Wedding Reception - Kids Included Or Not

Well, iam including the kids, ask your caterer if they have a special kids menu, kids plates dont usually cost as much as the adult plates, plus for the kids me and my fiancee are going to print out color pages and buy some pack of crayons for the kids to do.

Including kids can be very expensive. I only had the children who were actually in the wedding at the reception. I also had a cousin not come because her 4 kids were not invited. Oh well - more room for other people. I think it is very rude of your cousin to put you on the spot like this. I`m sure they can find a sitter somewhere. I did have some people show up with their kids at the ceremony (which was fine with me) but they were taken to the sitters in time for the reception. It`s amazing how many people can impose like this and add unnecessary stress to an already difficult situation. I feel for you!!!

Oh, and to top it all off - this cousin`s husband ended up coming and didn`t even give a gift!!!!!!!!!! Now, I`m glad I didn`t include her kids. Could you imagine if I payed for 6 dinners and then they didn`t give anything!?!?!?!? I know it`s not all about the money but seriously, how mad would you be?

My mom was actually very put off that my cousin was so rude. To state that she would have no one to watch her kid(s) is not 100% accurate. All of her husband`s family lives in the vicinity. When I was younger my other relatives took me away with them so I could watch their kids as they went to the wedding. It was more fun for them but I have been stressing if I made the wrong decision. I LOVE kids, especially my little niece and nephew but this is a once in a life time affair and I want all my friends and family to have a great time and not worry about little `Petey` feeling too tired. I am still feeling unsure but thanks for your update

My decision to not include kids had nothing to do with how I felt about the little ones. I do adore my cousins and all of their kids but their parents should look at this as an opportunity to have an adult night out. As you`ve stated, they have available sitters in the area so it seems they are just being uncooperative. Just remember, if you make allowances for this cousin, other`s may expect similar treatment.

I actually believe that the majority of us couples getting married, adore children. They can so innocent and precious. But often there are a few people on the invite list whom seem to get offended that their children were not included. I went to 2 weddings last year and did not think of taking my daughter and I know my friends were experiencing the same issue of guests wanting to take their children. Is there a nice way when asked to respond that we opted to not include the children in the festivity?

I actually had `adult reception to follow` on the reception card. People may view this as tacky but I wanted to eliminate any confusion. I`ve heard horror stories from my friends who`ve invited couples and received a response card with 5 names on it. I just think it`s best to make it clear in the beginning and those that do not respect your wishes can opt to stay at home. I know you do not want to exclude anyone from your reception but people have to understand how much $ is added by having kids there. I don`t think the onus is on you to make your cousin happy, she should stop thinking about herself and realize that this is YOUR day!! My maid of honor actually had a 2 month old who she was nursing and she found a sitter for her. I told her she was welcome to bring the baby since it was a special circumstance and she still elected to get a sitter. She said a night out with her hubby sounded too good to pass up. Maybe you could spin it in that direction. You are offering free dinner, drinks, and entertainment for this couple. You would think they`d be happy to put their parental duties on hold for a few hours!!!! I wish you the best of luck but I think you need to be direct about your wishes.

I am getting married on August 2, 2003 and I didn`t want any children at my wedding unless they were IN my wedding. Your cousin is very rude to tell you that she can`t attend unless her children are invited. It`s YOUR wedding and you should do things the way YOU want to do them. We are paying $117 per plate and I definitely don`t want to pay that much for a plate for a 2 year old that will not eat it. Also, I am a believer that where there is alcohol involved, children shouln`t be there.

I clearly stated "Adult reception following ceremony" on my invitations. Also, the very last line said "no children please".

Hope this helped, I know how stressful it is to plan a wedding and try to make everybody happy.

Having children at our wedding has also been a dilemma. My fiancee comes from a family of six children as the last one to get married there are 16 nieces and nephews. We decided that everyone is invited (kids and all) to our garden cemony but our reception is Adults only. As parents of two boys (4, 2) we decided that we are also getting someone to watch our two darlings. The main fact is we dont want to be on the bridal table and have to worry about children ours or someone elses...I have been to two weddings recently one without children (enjoyed immensly) and the other with children (stressful). The scene of children dancing and running around wedding cake was horrifying me..lol So we opted 18years and up...also helps bar staff at a liscenced premises.
Wedding 7/2/04
Australia

Here`s my 2 cents. I am happily inviting children to my wedding. It`s a family gathering and it wouldn`t be special without having the kids. I am opting though to hire someone to "entertain / babysit" the kids for the duration of the reception with various activities. Also, my caterer has offered a special kids meal at a reduced cost. All in all it works out great and the kids can be part of our special celebration.

