Help! The Wedding Might Be Called Off

As far as going on with the wedding....you have to look at it like this. You have spent about $200 and a lot of time on this wedding. If you marry him, and he continually cheats, will you stay married to him or want out of the relationship??? If he is going to continue to cheat on you, and you are not going to put up with it, I would at least postpone the wedding for now and maybe pursue some relationship counseling to see if you can work out the obvious problems. Also, think about your child. It won`t be good for a child to be put in the middle of a rocky marriage. You are only loosing $200 which is a heck of a lot less than a potential divorce!!!!!

The money shouldn`t factor into this at all, especially not $200.

Only you know if he`s worth marrying, or if he will continue to be unfaithful. If you have doubts now, then your gut is probably trying to tell you something.

K

Okay, is this layla again????????????? I know this has to be bogus! I don`t know you but if this is real, heck that sounds so bad I`d give you 200 bucks if that saves you from this loser!

I agree, at first I thought this must be made up.....but who knows.It takes all kinds to make the world go around! I am so sorry to hear this. This should be the best most exciting time of your life! You say he cheated when you were pregnant, and again now 3 months before the wedding? No one can tell you what to do, but please think long and hard. $200.00 is no where near what it will cost for a divorce....and your emotional well being. I agree with Jenna, postpone the wedding get some couples counseling. Why put yourself and your child through that. You are worth so much more than that. Save the cups and plates and throw a " I deserve better than this party !" Find someone who deserves you! And Layla IF this is you.....GOOD ONE!

I agree, at first I thought this must be made up.....but who knows.It takes all kinds to make the world go around! I am so sorry to hear this. This should be the best most exciting time of your life! You say he cheated when you were pregnant, and again now 3 months before the wedding? No one can tell you what to do, but please think long and hard. $200.00 is no where near what it will cost for a divorce....and your emotional well being. I agree with Jenna, postpone the wedding get some couples counseling. Why put yourself and your child through that. You are worth so much more than that. Save the cups and plates and throw a " I deserve better than this party !" Find someone who deserves you! And Layla IF this is you.....GOOD ONE!

Sorry,
The above reply was from me Jemmy not Jenna, not sure how that happened! Sorry!

I have to agree with everybody else. $200 is nothing compared to the hurt and pain you will suffer if he continues cheating. You can sell all the stuff you have already bought on E-bay. Wedding dresses go fast. I am sure you can find some use for the plates and cups. You could save them for your son/daughter`s birthday. Think about what you really want and go with it. If you trully believe that he will no longer cheat then marry him, but like they say, Once a cheater always a cheater. Good luck

$200 bucks is a drop in the bucket compared to lawyers fees for a divorce or an annulment.

Are you wondering whether or not a guy that cheated on you while you were pregnant, is NOT going to cheat on you when you are married?? If a baby on the way did not prevent him, a ring and a marriage certificate will not either.

I think you are absolutely crazy to think this marraige will work if he`s cheating on you already. Save your pride while you can.

You are living in DENIAL if you think a wonderful wedding involves a groom who sleeps around. What do chip dip and paper plates have to do with the fact that he has no respect for you. He isn`t even hiding his sleaziness. You might as well invite the office floozie, she`ll be in everyone`s thoughts anyway. You`ll be thinking about her, He`ll be thinking about her, Your mother will be thinking about her, and my guess is so will all the other guests.

Take a step back and look and the BIG PICTURE. You had his child but you don`t have to marry him. How do you love a man you can`t trust? Get some counseling.
NOW. Preferably for self esteem issues. Get a make over, start working out. Whatever it takes to make yourself realize that you are desirable and deserve better than this skunk.

Even if this is Layla there are people out there who are
Actually considering marrying cheaters. It`s mindblowing and sad.

