Help ! I Got Jilted!

I had a friend that the same thing happened to. It has taken her a long time to get over it. I know that you do not see it now but in the future you will be glad it happened before the wedding and not several years down the road when you have invested even more than you already have. God works in very mysterious ways, this is his way of letting you know that you are very special and will be happier with someone else later down the road. Once this guy realizes how much he has lost he will be sorry.
I am sending you a great big hug and the reassurance that it will all work out!

Thanks, at this time I just feel like I am being punished or like a failure. Everyone tells me I should be glad he walked out on me now and not years later but I am not seeing it that way now, I just feel that if he`d gotten over his cold feet he would have been happy with me....I am so sad, at this very minute I am supposed to be picking up my gown at the salon....I feel that this is the worst thing in the world and I feel cheated.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Please try not to feel guilty- you did not deserve this. Give yourself time to feel bad about this-yes you will feel better later, but you need to grieve this loss first. You`ll go thru all the stages-shock/numb, anger, sadness/regret, and finally you`ll be at peace. These stages are somewhat fluid & you will experience them at different times.

What he did was total crap. I assume you`ve been through some kind of pre-wedding counseling w/ your minister? If he was having doubts, he should`ve had the guts to bring it up a long time ago.


Take care--Cec

I just wanted to say I feel awful for you. I have been through it. It is hard planning your life with someone only to get your heart broke. I married my high school sweetheart with whom I had a very stormy on again off again relationship. Less than a year later I came home to an empty house. No warning. I then had to go through a painful divorce. Lesson learned for me. I didn`t see it at the time. It hurt like crazy, but there IS a reason. Please let yourself cry, let yourself hate him, you will get to the point where you will come at peace and realize that he wasn`t worth your time! I grew closer to my family, my friends and realized that is all the love a person needs to get through life. I have now found a man who I love completely, treats me like a queen, there are very few arguments and I know that this time I am marrying out of true love!!!! Good luck and I am truly sorry to hear about your situation. Hang in there, baby yourself and take care!!

Jennifer

Jennifer is very right.

Put all the beautiful wedding things away. Cry all you want. Feel free to hate him or just be angry. You were cheated. But you can`t make him love you. It`s not your fault. It`s not your fault. Say that until you believe it. You did nothing that made him stop loving you. Because if you have to change for someone, they aren`t in love with the real you. He may even still love you, but he can`t handle commitment, and he`s running away and hiding out. Send him a bill for the deposits. He may not pay, but he will be aware of some of the things he cost you.

It will get better. When my first marriage ended I felt like I was behind in life, like I should be married and have a family and that being single was a poor alternative to being where I should be. However, I went day by day and got out there. I met some great people, did some art work for a band, learned to swing dance, and just let myself be with people who didn`t know or feel sorry for me. Soon after I started to feel normal and whole again, all by myself. Then I met Alan. A man 13 years older than me. When I was younger I never would have considered him a match. But he is so sweet to me. So easy to be with. There are no fights about family, work, chores, money, music, plans. We just fit. So much better than any other relationship I have ever been in.
And I never would have met him if my first husband hadn`t been such a screw up.

You deserve better. And 90% of the men out there are better. Good luck to you in your recovery.

That happened to one of my best friends years ago. She was hurt and angry for awhile. She took out time for herself to heal-and even had to separate herself from certain people. Seven years later, she is thankful even though it angered her to hear "You will be thankful later...." speech at the time it happened. No one knew how she felt. She is now married to a wonderful man with a new baby girl.

I can also sort of understand too. Two years ago my boyfriend of six years I found out was seeing someone else while I was away at college. Before I found out, I found a receipt for a wedding ring with my initials to be engraved on the ring. He was going to ask me to marry him four months after his dating someone else. I was livid! I got tons of unsolicited advice from everywhere and it was embarrassing to me. This is a twist...but after two years of learned forgivness and him proving to me over and over I accepted his proposal! The old ring went towards counseling. Things happen sometimes for a reason beyond our understanding. I do not regret anything.

You are in my prayers and this will get better...I promise you.

Thanks Everyone. My brother brought my gown home from the salon today, I didn`t have the willpower to pick it up myself last Thursday. He never called me back. I am getting a lot of advice, mostly to sue him for more than just the bills but also for my pain and suffering. Because I was so distraught I ended up in the hospital with an irregular heartbeat. I have been disabled from work and I have lost 11 pounds in one week since I can`t do much but lay down and suft the web. I am feeling terrible, wondering why I wasn`t good enough to marry. I dated young guys in their 20`s and they were not ready to settle. I dated guys in their 30`s they had too many women. I dated this man who is 43 who claimed he wanted me more than anything in the world and he ran out on me one month before the wedding. I am 29 years old and I was a successful entreprenaur and finishing my masters degree and going to start my doctorate. Now I am a mess, they`ve started me on prozac! and I can`t even wash my hair, I have to go to the salon because I am so distraught.

OK Patricia....
Get a grip! You have to know that no man is worth getting sick over. I feel for you, but right know you have to start getting use to the idea it is over. Start by telling yourself, he was not the man that you thought he was, if he was he could never do such a thing to the person who was the closest to him! Start telling yourself if he could do this to you now what would happen if you had kids, or God forbid you had problems with a pregnancy, got sick, etc! Better the girly man got out now, before he could do anymore harm to you! You are an intellegent young woman, you will find someone who deserves your love!
I know how hard this is believe me I went out with a guy from freshman year in H.S. Until was 22 and got engaged. About 6 months later he broke it off (not sure that`s what he wanted). About a year later I met my fiancee, we dated a year and are now engaged and getting married in November. When the x heard he called me several times telling me I`m making a mistake that we were meant to be together and he was SORRY! He is sorry alright! He even had his mother call me to tell me not to get married to the wrong person! I thank God everyday that I didn`t make the biggest mistake of my life! I am convinced if we had gotten married we would of been divorced by now.....and beside that I would of never have met the LOVE of my life!!! There is life after heartbreak and usually it is better than it would of ever been! Good Luck sweety! He does not deserve you, and please take care of yourself!