By the way....$117 per plate???? Are you crazy or has the caterer taken full advantage of you.

Hi there,
$117 includes a lot of things, like chair covers, center pieces, one hour open bar, etc. The dinner itself is $82. It`s a four course dinner.

Ingrid,
I think it`s great that you are getting a babysitter, that`s very generous of you but for most couples who are trying to cut costs, I think it`s perfectly acceptable to leave out the kids. As I mentioned before, the meals are expensive and paying for someone to watch them on top of it can be super costly.

I chose to have kids at my wedding and reception. I chose to because I knew we could afford it (they were actually pretty cheap for the meal and the youngest ones didn`t even eat a meal). I completely understand couples who don`t or can`t afford to invite children to the wedding and reception. More formal receptions are just not the place for children. Also, most kids will get completely bored at a wedding reception. I had a separate room at my reception site where I had a TV & VCR. Most of the kids between 7 and 13 spent the time in there watching movies. They would have been bored to death if they didn`t have that to do.

Anyone who says they won`t come to the wedding if their children aren`t invited should stop being so selfish. Couples with kids sometimes think that the world should revolve around the fact that they have kids. Surprise! It doesn`t. Do what you want and if your cousin doesn`t come, then, so what? The people that truely want to wish you well on your big day will make it to your wedding.

Thank you.... I still feel bad and have time yet to change my mind. I would love to say yes bring your children but I have been told then the door should be open to all children and that could get pricey. My parents are not paying for the entire wedding, perhaps half and I have a large family. In my family I have 5 siblings but my father had 6 siblings with large families and now my cousins have babies and it just keeps getting bigger. I guess we can`t make everyone happy all the time. I love having a place to chat and hear other stories. Thanks ALL!!! Keep the responses coming - hopefully they won`t make me more confused...

Wow!!!! We are paying $60 per plate and that includes 3 hours of open bar, linens, china, silverware, cake service, the useage of the hall, setup, breakdown, and a 4 course meal. I must be getting a great deal compared to the $117 per plate!!!!

As far as it goes with children at the wedding, I feel that it is truly the choice of the bride and groom and your wishes should be fully respected. Personally, we are choosing to include the children because they are a vital part of our family and it just wouldn`t be the same without them (and we are getting kids meals for $11.95 per plate). But if you don`t want to include children for whatever reason, then your guests should respectfully find an alternative for their children (I am sure that there has to be family or a friend who could watch the children).

We are running into a little bit of a problem though. We need to keep the headcount fairly low and thus do not want to invite second cousins (children of parents aunts and uncles). However, we do want to include the aunts and uncles of our parents. How can we get it across in a tactful way that the aunt and uncles are welcome but that their children (second cousins) are not???? Does this seem rude????

From what I have read if you just put on the inner envelope the name of the invitees there should be no confusion. Of course, some bold folks may try to sneak them on response card. I am told a polite phone cal should do the trick. See my cousin was the one who wanted me to include her children. I am already including aunts, uncles, first cousins, my siblings. I would not have an issue with my own nieces and nephews partaking but I am told one must be careful of having only some children. Of course my little one will be there but even she I may send away as the night goes on...
Good Luck

I have a couple of problens...
First my sister wants me to allow children at my reception. She will have a 1 year old, and a two year old at the time of my wedding . My mom mentioned that she will watch the kids at the reception. She lives out of state and does not see her grandchildren...or me ...very often ( only about twice a year). I just would like her to give me her full attention for one day...am I being greedy?
We are not getting much help paying for the wedding...but everyone has their say in how things should be done.
One more thing....My fiance wants to have a friend of his in the wedding party. But his friend wife (which happens to be my sisters best friend) said that he cannot participate in the limo ride, the wedding party dance, and she said she would pull up a seat to the head table for dinner....my sister says that my fiance should not ask him to be in the wedding.
Help me......thank you
I feel better to get that out : )

Holy tight leash batman! Your fiances friend`s wife won`t LET him participate in the limo ride or the wedding dance and insisits on sitting at the head table with you? What a ...... Yeah, maybe he shouldn`t be in the wedding because it sounds like she`s the kind of girl that is going to sit and pout all night and be jealous of him just walking down the aisle with your bridesmaid and could even raise a stink...that would make EVERYONE uncomfortable... I hate girls like that.

