MOGZILLA!!!
I have a huge problem. I have been dating my fiancee for the past 2 years and have always gotten along quite well with his mother. We have always gotten along and she treats me like i`m a daughter she never had. She even says that quite often. That is until we got engaged. I don`t really understand it because my engagement ring is her mother`s (my fiancee`s grandmothers). She gave it to him so that he could propose, and she was so happy that we got engaged. But then she turned into MOGZILLA!!!!!! she has all these ideas of what is right and proper and won`t listen to what my fiancee and i want. She even told me that the tuxedo`s need to be (of all the ugliest colours), brown. My fiancee told her that no way is he wearing brown (he hates it himself), plus how out of date is that? (we are having a summer wedding with lilac and cream as our colours - hydrangeas for flowers). Then she told me that i have to wear long sleeves because my arms are too fat to wear cap sleeves or spaghetti strap (i hate sleeves and i repeat - summer wedding it gets 40 degrees C here in the summer). Then she got all upset when we told her that she could only invite about 50-60 people (we want a small wedding-can`t afford anything more). She provided us with a list of 150 people (my parents are only inviting about 30). Then she expects my folks to pay for all these guests. My fiancee told her that he has no intrest in inviting his 3rd cousins granddaughter (and other such distant reletives) or his mothers accountant (we aren`t having a business wedding, just family and friends. We didn`t even invite our physician who we see all the time). We told her that if she wanted the extra guests that she would have to pay for them, neither my fiancee and I nor my parents can afford all those people. She got all in this snit and said that we didn`t care about what she wanted, we pointed out that she had HER wedding and that this was OUR wedding. Here`s the problem, this was several months ago and we have mended fences with her and can get along quite well as long as we don`t talk about the wedding (which is 2 years off). I would love to include her in the planning because i do respect her and like her (up to this incident), as well as the fact that she doesn`t have a daughter and this may be her only chance to be involved in planning a wedding (which i know she would love). I just want to remain cordial and on good terms with her and involve her, but i am scared that if i do i will not have the wedding that my fiancee and I want, but a remake of what she wanted for her wedding (brown tuxedo`s and all). How can i include her without losing control of the planning myself or hurting her feelings (as she thinks we have done by saying no to some - not all - of her ideas)?
HELP
Any suggestions would be great.
Is anyone else going through similar fights (i never in a million thought that this would happen)?
Posted by Sarah; updated 08/01/03
Reply
Hi Sarah,
What!!?? you don`t think brown will go with cream and lilac??
LOL!! Just kidding
The only thing that I could think of is give her control of the things that don`t have to be exactly as you`d like. Let her choose the favors, or the cake, or let her pick out the invitations, color of the table linens, guest book and pen, other decorations. Or narrow down the options that you want and let her pick out of the two of whatever...
Not sure if this helped, but I hope so .
Good luck and congratulations! :)
Posted by Becky; updated 08/02/03
Reply
Well at least with 2 years she should have time to get used to things. I agree, ask for her help with things- maybe in a stricter framework. Instead of asking what she likes ask what she thinks matches better or which of these 3 things would look best but not be to much work. I would definitely limit her guest list to close friends and immediate family. You don`t want 60 people you know (your 30 and 30 for your groom) and 120 who are there for her. It would throw off the balance of the whole party. Good Luck!
Posted by Jewel; updated 08/04/03