Yes, I know you are all right, I am just feeling terrible though. I can deal with heart break, I can even deal with the fact that someone may change their mind and feel like they need more time and have to postpone the wedding. What I am having a terrible time with is the fact that he says he only proposed because he thought I`d leave if he didn`t and then that he hoped he`d fall in love with me over the engagement period and that he even felt less for me now than when he proposed. He said he flat out does not love me, even threatened to have me arrested if I go to the house to try to get my things! Arrest me? I am one third his size and weight, they guy is Marine for pete`s sake I am 94 pounds and 5`3" tall! I am having a horrible time finding out that he lied to me for 2 years pretending to adore me. He` call me 5 times a day to say he loved me, he`d cook for me, make love to me, talk to me all the time like he was the luckiest man in the world to have me. It was all lies! I got lied to for 2 years and I was stupid to believe him, now he acts like he never met me before and I am some psycho from a one night stand or something! I had never seen my father cry until yesterday. He was crying telling me that he had prayed everyday that God would transfer my pain to him because this was truly a nightmare. He has taken a toll on my whole life and family and he was just pretending to love me. He had the gall to ask for the ring back even, until I told him that under California law I get to keep it since I kept my end of the contract by agreeing to marry him and he simply took another option. He even said that if I am pregnant I better get an abortion or he will make my life a living hell. I just can`t believe this is the same man I dated for 2 and half years....this is worse than heartbreak, it`s worse than him cheating, this is public humiliation since guests are still "rsvp ing" and since his friends and family are making horrible insults at me. One of his friends took the time to sign our website "guest book" with a lot of insults. One of his friends emailed me to ask "so how exactly does one go about canceling a wedding?" I mean what the hell is this, I got jilted and everyone that I thought was a mutual friend acts like I am the bad guy.

Patricia,
If you could put aside the hurt for a moment and look back upon the relationship, did you not at all see that something was wrong between you and your fiance? Sometimes people ignore or pretend not to notice things about their mate because it almost seems easier not to. It seems like you wanted so badly for everything to be wonderful, you didn`t see the messages and signals that were more than likely shouting out at you. There is no excuse for what this coward has done to you. He should have been up front about his feelings for you in the beginning. What he did was terrible and wrong. I also think he owes you for at least half of the cost of the wedding. He went along with these wedding plans for a long time, knowing he was not going to marry you. However with that said, I`m finding it hard to believe that you had know idea what kind of man he was. People don`t change like that overnight. Thinking about things in retrospect often sheds new light on situations. I know that it won`t make the hurt any less, if anything it will make you angry for not realizing sooner what an ***hole you almost married.
As far as his friends and family, I wouldn`t take anything they say or do to heart. You have to remember they are only hearing his side of the story. He is probably telling them all kinds of stories to make you look bad and make it seem like you deserved this. You have to cut all the ties with him and his family. Don`t bother calling him or them looking for pity, stop searching for explanations. Your never going to be satisfied with the answers.
I understand you must feel humiliated, I would too given the situation. You need to pull yourself together and send out cancelations to all the guests invited to the wedding. You don`t have to explain to anyone what happened, just a simple note saying you regret to announce that the wedding between Patricia and ? has been canceled. People will be curious, but let them be.
As difficult as it will be, you need to put this behind you. He obviously has no heart and does not care about your feelings. He would love to see you suffer. Don`t let him! Pick up you chin and move on. As the other posters said, some day you will look back on this and be glad you didn`t marry him. Please don`t make your self look desperate to him. He obviously enjoys seeing you miserable. All the begging and pleading in the world will not make someone love you. The best payback would be to get on with your life as quickly as possible. Don`t let him see your hurt!

Hi I feel so bad for you but cheer up, at least your not married yet, if you were imagine how much more you would have lost *financially He is not worth it, you will heal in time but nothing anyone says will make you feel better, just time. I know how it feels to hurt and eventually you will get through this tuff time. Dont feel sad keep busy get off the internet go to a bookstore do stuff, eat , go on a walk with friends, just keep busy. You will meet mr right and 29 is very young, women today are career oriented and it sounds if you are to, theres more to life than a man

Hi Patricia,
I am sorry to hear what happened. It really does help to have someone else to talk to or someone just to listen. I have been there but only 20 years later. I know what it is like. Please feel free to e-mail me .akb1red@aol.com

Hi honey

So sorry to hear that you are hurting so bad. This guy is a real jerk. He doesn`t deserve your tears. It is time to turn this hurt away from yourself and put it were it belongs. On him. I would definetly sue him. Not just for the cost of the wedding and the emotional trauma but also for locking you out. Even if your name wasn`t on the lease. You got mail there didn`t you for how long. This is proof to the judge that you lived there. He would have had to give you notice to get out not just change the locks and leave you homeless and without your things to boot. SUE HIM!

I know it seems like it is all just too hard but believe me in the long run you will be glad you did. I can tell you I have had breakups and regretted not telling the ex just what I though of him because I was just huring to much right then or because I was secretly hopin g he would come back so I didn`t want to do anything to ruin that.

Speak your mind let him know what he did was very very wrong. You should not have to pay because he was immature. Hoping you will feel better soon.

Thank you so much to everyone. I have made myself return to work today. It`s so difficult to focus at all. He has had a moving company deliver all my things to my parent`s home. He says he will write me a check this week...let`s see..I might have to sue if I don`t get my money back. I know I should, but like Angela says: I am in so much pain right now I can`t even defend myself.