I can`t belive that you are even still considering marrying this guy!! True, the two of you have achild together and I know that`s what your thinking of mostly but look at it this way--he`s not!! If he was thinking of what`s best for you all as a "family", hurting the mother of his child this way AGAIN, would have stopped him. He`s not thinking about how what he has done has hurt you and the impact it will have on your little ``family". I suggest that you take this as learning experience and suck it up that you have spent ONLY $200 bc it could be a lot worse!! Get counseling for yourself and go on with your life! He is not deserving of you. Save yourself and your child from the pain of a disappointing marriage that will lead to either divorce or your own self destruction bc you can`t get this excuse for a man to treat you with the respect that you deserve. He treats you this way bc he KNOWS that you love him and that he can get away with it, love your child and yourself more!! All the love that you feel for him pour it into your child that`s where your focus needs to be!

Thanks you all for the replys. I have thought long and hard about this and I set him down for a long talk. We have worked everything out and he has sworn that he loves me. He has made changes in the last few weeks including the fact that he`s been coming home straight after work instead of going out and hanging out with his work friends and drinking. I feel this is a good change that he is home by 4:30 and spends every evening with me and our baby. I know that $200 might not seem like alot to yall but to me it`s a lot of money because I am raising a baby it`s expensive!!!! So the wedding is still on and I will let you know how it goes. If he changes for the worst again then I will have to rethink this all again. But I`m pretty sure that he is changing for the better he keeps apologizing to me every single day and showing me that he wants to make up for his mistakes. Even my mom has said she sees changes in his behavor. I told him that if he goes back to his old ways then we are finished forever and I will stand my ground on that. I think he really wants to make this work and he is sorry for his past mistakes. Now we are excited about wedding planning again and I think its gonna be a great wedding I can`t wait!!!

Good luck, you are going to need it. Just remember that you share in the blame now too- you know how he is and you are ok with staying with him. Enabling is as bad as cheating.

Donna,
I am glad that you are happy but am very concerned. I think you two should consider couples counseling at the very least. He sounds as if he is manipulating the situation and you. If he won`t go I recommend that you do. And you should do this before the wedding.I feel you should at the very least postpone this wedding and go from there! Good Luck!

A saying that my grandma used to say seems appropriate.

Kick me once, shame on you
Kick me TWICE, shame on ME!

I hope you dont get hurt again by this guy. Best of luck.

Donna, I know you love him and I know you want this to work. It`s very hard to deal with something like this, especially since you have a child together. But I have to be blunt with you -- you are being a total doormat. Wake up and smell the coffee! We`re all trying to tell you the same thing, but you are not listening! You are in your own little la la land world, off dreaming in the clouds! People do not change in a few weeks. You really need to do what`s in YOUR best interest and what`s in YOUR CHILD`S best interest. And that means you need to call off the wedding. You need to get some counseling (with or without him) and you need to understand why you want to marry someone who has no respect for you. If he goes to counseling also, and his changes remain for A YEAR, then you can start thinking about weddings. But for now, you need to get your head out of the clouds and be the only adult in this whole relationship. Put a stop to this nonsense and grow up. Do it for yourself and especially for your kid. Who is she going to look to as a role model if you keep playing these stupid games with your boyfriend? Sorry I`m being pretty harsh - but you really do need someone to snap you to attention on this!!! Good luck!

It is never okay to mention anything about gifts in the wedding invitation. The wedding invitation is strictly to announce your wedding and INVITE your guests to share in the day with you. It is not a place to share your gift wishes.

It is certainly proper to tell people what you would like, but there is a catch. You only tell them what you want IF THEY ASK!!!!! Most likely your guests will either ask where you are registered or what you would like. And most likely they will either ask you, or your bridesmaids or your very close family members. So let your wedding party and your parents know where you are registered or that you have a full house and money would help. But don`t ever initiate mention of gifts to your guests verbally or written. And certainly don`t ever mention gifts in the invitation. It`s just completely tactless.

Sorry, please disregard that last post. I accidentally posted in the wrong thread.

