SOMEONE HELP ME !

Hey J!
Yes you can be strong! There is a saying..the lord brought you to it...the lord will take you through it! The other saying that comes to mind when I read your letter is "money can`t buy you love"..it sounds to me that this guy is already `winning` you do everything for him and he is just walking all over you and using you as his personal doormat.
That is just my impression though that I got from your letter. Two more things...only YOU can make YOU happy! AND...you can`t make anyone else happy if your not happy first sweetie...Sorry I can`t be of more help to you..

Pick your pride up off the floor and walk out NOW while you still have some dignity left. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave. And the longer you stay the more used and depressed you will feel. Get out now and don`t ever think for a moment that all guys are like that. There are plenty of high caliber men who are loving, sincere, loyal and financially stable. Maybe you are looking in the wrong places to meet people. Good luck to you because I know it`s hard. But I promise you it will be even harder if you stay. You can`t change him, you will only end up angry and frustrated.

Thnx becy and jolie i know thnx for the reinforcement im finally begining to build up the balls to let him go which i think he wants which makes me angry but he is definately using me what should i say how should i go about doing it i wanna hurt him like he hurt me i want him to feel the pain the deression

It must be heartbreaking for those of us who are getting married to read posts like this one and the girl who`s fiance cheated on her. We breathe a sigh of relief that it`s not us and wish we could be there in person to help you make the right decision. I`m very angry at this guy for you. I would see how fast I can pack up and leave. Find your own place and revel in your independence. If he knew what was good for him he would come after you but from the sounds of it he`ll be too concerned about who`s going to pay his bills for him! It`s going to be hard to leave, but after a few weeks you`ll stop missing him and wondering if you did the right thing and start getting angry and that`s where your strength comes through. That`s when you realize what you`re worth and that you are never going to settle again. Have you read the "The Wedding is gonig to be called off!" post? You`ll realize it`s not just you and hopefully gain the strength you need to leave this loser. And stop paying his bills!

Call off the wedding honey. You can and should leave this guy. And don`t worry, there are lots of men out there that are still good inside. Your fiancee`s behaviour is a classic symptom of abusive husbands. If you don`t leave, and do it NOW, he WILL start physical abuse down the road. You may say, no, he wouldn`t hit me, but almost every physically abusive relationship starts with the behaviour your describing. It already is abusive so get out while you can. Don`t think for one minute that because he isn`t hitting you that he won`t. Mental, pshycological and social isolation abuse are just as bad. Pick up the pieces of your life and move on. You can always call an abusive women`s hotline (listed in phonebooks) for free counselling for you following the split. Good luck to you.

I completely agree- on this post we can disagree about asking for money, wether siblings should be bridesmaids and if David`s Bridal is really a front for the mafia, but everyone is right to tell you to get up and move out. Don`t wait for him to come home just get your stuff and go. Don`t plan revenge- even though he deserves it. That takes your time and energy and he doesn`t deserve that. You will feel so much better when you don`t have to see him anymore.

God bless you & Good Luck!

Hey J!
The best revenge is to show him how independant you are and how truly happy that you are without him! Other than that...this guy probably won`t be hurt by anything you do..cuz sorry to say sweet ..he probably doesn`t care enough..I don`t mean to be harsh..only that I have gone out with some of the same kind of crud (and knew it..I wasn`t in it for the long hall so didn`t care)that he is! But now....I have found an awsome man who treats me GREAT! So, there are plenty of good ones out there who will treat you the way you deserve! The only thing you should feel bad about is that you stayed as long as you did. And always ask yourself one question and tell yourself one thing! Is he treating me as good as I deserve? Because EVERYONE (YES ESPECIALLY YOU) deserves to be treated with RESPECT< LOVE< and LOYALTY!! So wait for your price charming like I did!! Well worth the wait..believe me!!

I just want you to know that you can leave. If you are not happy now, think how bad it will be in a few months, better yet a few years! I almost married a guy that sounds very similar. I didn`t want to break up because he was all that I had ever known. I was afraid that maybe he was the best I could do. Well, I finally realized that I could do better. I got out of that relationship. I dated a LOT of losers for about a year. Then, I found the love of my life. We have been married a little over a year now. I am so happy. I think back sometimes about the other guy and about how miserable I would have been. You deserve to be treated well. You can find someone who will treat you that way. It may be tough, but you will be better in the end!

Life is very difficult, and with the statistic these days, show that 50 percent of marriages don`t survive. I grew up thinking that I would find my soul mate. Growing up I had a lot of bad relationships, one after another. I lost hope, my self- esteem and independence. I would settle for guys that wouldn`t treat me right, because I lost hope in thinking that there were no good men out there. I hated all the Cinderella movies they fed us as children. But, something hit me, and it was the hardest time of my life. I was going through a break up and I was very scared of being on my own. But, I didn`t give into the fear. I lived on my own and I made strong bonds with girl friends that I could talk to for moral support. I took care of myself for the first time of my life. It was scary, but I could look back and say that I was proud of myself for doing it and surviving it. Some many people say that you have to love yourself before you can love others, and I didn`t believe it until I lived it. It sounds scary to be on your own, especially when you`ve depended on others for so long. The good part of this story is that I have a good ending. After being alone, single I mean. I became independent and happy doing things for myself. I was open minded and positive, which brought positive things to me. I re met a childhood crush, in which we fell in love with each other as soon as we saw one another again. It was magical, and that`s when I believed that there is such a thing as a soul mate. It`s when you are the strongest own your own, positive thinking and especially when your not looking for it, that all your dreams come true. One last thing, I`ve noticed by praying to God, wishing and hoping to find someone; it didn`t come through until the right moment. There is a bigger plan, and it happens when it’s supposed too. Unanswered prayers are unanswered because there not right for you at the moment, because the right thing well come in time. Be patient and strong, follow your heart. J you know that you deserve better, pray if that`s your faith, and if not try to think positive and take the leap of being on your own, you`ll see in time that it was the best thing that you could of done. In case your wondering, my childhood sweetheart and I are getting married this Dec., and I am happier then I`ve ever been. Good luck, and best wishes to you.

You have very low self-esteem.

JP- your story really broke it down for me it was like you read my mind we are suposeto be giving it until te end of september to see if it works out but in the meantime im looking for a place of my own i really appreciate it and im glad your marrying this man it shows that there is true happiness