His Xwife

She sounds like a spoiled brat to me!

How old is his daughter? Does your fiancee have any contact with his ex? His ex probably would not want to be there anyway. If his daughter can understand that the wedding really is about you and him and that her mom really wouldn`t want to be there (instead of anyone not wanting her to be there) that may be easier to explain. If the reason can come from her mother, all the better.
A real sticky situation and I wish you the best of luck with it.

How this is dealt with may depend on the relationship with the ex wife. Perhaps your fiancee and is ex wife could sit down with her and explain the matter.

Hopefully the ex wife doesnt want to come and SHE can explain that to the girl.

Whatever the case is, if it was me, I would rather not be the bad guy. Let the biological parents handle the discussion.

I could see the xwife being there if it were the daughter`s wedding, but not if it`s yours. I don`t know how old she is, but by her behavior I`d guess 13-19 years old...I think she is having a hard time coping with the fact that her parents marriage is over and is trying to stick her mother in anyway possible. She needs a counseling session, I am saying this not in a facetious way, I am really seeing the attitude of someone who feels abandoned by her parents and a bit betrayed by her father. Don`t take it personally, but don`t ruin your wedding day either!

How old is she? Is she normally a sweet child? a normal child? A therapist or some time with someone she trusts might go a long way in helping her understand the situation.
Try to be understanding, (even when it`s hard) If her mom is on speaking terms with you (and she should be if you are going to help raise her daughter) talk to her and explain things as kindly and directly as you can.

It`s hard when you are planning a wedding for the two of you and you have to deal with a previous marriage, step children and a spouse that has commitments besides the one he is making to you. But if you love him and he loves you and you know that it`s not about who comes first or last, but about who`s there to the end. Your marriage will be happy, even if your stepdaughter`s mother dances at your wedding.

All the best to you.

I`m thinking that the ex-wife wouldn`t want to go anyway. What`s that all about? I sure wouldn`t want to go to my ex-husbands wedding!

Gees, i know how you feel, im to marry in september and i will have to face the same problem from my partners son from a previous marriage. I am all prepared. It will be explained to the son that it would be an uncomfortable experience for me and his dad and as it is our special day we would rather it be shared as a family. He is already aware he has two familys so fingers crossed this works if not then i will not stress about it. It will be his choice as to weather he wants to be a part of this or not. Dont let it ruin your day, im sure her little tantrum of not going will pass, you guys just need to stand your ground after all it is your wedding day and you do what is best for you.

How old is the child? If the ex-wife has any brains, she should explain to her daughter that it`s not the right thing to do. Maybe ex-wife and daughter could do something AFTER the wedding....Sounds like the daughter has the hold on the ex-wife. Wonder why she`s the ex-wife? hmmmmm (sorry could not resist!)

This is a very difficult time for this teenager. It`s only natural that she has dreamed that her parents would re-unite. Her father getting married is like a reality check for her. She is becoming more and more aware that this is not going to happen. I think that your fiance needs to have a talk with his ex-wife and tell her that she needs to sit down and talk to her daughter and explain to this child that it is not necessary for her to be at this wedding. Hearing it from her mother will make her feel less like her dad and his new wife is rejecting her mother. This should be done without resentment or any ill feelings expressed.
I think your fiances daughter should feel included in the wedding. She should have a special part in this also. Ask her to help with the plans, go shopping for dresses together, etc.
Amongst all the excitement over your upcoming wedding, it is easy to get caught up in it all and forget that their is a teenager that is hurting inside. Don`t ignore the way she is feeling just because you don`t like it. Her actions are screaming out that there is something wrong. Too many teenagers seek love and attention from things they shouldn`t (abusive relationships, alcohol, drugs) when they feel like they are not getting it at home. I don`t know your situation, and I`m not insinuating that things have gotten this bad, but I would watch for warning signals; such as acting out, appearing withdrawn, sudden behavior changes, and then seek family counseling if necessary.

I have been married twice before and am planning my third (the charm) wedding for June 2004. I have 2 sons from my first marriage and one from the second. I have been fortunate enough to remain friends with both of my ex-s and the new women in their lives...My fiance also gets along with all of them...I have been blessed with the ability to see past all of the hurt feelings between us ex-spouses and be able to focus on raising the kids with as much love as possible...SO I am wondering what is the relationship between the adults?? Just because someone is an ex doesn`t mean they are a monster! All three of my sons will be in my wedding and we are inviting both of my ex-husbands and the women they are now with to attend the wedding...I am so fortunate to be in a situation where my children have triple the amount of parents to love them! If you are on a friendly basis with the mom, invite her...If you aren`t friends don`t invite her...In time as the daughter grows older she WILL understand!