Replace Maid Of Honor???

This girl is not your own personal workhorse!!! Leave her alone. If you are going to work her that hard, you should be paying her for her time! Who do you think you are?

Layla-- you have a knack for throwing a wrench into the works on every message board you post to. I have been noticing your extreme negativity with every post. If you have something to vent about your wedding frustrations, why not start your own thread and maybe that will help you get things off your chest? Otherwise you are offending and irritating people, and it seems like you are doing it on purpose rather than just expressing your true feelings. Be constructive --we`re all here to help each other. I think you could be a positive influence on these message boards because you obviously have a lot of opinions -- why not use your powers for good and not evil? I`m sure in real life you are a very nice person.

Taylor - if you are closer to your other friend and your current maid of honour is being a selfish pain in the butt, you should definately take her out of the big day - you don`t want to look back at your wedding and see people in it that you will probably never see again. If you`re drifting now - you will be even farther apart once this wedding is over. Stick to your friends that you are currently close with.
Good luck.

My maid of honor has been my best friend since 2nd grade. She lives in Texas. I live in Michigan. She is throwing a small shower a week before the wedding for mutual friends of ours (not my entire family or every woman invited to the wedding). For once Layla is right. Your maid of honor is just that -someone you are honoring. She does not have to throw you a shower. If she offers that`s great. But cut her some slack & help out or give her your "new" bestfriend`s number so she can help. This doesn`t have to be a war if you behave graciously. Do you really want to lose a friend over a bridal shower?

The problem is not that i want or expect her to throw me a shower. She offered and then asked me to do all the work for the shower. If she would have said she did not have the time i would have been fine with that. If i do not have a shower it is fine with me. What upsets me is that she offered and then expects me to do all the work. And that is not the only problem, her and i are not as close as we used to be. Taylor

I did not ask my maid of honor to throw me a shower, she offered and then asked me to do all the work. If she would have said she was unable to throw one, that would have been fine. I do not care if i have a shower. But the fact that she offered and then expected me, the bride, to do all the work is what upsets me. And you are right, i do not want to lose a friend over a shower, the bigger problem is the fact that we are not as close as we used to be, she feels like a distant friend rather than my best friend. Taylor

TAYLOR----
Your maid of honor should plan the bridal shower no matter what.....if you were supposed to plan a shower for oyur self how dumb would that be??? Dont listen to those people, you are not supposed to honor her she should honor you...she should be absolutley honored to be your moh............almost the exact same thing happened to me.....She lived far away and would avoid phone calls from me for months at a time. Finally, it cam down to where the wedding is 4 months away, and I just decided that enough is enough....just because we had always planned on being eachothers moh`s doesnt mean thats the way it has to be....I had my sister be the maid of honor, which is what I should have done in the first place. Then I just asked my step sister to be in the wedding...and if you dont have anyone else to ask, its ok if the number of people in the wedding party is uneven...its not the end of the world....Good luck, but my advice would be to nicely tell her to either step down from the role and she can just be a bridesmaid or ask her to not be part of your wedding, it just depends on the relationship you have with her......good luck, mandy

Mandy-

Thank you so much for your reply. I think i really just needed to know that somebody understands where i am coming from. This is such a hard situation to decided what to do. My wedding is only a month and a half away. I have very little time to make a very big decision. But thanks again for your advice. Taylor

It appears that your maid of honor was trying to do something wonderful for you. However, she could not do everything necessary for the event since she is away. Instead of being angry with her you should allow your other friend to help her out with the shower. You should not trade her in for another person for this reason. Believe me, there are a lot of worse things that could happen between a bride and her maid of honor.

If you just don`t want her to be your moh that`s fine. But don`t make it about the shower or the work. And the people you invite to share your day do not have to honor you. That`s the mentality that spawns bridezillas. I have not been to one shower yet that was thrown by a moh. Mostly it was Aunts or Cousins or even the groom`s mother. You are getting close to the big day so talk to your family and friends, get some emotional support. And call your moh and explain that you would feel better if she just came as a guest or a regular bridesmaid. Maybe she would feel better about this too. She could stop feeling guilty about being so far away and not helping the way you need her to.

Do what you have to do so you can feel better and relax.