I know this post dates back to May but it still seems to be going on so I`ll put my two cents in regarding children. I don`t plan on having kids at my wedding. By the time I get married my 1/2 brother will be 13 and my 1/2 sister will be 9 and that`s pretty much all the kids I hope to have at my wedding. My fiance`s cousins have kids and I hope they respect our adults only reception. If kids are a huge part of your life then include them but no one should ever give you an ultimatum-- saying they can`t find anyone to watch them is just bull****. So they never ever go out, never ever hire a babysitter or pawn them off on the in-laws? Two more cents: Ultimatums are the height of rudeness (it is your wedding, after all, and for most of us, our money), and chances are pretty good they didn`t have kids at their wedding. Oh one more thing...11.95 for a kids meal? I work in the restaurant biz and seriously you shouldn`t really pay more than 5 bucks TOPS for a kids meal. All they have to do is throw a frozen mini-burger or hot dog in the microwave and put some fries on a plate. That`s it. Good luck everyone!

Pull up a chair to the head table? Definitely leave him out- unless you want to have her be in the party too. That`s just insane. She must be a young bride- I`m thinking 7 years old at the most.

I also agree with those who have said it`s your day, set a policy and be consistent. Those who can`t come without their children are only thinking about what would make their evening easier (and less expensive).
Even if it makes things harder and more expensive for you.

I am having children at the wedding and reception, but it`s an afternoon wedding and reception in a park that doesn`t allow alcohol. I am also inviting dogs. So it`s not that I don`t like children, It`s that I don`t like parents who insist that their kids are too precious to leave with a sitter for a few hours.

Good luck and stand your ground!

Rebecca, you sound like a selfish b*tch. Yes it is coureous to bring a gift to the wedding, but a gift should NEVER be expected. You can not condem your cousin for being unable to attend. Yes, it is your wedding, but for guests to provide travel expenses, a gift and be expected to pay for sitters for their children can seriously run out of their budget. There is no reason, wedding or not, why a family should have to ruin their budget in able to attend a wedding. And for the record, you invite guests to come be with you on your special day and to help you celebrate your special event, not to provide you with a generous gift, their attendance should be enough. Anything extra is a bonus.

Now that that`s said:

Alternatives if you can`t afford to feed children expensive plates are to have a separate room or someone close by donating their home for the night and provide babysitters. You can probably afford a few pizza`s and movies and the kids would probably enjoy that more. What i am doing (after long and careful thought) is to invite the children of the family and having a buffet dinner so that i am only paying for what the children actually eat. I will have a separate "kids" table with it`s own unique centerpiece and with colouring mats and crayons for the younger ones. Providing simple, yet inexpensive, activities for the children is best. I would suggest either having NO children or All children their. Besides, it will give your daughter (who should be there), kids to play with and keep her occupied. The kids are a part of your family too and should be included in the festivites. You can even see if they can arrange to sing a song or talk to the deejay about having a "kids" dance stuck in here and there with your entertainment (i suggest songs like the hokey pokey or the chicken dance). They will behave if properly supervised, a topic that can be broached with the parents who do plan to bring children (and not all with children will bring them) prior to the wedding. You will see (this was done at my sister`s wedding and all the kids behaved), that having the kids there will also add to the day. Good luck!

