Guest In Tux
My wedding is scheduled for next month. My (soon to be) sister-in-law is going to be a bridesmaid and her husband is the best man. She is only a bridesmaid because I wanted my brother to be in the wedding and it was only fair to include my fiance`s sister as well.
They have a two-year-old boy that is not in the wedding. We just found out that they are going to have him where a tux to the wedding -- even though he is not in the wedding party.
We have asked them to reconsider as we think it is inappropriate for someone that is not in the wedding to be wearing a tux. We specifically didn`t want kids in the wedding and now it will appear to the other guests, based on his attire, that he is.
They don`t agree with our reasoning and it is causing a bit of a stir.
I don`t want to be rude to them, but this is a special day for us and we have been planning it for over a year. We feel like they are trying to muscle in on our day and steal some attention for themselves.
Are we overreacting?
Em
Posted by Emily; updated 06/02/03
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Is it a formal wedding? Will the guests be very dressed up? If so then it may not stand out too much. If you really don`t want the kid in a tux and you express that to the parents, they should understand and comply. After all it is your day!
Posted by April; updated 06/02/03
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Well... It is your day, but to an extent. You get to dictate what the wedding party has to wear, but you really don`t have much of a say in what a guest chooses to wear. Even if the guest is a child, his parents get to decide, not you. Think about it, it`s really not going to be a big deal. It`s not worth arguing over. Let them dress their kid however they choose and get on with the more important aspects of your wedding. I just went to a wedding that had six adorable children in the wedding party and like 20 more adorable children as guests. Believe me it didn`t take focus off the bride. I strongly suggest that you stop worrying yourself with little things that don`t mean much and are beyond your control anyway. You`ll just end up driving yourself and everyone around you nuts! :-)
Posted by Valerie; updated 06/02/03
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Hi Emily - I just had my wedding on Sat May 31st and we have a 13 year old son. He was not in the wedding party however, he did wear a tux - same colors as the groomsmen. It did not cause a bit of a problem and a lot of people even said what a great way it was for him to be included in the wedding without actually being a part of it.
Posted by Carmen; updated 06/02/03
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That`s not too bad. Maybe my situation will make you laugh...I didn`t want to be a difficult bride and I wanted to make a good impression on my soon to be in-laws. I asked that the bridesmaids all wear navy, and two of his sisters are going to be bridesmaids (he stuck them in since they are flying in and all). I didn`t make a big stink about specifying any dress in particular, so long as it was navy...well these two are going to wear green!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yes green!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!they don`t think navy is their color...all other girls will be in navy. I just don`t get why other people feel that this is about them instead of about the couple.....I understand your pain.
Posted by Jenna; updated 06/04/03
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First of all Jenna I feel bad for you, I think that I might have to put my foot down and say If you don`t want to were navy dresses then you can`t be in the wedding. Good luck with that.
Secondly I don`t think that him wearing a tux is a bad thing. I went to my fiance`s cousin`s wedding with him and their was a kid in a tux. He wasn`t the ring bearer he just wanted to wear the tux. I don`t even think that I nor alot of other people noticed until I was watching the video a couple months later and realized that he had one on. I don`t think that you should stress about it. You`ll be the only one that probably even notices.
Posted by Melissa; updated 06/06/03
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4 Jenna -who does`t look good in navy? Some people aren`t happy unless they are being difficult- be glad they have to fly in and don`t live near by.
As for the tux issue the parents probably just want their child to look like he belongs with them. (they will be dressed up, right?) Anyway after a two year old has a tux on for any amount of time it`s either going to be drool covered or half-off, as long as he isn`t walking down the aisle, nobody will think he`s in your party. It seems like a control issue that can be ignored.
Now if his mom show up in a big white dress, put your foot down.
Posted by Jewel; updated 06/06/03
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As an "older" bride, I gently point out that as incosiderate as some of these actions are (and they are inconsiderate!) I guess that`s family, huh? Meditate, relax, try to find the humor in it (easiler said than done, I know) It is unfair that people put us in awkward positions, then make the awkwardness our fault! Nothing and no one can take away from it being your day.
Best wishes! Much happiness!
Posted by Linz; updated 06/07/03
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Are you not having any kids in the wedding? Maybe reconsider your nephew as a ring bearer...kids are always cute in weddings. If not, then just try to be calm about the situation...the parents are going to put him in a tux whether you like it or not. Best to just ignore it, and focus on the more important parts of the wedding. I on the other hand, am haivng 8 kids stand up in the wedding...we love kids, I guess :)
As for you Jenna....tell those two sister-in-laws to be that this is your day, and if they want to where green dresses, then they are more than welcome to, but not in your bridal party. Tell them you have two extra guests seats they could sit in. Sounds like they are trying to ruin things for you...don`t let them!
Good luck
Posted by Cindy; updated 06/10/03
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Thanks to everyone for being so supportive, my photographer has even volunteered to use photography tricks to superimpose the navy blue dresses on them, either that or airbrush them out of my pictures all together!
Posted by jenna; updated 06/10/03
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Jenna,
Just wondering whatever happend? Are the wicked sisters still wearing green? You nicer than I, I think I would of told them they if no navy no wedding. Or have them just be the guest book attendants or something else. GOOD LUCK...give us an update!
Posted by jemmy; updated 07/24/03
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Yah, I would like to hear what is happening with the navy dresses, I agree with everyone else, navy or no wedding!
Posted by Chastity; updated 08/06/03
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I agree, if they aren`t willing to wear the colour that the bride chose for her wedding, then they aren`t willing to be a part of the wedding party. It sounds to me like they have some underlying hostility towards you or your fiancee. Whats up with their manners? The bride chooses the colours end of story.
Posted by Sarah; updated 08/06/03
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Why on earth, as a parent, would you want to put a 2 year old in a tux? They`re going to scream bloody murder as you try to put that bow tie on and half the tux will be on the floor as soon as the reception starts (not to mention are they renting it?). I kind of agree with you on the attention thing...nobody can resist a small kid in a tux! Try the comfort angle with them. Otherwise, you may be out of luck. Sorry...
Posted by ann; updated 08/06/03
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Oops I didn`t notice the date on the post for the tuxedo-kid
Posted by ann; updated 08/06/03
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Well now that the wedding is over how did it go??
Posted by Chastity; updated 08/07/03
