Broken Engagement
My Fiancée and I have been best friends for 9 years. We started dating roughly 6 months ago and became engaged 2 months into our relationship. I have been a very skeptical person about tying the knot and thought it would be many years before I did something like that. When he and I got together it was completely different...I felt that we connected on a whole new level and that there was nothing that we didn`t know about each other. I was wrong. I have a lot of experience in dating and have had a couple of very long, serious relationships so I know the type of work it takes to make yourself and the other party happy. My Fiancee on the other hand, has had a slew of flings and has never really been involved. Just this past weekend we had an argument about something very trivial and he decided to call off the wedding. We just signed on a house together 1 week ago and he`s ready mentioned putting it in my name. So, we finally sat down and talked and he wants to take some time to gather his thoughts and see what it is that he really wants in life. He still calls, tells me he loves me, and sends me text messages too. I am very confused and very torn up about this situation. He was so sure of his decisions and for 2 years he begged me to date him, now he`s almost running away. Do you think this situation will pass or will he walk away forever? Any advice you can offer would be most appreciated.
-The Almost Bride
Posted by Julie; updated 08/05/03
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This must be a really hard time for you and I empathize. You need to take some time out as well and gather your thoughts as he gathers his. What about him made you change your skepticism into affirmation that you wanted to get married? Obviously the guy has freaked himself out. I would give him the space he needs and when he calls to tell you he loves you, tell him you love him back but let him come back when he`s ready (and get on with your life at the same time). You said he`s never had a serious relationship so imagine the shock of realizing that he proposed and that it`s for real! Not just finally having you after two years of chasing you but it`s for life! Move into your house by yourself and have him help you with bills. After a while, if things aren`t improving, let it go (you`ll have to get a roommate). I`m not lettng him off the hook, I wish for your sake that he had really thought things through before he proposed. Every couple goes through those first few months where it`s a honeymoon period and that`s right when he proposed. I`m sorry that you have to go through this so as you`re getting on make sure you keep the lines of communication open. But don`t wait forever.
Posted by julie; updated 08/05/03
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I would follow your previous reply,`s advice, move into the house and have him help you pay the mortgage. If he refuses to do that, get a roommate and go on with you life, if your getting this type of problems with him now, what`s to tell what the future will bring. God says in his word, that "Every good and every perfect gift is from above, and comes from the "Father" of the lights, in which there is no turning or shadow, so if it`s meant to be, it will happen, if not it will not. Don`t put your life on hold, it`s to short.
Posted by Ines; updated 09/02/03
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I have been in your exact situation, when my fiance broke our engagement 2 months before our wedding. We had built a home and everything done for the wedding when one day, he caught me by suprise and said he could not go through with it. We are also best friends and were together a year before getting engaged. It was a terrible time of confusion for me and if I had any advice to give it is to step back and evaluate what you really want as well. Give yourselves some space and if it is meant to be it will be. Please keep living your life and let him make his own decisions. I did and he came back with a lot of regret.
This happened in March for me and he is currently living in the house and we are doing a lot better. I promise you why it happened is for the best.
Posted by Mandy; updated 10/07/03