Thank you for your replies to my message. It is nice to have a place to talk about these things. I am working full time, going to nursing school, and planning my wedding...so I am a little stressed out. I am trying to make this wedding mine...and make everyone else happy too...but, that is hard. I guess the big reason that I dont want my sisters kids at the reception is that I would like my sister (the matron of honor) and my brother in law( the best man) to not be distracted at my wedding...and I would like my mom to be there for me, not to babysit..because I only see my mom twice a year. Am I being selfish? thanks for your replies..i appreciate it. : )

I`m going to nursing school as well corey. I too am working and planning a wedding, so trust me i empathize with you, i know how stressful this is! Do you have a younger cousin or friends sister or something (in their teens) that would be willing to babysit during the reception and wedding for your neices and nephews? hey, goodluck no matter what you decide

Thanks sarah ! I would like to find a babysiter or someone to watch the kids...but, my sister has a 1 and a half year old and another baby due this month..and she has only left her baby once in the last year and a half(for 2 hours) ...so, It is not that she cant find a babysitter...its that she cant stand to be away from her kids for a day. I understand she loves her kids...but i think she would enjoy getting out for a night too, but she dosen`t think so. Thank you for your response. It is nice to talk about these things with people who are not involved directly. Have a good day : )

Corey,

You are not being greedy. You deserve your mother`s attention on your wedding day. And if you want an adult reception you should be able to have one.

If your sister absolutely won`t come if she has to leave her children you could have a sitter (not your mother) at the reception for just her kids. Maybe in a separate room so they will not get overstimulated and so the other guests won`t wonder why they are there. Your sister could visit them and still feel attached if she needed to.

Tank you Jewel...you give good advice. Have a good night. Corey

Personally I can not understand why some people think children are going to "ruin" their wedding. I know it is "your" day and you are certainly entitled to have it your way. I just think it is a shame that so many people are against having children at their wedding, especially when it means excluding their own nieces and nephews. Maybe some people would like a night out without the kids. However, some people are offended when their kids are not invited to a family member`s wedding. You might as well say that you don`t consider the children members of the family. I just think it is downright crummy. I think it makes the bride and groom look snooty.

I don`t think that having an adult reception makes the bride and groom snooty. Children are family too, but as adults we should know where children belong and where they don`t. If it is a dinner reception (i.e. Getting toward those kiddos bedtimes) and there will be alcohol involved then children don`t belong--plain and simple.

I also believe a wedding can be entirely too long for kids. Children get up early and a wedding could go on until 11 PM or after and I think children are miserable when they are tired.

Lynn....very opinionated, aren`t we. The main reason that I do not want to have kids at my wedding, is that it will add about 60 people to my guest list...and I cant afford it..even at the discount price...sorry if thats snooty!

I can certainly understand why people would exclude kids if it would increase their guest list drastically. I don`t think you should invite everyone`s kids, but close family is different. I guess I am just miffed because my cousin is having an "Adult Reception." I am separated and in the process of a divorce and I have been invited to bring a guest. I am not dating anyone since I am not even divorced yet. I think it would be terribly inappropriate to bring a date to the wedding since I won`t be divorced by then either. I would like to bring my 11 year old son with me, but upon investigation, I found out that both the bride and groom just don`t want to have any kids around at all. Not because of the expense, but because they just don`t want them there. Both the bride and groom make an exceptional amount of money and both sets of parents are well to do. Part of me just wants to bring my son anyway because I have been invited to bring a guest. At eleven he is mature enough to sit and have dinner with me and even venture out onto the dance floor for a really fun time. I haven`t sent my response yet. Any opinions? I will still go even if I don`t take my son.

That`s tough Lynn. Unfortunately I think you should comply with the bride and groom`s wishes even though you should be allowed to bring any guest you like. Why don`t you bring a female friend. I brought a friend to a wedding before because I didn`t want to go alone but I didn`t have a boyfriend.

Lynn,

Your son would certainly be old enough to get through the evening and you would have a great time if you brought him. However- If you go alone you will still have fun and not have to worry about the drama of bringing the youngest "date" there. I went to a wedding while I was in the middle of a divorce a few years ago. NOT my idea of fun, but I wanted to support the B&G. I met a very nice guy at the reception and two weeks from thursday WE are going to get married. You never know.

Good luck to you and yours- I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible.

Thanks for the advise. I had already decided to go alone but I started having second thoughts because I thought I should be able to bring a guest of my choosing. I`m sure I`ll enjoy myself solo.

Best wishes and good luck to you too Jewel!