are held from two months to two weeks before the wedding. A shower held too close to the wedding date might be more of an inconvenience than a party for the bride. One that occurs too early might be before the couple knows what they need or before the wedding plans are firm, thus taking place without much of the excitement that surrounds a shower.

Hosting: Any friend of the bride or groom may offer to host a shower. Often, it`s one of the attendants or the maid-of-honor who wishes to hostess, and they might even decide to host the shower jointly. It`s important to note, however, that bridesmaids are not "required" to host a shower. It`s their choice, not a "must," to give a shower. Traditionally, the bride or groom`s immediate family members do not host a shower, as doing so can appear self-serving. But this rule of etiquette is often acceptably bent these days. Under certain circumstances - such as when a bride lives far away from her family or is visiting her future family prior to the wedding -- the groom`s sisters or mother may appropriately host a shower.

Guest List: The shower guest list is generally made up of close friends, attendants and family members. Normally, anyone invited to a shower is also invited to the wedding. There are exceptions, however, such as when co-workers wish to throw an office shower for the bride even though they`re not invited the main event. Attendants and mothers of the bride and groom are generally included in any showers given for the bride or the couple, but they are not required to bring gifts to each party if there is more then one. It is also important that the same guests are not invited to multiple showers -- an invitation to several parties puts a serious strain on guests` budgets. In fact, showers for the bride and/or groom should be limited to two, and with different guests invited to each.

Size: Since the hostess is the person footing the bill and providing the space, she also decides on the number of guests. If the shower is not a surprise, she may get input from the bride on the guest list. Keep in mind that a huge shower that includes almost everyone invited to the wedding is in poor taste. The idea of an intimate party is lost, which can often be more of an imposition on those invited than a reason to celebrate.

Themed Showers: While no theme is required for a bridal shower, sometimes a hostess chooses to custom design the festivities. A theme can be lots of fun, but it`s a good idea for the hostess to ask the bride if she`s amenable to a theme. Themes work well for brides and couples who already have the basic necessities, or for those with a hobby that they`re particularly passionate about together. Guests bring gifts related to the selected theme, and the hostess may serve theme-related food and decorate accordingly. Ideas for themes are limitless, but popular choices include: kitchen showers; spa showers; honeymoon showers; gourmet-cooking showers; great-outdoors showers; happy-holidays showers; and recipe showers.

Couples: The strictly all-female wedding shower is not the only option anymore. More and more, grooms and their male friends are included on the guest list in today`s couple`s shower. The choice of whether or not to include men can be made by the hostess (or host), in conjunction with the guests of honor. The party is most likely to be a cocktail party, dinner, or perhaps a cookout or beach party. There are many possibilities.

Invitations: The style of a shower invitation ties in with the type of party. Invitations to wedding showers can be written on commercial fill-in shower cards that are available in a variety of styles. They can also be written on personal notes or informal cards. Invitations can also be designed and printed by a variety of stationery stores, quick printers, and online printing companies. In specific cases, such as very small, last-minute, or office/informal events, invitations may be telephoned or issued in person. Invitations should be sent out three to six weeks before the event. There is usually an RSVP request on the invitation, and guests should make sure that they do indeed let the host know if they`re able to attend.