I am so sorry that you are being confronted with this situation before the day you are supposed to get married. Honestly, a wedding ring does not all of a sudden make a man or woman self controlled and disciplined enough to reject temptation. I think that is a common misconception when people get married, that everything will change as soon as you marry. I don`tknow where people get this idea though because it never ahs changed anyone. You will always here awful, heart wrenching stories of people raising their standars and expectations as soon as they get married instead of having consistent standards and expectations throughout the entire dating relationship and engagement.
I know you are concerned with cost but know this, while yuo have spent $200 on this wedding already, a divorce costs thousands upon thousands of dollars, and is much more heartwreching and damaging than calling off a wedding.
Lastly, there are more issues at hand than having a daugher with this man. Now that you have brought a child into this world you MUST protect yourself and your child from STD`s. They are so prevalent in our world today and if your man is running around on you the chances of him, you, and your future children together coming in contact with a viral STD (uncurable) are increased tremendously.
Oh! Do you want your child to grow up thinking that the way your fiance honors and respects you is how men are to treat women? No!
Please, know your own strength and walk away while you can! You have not made a vow before God to be with him yet. You don`t need to stay in this relationship.

Ok, it`s like this: Do you want the marraige, or do you want the wedding? i`m willing to bet that if you are still planning on the wedding that it is the wedding you want and not the marraige. Could you honestly stand in front of your family and friends and listen to him pledge his love and fidelity to you and only you knowing that it is a lie. THIS MAN DOES NOT LOVE YOU. If he loved you he wouldn`t cheat on you, he wouldn`t even have the desire to do so. Keep your dress and your other stuff and save them for a man that truly deserves you. And as for your child, a wise man once said that there is no greater gift a man could give his child than to love their mother. He will always be their dad, but a husband he will not be. Look at your out of pocket expenses as a cheap lesson (it`s a lot cheaper than a divorce). Good luck to you.

Did I read this right? Your concerned about the $170 you`ve spent planning a wedding? That`s a grocery bill. You can`t be serious. Forget the money. Look, it`s obvious you love him and are not going to "get over him" anytime soon. But for heavens sake, don`t marry him! For evertime one time you`ve caught him, there are at least two or three times you haven`t. I`m not going to suggest you dump him, because I can tell from your post that you are not willing to do that. At least hold off on the wedding. Take another year to see if these changes you say he`s made continue to be seen. You have nothing to lose by waiting. You don`t want to spend the rest of your life in a marriage where there is no trust. Your going to wonder what he`s up to evertime he walks out the door. I`ve been in a relationship similar. I had a child with a man who swore to me everday he was going to "change" - he never did. Certainly there were times that it appeared he had, but the old ways always returned. The fighting that was going on in front of our child was damaging our child`s well being. It creates an unsafe environment in the childs mind. Had I stayed with the bum, I never would have had the wonderful husband I have now, and the stable environment I am bringing my daughter up in.
My cousin was in a situation exactly like yours. Two weeks before the wedding she found out her fiance slept with his ex-girlfriend. They spent over ten thousand dollars on the wedding plans and she felt like she just couldn`t call it off at that point. She didn`t want to let everyone down. They went through with the wedding and her life was miserable. She couldn`t trust him, they fought constantly, and sure enough she suspected him of cheating again. They ended up divorced after a year and a half of marriage. She said if she could do it all over again she would have gone with her instincts and called off the wedding.
I suspect your not going to take any of our advice, so for your sake and your child`s I hope he has changed. But if he doesn`t (and he probably won`t), try and keep all the problems I`m anticipating you will have as far away from your child as possible.

CALL IT OFF!!!

Listen to your mom..

R~

All that money is nothing compared to the divorce lawyers you will have to pay for down the road when he does it again........once a cheater, always a cheater. Get out now while you can.

Calling it off will be the cheapest and least painful in the end, I married a man that slept with a stripper the night before our wedding and I was to embarrassed to call it off, he cheated the whole 10 years we were married its not worth it, I am now married to a wonderful man who would never stray so believe me when I say thats its not worth it.

Thus far, I have approximately $2,000 into a wedding that I am canceling because I have been unable to accept certain personality traits of my fiance`. He`s selfish, cheap and he has neglected the feelings of others too often. The person that left that "Post" was smart enough to turn on a computer, clearly she is smart enough to know the answer to her dilemma.