The reason i do not want her to be maid of honor is not because of the shower. The shower is more like the straw that broke the camel`s back. The real problem is that i do not feel close to her anymore. After the wedding she is leaving for 2 years to attend school even farther away. Which is great. I totally support her in continuing her education. I just feel that if i feel we aren`t close now imagine in 2 years. And when i look back on my wedding i want it to be people that i am still close to years later. I am really confused. I don`t want to hurt her and i think everyone has the wrong idea. I am not going around saying all my bridesmaids should be honoring me. I just feel they should be giving me emotional support, which she can do from far away as well. And knowing how stressed out i am her expecting me to plan my own shower is not offering me support. Taylor

You are not going to plan your own shower. Nobody should have to (or want to!) do that. You might have to provide a guest list but that should be about it. Have your sister talk to your other bridesmaids and see what can be done about your shower. Don`t forget other relatives either, maybe an aunt could offer her home while the bridesmaids do the food. Maybe it could be potluck at a park. It`ll be ok

As for your friend faraway, tell her how you feel. Gently. Try not to accuse her or be negative. Just tell her that you understand how busy she is and that her hands are tied by school and the commute home. That is why you have asked your sister to be the MOH instead and that she is welcome to be a bridesmaid or a guest if that`s to much stress for her. Has she already paid for a dress? If so I would avoid the guest part and still have her in the party.

Just remember that she has no idea the kind of stress you are under. (every time I talk about our wedding I look into the eyes of the person I am talking to and think,` they have no clue`. They don`t care about flowers and shades of ivory and environmentally friendly alternatives to rice. Even my fiance just blanks out until I return to non wedding topics.) How could she? At the same time you really don`t know what she`s got on her plate either. That`s the nature of being so far apart.

It will be easier for her to have fewer responsibilities. Instead of jumping into the wedding this shower that conversation, start off by asking her about her. What she is doing now? How are finals? what`s bothering her? is she having fun? Let her talk and vent. This might be a nice seguay into, since you are so busy...

Hope this helps.

Taylor - I can totally sympathize. I`m getting married in a couple of months and I`ve just had to replace my maid of honour. It was one of the hardest things I`ve ever had to do but I felt (and still feel) that if I didn`t replace her then I was putting the happiness of my wedding day at risk. I had similar feelings as you, that my MOH and I weren`t as close as we used to be. We too live in different cities and we are just not as involved in each other`s lives as we once were. And for me as well, there was the "straw that broke the camel`s back". My MOH sent me an email complaining about the changes I was making to my bachelorette party without consulting her. The thing was, although she had said she would plan it, nothing was being done. And although she makes substantially more money than I do and doesn`t have any of the responsibilities (no house, no car etc) she complained about the cost of bachelorette, dress etc. She "reminded me" of the time effort and cost that goes into being a part of a wedding party. Perhaps some of the things she had to say were valid, but the fact that she sent me all of her "concerns" in an email was extremely hurtful. I would have been much more receptive to talking about it had she actually picked up the phone. In the end, after I had called her and asked her repeatedly to take 10 min to call me (which she said she didn`t have - it would have to wait about a week before she would have the time to talk) I made the decision that all that my MOH had done for me was cause a great deal of stress.
I now have a new maid of honour and 2 new bridesmaids. Although I agree that a MOH shouldn`t have to fall all over herself to honour you, she should at least do everything she can to make your day the happiest it can be. If you don`t think that she can do that for you, then you should replace her. Don`t feel bad - it is your day. If she is your friend, she should understand. Good luck!

I think that you should replace your current maid of honour with someone that can help you out. That is what the bridal party does... Help out the bride and groom. I dont think of my bridal party as "work horses" but I feel like they have a responsibility to me and I to them.

This is a good thing for new brides to consider. I would like to have had my best friend be my maid of honour but because she lives out of town, I have chosen someone else. Its no offence to her.... But I need someone in my city to give me some help!

My advice to other new brides is to choose carefully!

Taylor-trust me on this one/ I too had this decision to make a few months before my wedding/ Finally I just took care of it and I am now happily married not regretting the switch for a single minute. Not to mention I haven`t even spoken to the Ex-MOH since the day of the wedding! This time is all about you and your groom/you cannot be bothered with any extra stress-so take care of the problem. Especially when you have someone ready and willing to step in and take over! Good luck! Jessica